BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Feeling guilty

Thank you so much for your guidance.
I will visit this website.
Thank you.

das, did you see that there is a section here at Bella Online about stress management, too?

BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

What you're feeling is totally normal. I posted this link in another DV thread here as these resources really helped me see/understand everything involved...thus restoring my sanity and energy: BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I think Lady Skye might have gotten a little overwhelmed... which is completely normal. I think most women go back and forth with the idea of leaving when they are in an abusive situation.

lady Skye, if you are reading this, please know we are thinking of you, and we'd like you to come back. And if talking or thinking about it gets overwhelming at times, then perhaps coming back and talking in other sections of the board about other things may help.

Yes. Leaving in an abusive situation does involve lot of thought and pain.

when i was with my childrens father the physical n verbal abuse was part of my life to this day i have to remind myself i don't have the right to laugh nor can i except any complements i get truly embarrassed if any one says anything positive about me, i left him after a 30yr relationship and i started a new relationship with my then girlfriend karen she passed away in 1999, during that time we were together she often said she was paying for what he did to me, she was really my first love i was (in love)it was hard for her because i didn't know how to trust she often said i will never know how to be in a relationship because i don't know how. now shes dead and i have no one.i won't aloud any one to ever hit me agin

Rosie, you really are your own worst enemy.

You force, oblige, compel yourself to keep carrying the burden of all these things. Your sadness is palpable, and I have never seen you write anything remotely cheerful or positive, in your posts.
Where is the Joy in your Life?
And don't say you don't have any, because if that's the case, the only one forming the obstruction is you....

Wouldn't you like, once and for all, to be able to put it all down?

You have no idea with how much love and compassion I am saying these things, truly. But you really do have to take stock of your life, and make a change.
And yes, it has to come from you. All of it.
It has to be all your own work.
Because no matter how well-meaning the words people send you are, they can't do anything for you. Much as we would all love to, this has to be started by you.

skyhaven, YOU decide for you, not your husband's father, and not even Karen. If you wish to be more trusting, or laugh more, or accept compliments, you can do it! It may take patience and just doing it one step at a time.

The feeling guilty part I'm not sure of, but I can easily say it has taken me YEARS to give myself permission to move forward. Sure I tried all the "survival" mode things, but all I was doing was going around in circles, after having left my abuser. It is now, unfortunately after the final straw of his abuse to our children, that I have begun to feel peace, because he isn't allowed to see them, at least for now. They are happier and more relaxed more than they've ever been since they haven't seen their father last summer, after my daughter's disclosure. I think it may have been the fear some of you talked about, in the looking over ones' shoulder after finally leaving, never quite being sure if it all was really mine to have once again, my life and the happiness I once felt, and most of all, peace. Tons of therapy and the reaching out part may have been what I needed to do more of during this time, and the enormous support I got as a result helped me to feel I could trust people, that there really would be people there for me, something I had't felt enough of in my lifetime. This, I think, gave me back what I had been seeking since leaving my childhood home as well.

anon... i found this comment of yours very interesting: "Sure I tried all the "survival" mode things, but all I was doing was going around in circles, after having left my abuser."

I'd like to hear more about your thoughts on this. I myself found a lot of the conventional advice and help for recovering after abuse to not be very helpful, in fact i started to doubt the wisdom of some of it. I'd like to know what you think.