BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Follow up to attempted tubal (long post)

Hello Everyone...It's me again,
Well, turns out my ob/gyn was not able to do the tubal and I am going to have to have a partial hysterectomy (get to keep the ovaries). I had an uterine fibroid embolization back in 2004 and there is a lot of scar tissue on my uterus. So much so that she could not even find my tubes to tie them. She said she was able to find my ovaries and they looked fine to her. But, she is going to refer me to an oncologist to do the hysterectomy and they would be the ones to determine if I would get to keep my ovaries in the end but that she felt 95% positive that I would.
You know the strange part is that had I not gone in from the tubal ligation, she and I would not have found out the scar tissue. I had gastric bypass surgery in August 2006 and they had to call a gynocologist in then to remove scar tissue because the scar tissue had stuck to some of my intestines. But, he did a biopsy on the tissue and it came back noncancerous but he did NOT mention the need to do an emergent follow up with my ob/gyn and I just thought they got all of it then.
She also mentioned that my uterus was too large. A normal uterus is the size of a pear or a fist but mine (from what she saw thru the laporscope while taking pictures) is large enough to be held with two hands and probably weighs at least 5 pounds. She also told my cousin that the scar tissue resembled scrambled eggs (no lie) and that the entire uterus should be smooth and was only smooth on some parts of my uterus.
But, in a strange way, I am at peace with this. I never wanted kids and could always see my life without them. I just hope I feel this same way once my uterus is actually removed. You know, in a strange way, I feel like this kinda changes my status to "childless". Even though I don't want them, I can't have them now. The nurse told me following the attempted tubal that even if I had wanted kids, I could not have had them.
I'm still kind of taking it all in. My mom said it totally depressed her and she barely work after I told her. She knew then that there was no need to dream and that she wouldn't have grandkids now. Even though I keep telling her my sister may have them. Oh and let me add that I called to tell my sister, left a voicemail with a contact number, and she is yet to call me back. Not too sure what is up with that. It would be nice to talk to her in all of this. Guess we are not as close as I thought.
But, my main concern is keeping my ovaries. I do not want to go on hormones. Of course, I will if I have to. I am trying to see the good in all of us this...
1. didn't want them, so this really doesn't change anything for me. I was always worried that my tubes would grow back together or something.
2. no menstrual cycle (yay)
3. now people can't say ....oh you can have it reversed
4. I will always consider myself CF but it may change my status with the antiCF and maybe they'll be a little nicer.

Wow dstlady... I'm glad you're fine, but I'm sorry that you have to go back and have surgery. In a way, I guess that it is a good thing that they found this problem and you can have it corrected.... AND now you don't have to worry about getting pregnant and you won't have to worry about your monthly visitor any more. :-)
I don't know why your mom is so upset... it's not HER life, and I hope that your sister gets back to you soon.
I hope you're feeling fine. Maybe you can get out and enjoy the beautiful sunshine today.
Best wishes,
Hugs...
jmb

Wow. Sounds like a big surprise- I'm sorry to hear about it. It's never a good thing to find out that part of your body isn't functioning properly- and as we've already discussed, losing the option to have kids isn't easy even for the CF. But it sounds like you do have a good perspective.
I hope you do get to keep your ovaries- good luck, I'll think good thoughts- and sending e-hugs.

DSTlady,

Glad you're OK. Wow, what an odd turn of events.

I still don't see how this makes you "childless", though. Childless vs. childfree is a question of volition, not actual physical ability.

Kids:

want + have = parent
want + don't have = childless
have + don't want = hell on earth
don't want + don't have (regardless of physical ability) = childfree

Lots of people seem to think that if they've had a tubal, it can be reversed. But often, that's not true. It should be thought of as permanent (the same goes for vasectomies). So --- uterus or no uterus, you'll merely be "childfree...with a vengeance!".

As a woman with polycystic ovarian syndrome, my actual ability to become pregnant is quite questionable. My focus has always been on my overall health (although my docs, early on, seemed intent on my getting pregnant by 30 since I'd be "high risk". I got new docs). Meeting my now-hubby, who got "the V" years ago, just put any residual worries to rest for me.

DSTLady- Sorry about your news. But I'm very glad they caught those problems before they got worse (as in began to form cancerous cells, which can happen with out of control scar tissue). I hope you can avoid HRT type stuff and I'm sending hugs. Good luck with the surgery.

"have + don't want = hell on earth" OMG That was funny. Thanks for the laugh, Elise

Thank you all for the support.
Jmb-I'm still trying to process why my mom would be so upset too. I talked to her again and her main statement was that she knew she wouldn't have any grandkids now. But, what did she think I was having the tubal for? My mom is a strange lady....
Bonsai-I love the breakdown too!
But, I think I am taking the news rather well. I haven't had any "boo hoo" moments yet. I am still thankful that I always had a kidfree mentality otherwise I think I would be devasted by the news. My friends have been supportive. One friend ("cc") responded "well, you know they are doing uterus transplants now." I'm praying that she meant that as a joke.

Sorry to hear about the surgery - but it's good that this was caught now, right? And you're young, so your recovery time should be shorter.

Good luck.

I hope the recovery time won't be so bad. There has been minimal pain from the attempted tubal. What I would love is for the oncologist to tell me that I can have it removed laproscopically instead of getting the old fashioned incision AND keep my ovaries. I'm also praying that everything heals the way it should too.
bonsai-I love the idea of being CF with a vengence. I can be all "kill bill" style with my CF lifestyle. One of my friends was so encouraging. She really helped me to see that finding out I couldn't have kids anyway was like getting closure to this part of my life. Now, I feel like I don't even have to worry or second guess myself on this.

I forgot to add that I will be going in for a second opinion next Tuesday with a different ob/gyn. I'm still a little miffed with my ob/gyn as it was her suggestion to get the ufe in the first place. So, I'm going to follow up with the dr that saw me during the gastric bypass surgery to remove the scar tissue the first time and see if he also thinks I should have a hysterectomy. My mom (a nurse) has really been up in arms this weekend about unnecessary hysterectomies and the need for a second opinion. It certainly won't hurt anything to see what he has to say.

I agree dstlady, a 2nd opinion is never a bad idea. Perhaps another doctor will suggest a less aggressive option.
Good luck!