BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Why Now shes 20

Hi all, this is my first time posting on here and id really appreicate any advise you guys can give as im about to give up.

Ok iv been seeing my b/f now for over 2 years, I have 2 kids 8 and 14 and b/f has 3 17 and 14 and 20.

Get on great with the younger 2 (boys) and used to get on great with the 20 year old for the past 2 years (girl), Gosh she was mad about me wanted to come everywhere with me and do stuff with me all the time we even socialised together.

Over the past few months she has started being standoffish with me and i didnt take too much notice just put it down to a phase she is going throguh but last few weeks she has just gotten rude slamming doors when im there and ignoring me completely i was really hurt at first and just let on nothing was going on talking away to her as normal, but now im just walking past her and ignoring her too. I rally dont know where all of this has come from. her father seems to think this will pass over and iv told him not to say anything to her just yet in case it makes matters worse.

See Im in my early 30's and very young at heart her dads in his 40's and we get on so well together and she knows that i am crazy about him.

her mom and Dad are seperated since she was 8 so its not as if shes getting over a seperation or anything and shes not very close to her mom or anyone else for that matter.

Shes acutally very much a loner and doesnt seem to have any friends.

I really dont know what to do here and im afraid that this will come between my b/f and I as we are planning a future together.

We are not living together at the moment .

Please advise me as i dont have a clue how to deal with this, do i say something to her or just let her get over it.

Thanks all ( sorry for long post)

Since you've tried waiting it out and laying low, maybe it's time to take a different approach. If you're not too uncomfortable asking her to lunch or for a "Girl's Day" out together, I'd do that and see if she's receptive. Since she's a loner, she most likely won't have a conflict and could go if she wanted to. If she declines, then just be direct and ask her what's happeing - is she upset w/ you? Did something happen at school/work? Another person bother her? See what you can find out. If you're pretty sure her attitude is directed to you then you need to find out where this is coming from.

Is this girl living w/ your bf? Does she live w/ her mom or on her own? Does she have financial troubles? Is the BM in the picture and if so, is she supportive of her ex?

Good luck,
Dana

Vista thank you so much for replying to me, Yeah i suppose I could make one last effort and ask her for a day out together she used to love us going off and doing stuff im just afraid of rejection from her again. Im still dealing with my ex too so i guess sometimes im stronger than other in dealing with her.

She doesnt have a great relationship with her mom and as i said shes a loner shes not a very girlie girl shes more into cars and bikes and stuff like that. She does have a b/f for a few months now but i know that he finds her hard work too and cant see it lasting much longer.

See shes either at one extreme or another shes either all over me and living in my pocket or shes ignoring me and im afraid that her mood swings are wearing me down to a place where i dread going to the house as i dont know wether shel be on a hight or low, I do think that she suffers a little from depression but i dont want to confuse that with an age thing.

I was actually thinking of stayin away for a while and let her think things through.

What about sending her a card or something saying, "You seem to be having a tough time lately. I want you to know that I'm here for you, but I don't want to push - so I'm giving you some space. If you need a friend or want to talk, don't hesitate to call me."???

Could be hormones causing the mood swings, or something worse. If things don't improve, maybe she needs a physical to rule out any depression issues or something worse - bipolar or something.

Good luck,
Dana

I know what you mean about the card, but she is the type of person that would turn her nose up at it.

I really do like her as a person I think she has been through alot and hasnt had alot of women role models in her upbringing as she was reared by her Dad and didnt have much communication with her mother.

What I cant understand is that she was all over me and couldnt spend enough time with me its just the sudden change thats confused me.

Even though I really like her Iv alway spotted that she has an attitude problem and doesnt seem to have any friends or any interest in making any.

Vista I think you are also right as in that she may suffer bouts of depression as when we were close she confided in me that she often felt like staying in bed as she didnt see any reason to get up. Her moods are very up and down I mean I met her now this morning and she was all talk to me again and i could meet her this evening and she could completely ignore me.

I keep saying im the adult here so i need to act like one BUT her mood swings are getting me down

Well, the desire to stay in bed all day is a huge red flag for depression. Has she had a physical lately? Could someone get her to the physician's to do some routine blood work and a consultation? I think she needs some medical attention and possibly a family counselor.

Is there anyone in the family you could speak with or that she feels comfortable around? What does her dad think?

All the best,
Dana