BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Husband dropped the BOMB

My husband and I have been together 8 years, 4 of which married. We have known each other for 20 years in total. We adore each other, and he always told me I was the best thing that ever happend to him, the reason for his existence. We are best friends and always say that to each other. We always said we wouldn't have kids. A few days ago he informed me that he must have a biological child after seeing our friends' baby. I am hysterical because I hadn't planned my life around kids. I wouldn't be the first person in the world to have a child for the sake of the relationship. I am screwed either way as I am devasted to lose him. I wouldn't be able to be friends with him if we split. In fact, I would be so despondent I would have to quit my great job and move in with my parents in another state, which will also mean financial ruin.

My husband actually talked to me yesterday about possibly changing his mind about having kids. Friends of ours have a 1 year old and our best friends just had a miscarriage. It really got his emotions going. The only thing that I can think of to tell you is that maybe he is just liking the idea of having children and not really thinking about what will be involved. The late nights, the financial aspect, etc. Not to mention your privacy will be essentially gone. Hopefully he will realize what sacrifices will be made and end up back on the same page as you. Counseling is also another option, if it gets to that point. I hope that all goes well for you and you can work it out. Maybe having him babysit would help too.

Uh oh.

Fleurie, this is a really bad position to be in. Have a read of this thread for someone who's in the same position as you ...

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I agree, your husband may not even know what it's like to have a child around 24/7, much less raise one, not sleep at night, and so forth. If you got into this relationship on the CF premise and now he may be changing his mind, you may want to consider counceling, although having him babysit may be a better short-term solution, if it works.

Good luck!

Oh my gosh, what a punch in the gut! I agree with the others. He sounds like he is responding emotionally to seeing this baby. I would also suggest some serious overnight "babysitting" more than one time....and possibly marriage counseling. If he has suddenly done a 180 degree turn, sitting down with an unbiased party to sort though this with is the least he can do if the alternative is divorce. Babies can be very cute, but he's not seeing the "big picture". Help him to see that anyway you can.

I so feel your pain. I am going through the same thing. I have been with my husband since I was 16 and I am now 29 and we never wanted children. He just turned 33 and has suddenly had a change of heart (my friend just had another baby). He tells me over and over again that a child will be both of us together and that is real love. I do not agree with him at all and I love him madly and am freaking out that some day he will leave me if I do not conform.
I don't get it why after all these years would he do this to me???

I could NOT have a baby to keep my husband. I just couldn't. If he came up to me tonight and said "Let's have a baby" (which would be highly unlikely) I'd say "Sorry, can't do it." He is a very busy person and I know I would be stuck with the bulk of baby care, which I have never wanted at all.

Maybe if you tell your husbands, sure, you'll have a kid, but you don't want to quit your job and you don't believe in daycare, so you'll be fine with it if he will quit his job and become a stay-at-home-dad.

I feel for you, I wouldn't want to be in your spots, that must be so difficult. Bottom line, I think you have to be true to yourself, and go with your gut feelings, or you'll end up resenting a possible baby, your husband, or both.

BTW, "A child will be both of us together and that will be real love?" WTH??? Does he know that many couples end up DIVORCING when kids are young because of how TOUGH kids are on a marriage???

Cindy

I totally agree- he's not thinking this through. I have to say, I am utterly amazed at the number of husbands who want kids. I never thought guys were into kids.

I also agree with the poster who said that kids are not iPods. It seems like there are some people who want kids just because they are "cool." Sometimes I think my husband wants one because it can be another "toy" to show off. Like his XBox.

I love Cindy's idea. That is exactly what I would say to my husband...though I would add that I would like either saturday or sunday all to myself...:)

I think a lot of people have had that emotional reaction after seeing a friend or relatives kid. I dont have that reaction when I see the kid...but when I hear someone is pregnant, I suddenly think, maybe I could be pregnant.

Then reality sets in, which is what I hope will happen Fleurie, with your husband.

Hang in there. We are here if you need to vent

Could you borrow a toddler for a weekend and leave the child completely in your husband's care? That's what changed my mind and I'm so glad I got the expereince before I made a BIG mistake!!!!!