BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids aaaarrrrghhh!

my SO just texted me that two of his friends are now expecting. one was planned (the girl was loaded up with fertility meds and they had been trying since their wedding last year) and one was an "oops!" with a girl he was casually dating.

i know it's not my business, just like my CF status isn't theirs. but my initial feelings were SYMPATHY! like, fun's over boys, welcome to the world of poopy diapers and the bar scene being an ancient memory. i also feel bad for my boyfriend--they were his only two CF friends left, and are definitely two of my favorites. most of my friends still don't have kids, but one is planning to start right after her fall wedding and my best friend's son was born this march.

i feel awful that i feel awful for them. i don't even have one iota of joy for this. i have always known my future would be full of childed friends and that the way things are (fun and carefree) wouldn't stay the same. a huge, selfish, immature part of me wants at least a couple of my girlfriends or guy friends to see things the way i do, and to realize that our lives as they are today can be fun like this forever. i probably sound ridiculous, but i'm genuinely upset right now and couldn't think of anywhere else to vent...

I can totally relate. My best friend of 18 years just announced that she is expecting. I knew that she and her husband were wanting kids eventually, but I didn't think it would happen so soon. (She is 26) I know that isn't SUPER young, but still. They love to travel and I just want to tell her that that part of her life is now over. We were all wanting to go to Europe together soon. Well, that won't happen for like 20 years. I know what you mean about that selfish part of you wanting friends to have the same feelings about being CF. I pretty much feel like our friendship will not be the same now. Not to mention they live 1400 miles away. I know I should be happy that my best friend is happy, but I only am to a point. I guess that I will just be the super fun "aunt"

Oh Shannon, that's [censored]. I feel for your SO. Give him a good supportive hug from us, will you? Many of us know what it's like to have CF friends dropping like flies into baby land.

SmallTownGirl, I'm 26 too. I could imagine being married (if my SO is lurking around here somewhere, hint! just kidding) but i CANNOT imagine wanting to be pregnant or a mommy. My best friend since fourth grade (that's about 18 years, too!! how funny)had her first child in March. I'm happy that she's happy, but part of me feels like she's moved on past...well, me. She is somewhere in her life that I won't ever be in my life, and although I have consciously chosen a different path, it does make me feel left behind, which I guess would be a form of jealousy. It's hard to put into words how it feels, but I'm sure you get it.

Myrabeth, I will give him a big bear hug tonight. I told him I'll be his drinking buddy....

Wow! That is funny how we are basically in the same situation. My husband's best man in our wedding had his first child last year. Right after she was born, we went over to their house once a week for about a month or so. One time they had to cancel and we didn't hear from them for months! I didn't even send them a Christmas card last year because I was so hurt that they just cut us out of their lives. I know they got tied up with everything, but we didn't even get an email once in a while. Things are a little better now that the baby is over a year old and is walking and stuff. I totally understand how you feel left behind. I know things change and that is a part of life, but it is still a hard pill to swallow. My best friend swears that our friendship will remain the same, but I know from previous experience that will not likely happen. I hope she proves me wrong. I sort of feel that she is more mature than me now or something. I don't know....like you said, it's hard to put it into words.

I've been there so many times! I always think that when I see a pregnant woman, like, she doesn't know what she's doing to herself! I feel sorry for them, too, because their life is pretty much over.

Feelings are feelings, and you can't help how you feel. I feel the same way. That's why I don't even try to fake the baby shower scene, I avoid it.

And it IS frustrating to lose all of your friends to parenthood (I know you said it's not all of them, but unfortunately it does seem to be an inevitable passage for most people.)

It's hard, b/c a lot of friendships don't make it through the baby phase. I hope you can meet some people that feel like you do. And I don't blame you for wanting some of your friends to see things your way. Think about it, the parents feel the same way about us.

If you continue to be the cool CF chic that you are, you will attract other cool CF people to your life. It took me a long time to find one or two, but it really helps.

I'm so glad you and the rest of us can vent here. This site helps me maintain my sanity on a daily basis.

Your SO won't get any ideas, will he? As long as you guys are on the same page, you have a serious ally. Can you vent with him, too?

I think your friend will prove you wrong. Here is an idea you may want to run by her.

Last year, my very close (two!) girlfriends and I started having dinner together every Thursday. Oddly, it started because my best friend got pregnant, and started having these crazy cravings. Soon, it became a deadly sin to skip Thursday Dinner. The baby comes now, too. In fact, anyone is welcome--we don't want to make anyone else exclude someone important in her life. The only requirement is for the three of us to be there, and not to eat at the same place twice in a row. We figure that this way, when life takes hold and we are too busy to talk all the time, we already have a standing commitment each week, like therapy or class or something else that is non-negotiable. So far, except for being out of town, no one has missed dinner.

It is so relieving to know there are others out there sharing my fears and feelings. Have a great weekend, ladies!!!

I also find it irritating when someone announces they're expecting.

Today at work, a girl who was trying to be discreet told her friend that she was expecting. Said friend went around and loudly told the entire department. The department is *all* women, so everyone but me was all cooing over it. I was just not wanting to hear about it. It just seems like nobody's business, and all it means to fellow employees is that she's going to be tired and nauseous at work. Eeew.

I understand how you feel my best friend who I only see twice a year or so, but still she is my best friend, told me her and her husband and thinking about kids and probably will have them soon. She is 29. I just feel like her life will be different from mine and we might not have a lot in common. Still, it probably wont happen reach out to your friend and talk to her about your feelings if you think you can. One of my friends has two kids im the god mother of his daughter and he just had a son. He is the same as ever and though we do talk about his kids we talk about lots of other stuff too. He loves kids and because he enjoys it I think he would encourage me to have them, but he doesnt ever pressure me or question why I dont ahve them and he knows I dont really plan too. I think we worry about the future of friendships whenever their is a change in a friends life: moving, marriage kids, etc. the really strong friendships survive these changes

I can completely identify with the "aaarrgh" feeling...
I had one of those moments this week. Female friend of mine gets pregnant and decids to keep the baby. She has no steady job, the baby's daddy works at Best Buy and she's not even close to being done with school. Fine. Go ahead and do you. So she's sending out baby shower invites so I ask her what has she bought so far in baby supplies, and what is left that she needs. Her reply?? "Oh, no, I don't have anything yet, I'm waiting after the baby shower and then buying what I haven't got."
Made me not want to get her anything!! Like somehow it's her friends and relatives' responsability to equip for this child who was obviosuly so unplanned for. Any suggestions?