BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development What helps you to change?

When you want to change something, what helps you do it? Like... when you want to start exercising every day, or quit smoking, or if you've been thinking of changing jobs or going back to college... what helps you make the change?

Simply... understanding, vision and action.

Just "thinking positive" is not enough - you have to not only take *action* but develop certain other personal characteristics in order to succeed.

I guess I was aware of this, but this valuable lesson was crystalized for me in a report I read recently. This is good food for thought, and I recommend it to all.

Download the report from:

[url=www.CreatesPersonalGrowth.com/2grow]www.CreatesPersonalGrowth.com/2grow[/url]

Regards
Chris

Holly, I love the questions you ask...they're so thought-provoking....

Fundamentally, if we split the question down, the only thing which helps us change, is us.... Or in this case, our perception of our current status... But I guess there has to be a trigger point, an 'Ahaaaah!' moment, as they say.... Sometimes, they smack you between the eyes, at other times, perhaps it's something you've heard or seen on several occasions, but the 'message' has to be phrased or versed in such a way as to make it really sink in....

Much of what I do now though, is 'working on the Self'...I have learnt many of the lessons in life that make a difference between Sadness and Joy. The trick now is to remain Mindful and in the Moment. To continue impementing the lessons learnt and understanding that even if things change around me, they are a constant. They are my point of anchor, and I can rely on them no matter what.

Well what i was pondering (i would say thinking, but it's more like meandering than actually getting anywhere, hahahha!)... is what kinds of things help us to support our change or new habit?

Like Hutchbyrne mentioned visualizing the end. For some people this can be very compelling. Affirmations also, are things you say as if you'd already achieved what you wish to achieve. "I AM happy," rather than, "I want to be happy." But i was thinking more about things like... i have a friend who wanted to get in shape, and she found it easiest to join a class at a community college for working out. She's GIVEN an outline of expectation, and a schedule for working out, and a finite course (16 weeks) and has to keep a record of her workouts which will be reviewed (accountability), but most of all, she's not doing it alone. And i think that might be easier than my working out here in my house, where i have no accountability except to myself and no company for it, you see?

But there are other things too, that i think make it easier or harder to change. One is our image of our self. Do we believe we will succeed, or do we expect we will quit? Can we picture ourselves (again the visualization) where we want to be, or are we uncomfortable with the idea of being there? (For instance, I've heard that for many people, they are uncomfortable with the idea of being wealthy... because of guilt).

And there is another thing i noticed... sometimes a little change helps support a BIG change. Like this may sound silly, but i know it works... some men will grow a beard or shave one off and some women will change their hairstyle or hair color... and it sort of ... what's the word... symbolizes?... marks?... signifies?.... the less visible transformation they are working on. So for instance, i thought i would change which room in my house i use as my bedroom... not because that matters, but because the CHANGE might help me change in other ways, you see?

I only have time for a quick answer, but this question caught my attention right away. Change is so important in life, and the only way to grow is to embrace it. For me, the main support I get in a big change is my own desire for it. I seldom share that I'm engaging in a change effort--I keep it to myself, work out what I want, how I'm going to do it, and how important it is to me. Then I begin. And I find that honoring my own desire is the key.

You're right, too, Holly, that little successes with changes help build confidence for bigger ones. I quit smoking five years ago, after never thinking I had the strength to actually do it. But my husband quit two years before I did, and my desire to quit grew so strong, I knew I could attempt it and succeed by the time I finally did quit. Was I scared? Sure. Did I whine and complain about how hard it was? Yup. But eventually, following my little "elimination" plan, I made it. Each step of my plan that was met with success gave me the confidence to keep going. It took me a full year to quit, and by the end of that year I was down to one cigarette a day for the last couple of months. And then I joined quitnet.com and set a final quit date, met a new friend (I've mentioned her on this forum before), and actually quit. Yay for me

Change is like a pebble in a pond--it ripples through our lives in expected and unexpected ways. Maybe that's what draws us to make changes?
Barbara

Wow... !

Well first... congratulations!

and second... i guess you're talking about baby steps, and i keep forgetting i can use that as a tool! I'm not exactly the most consistent person on the earth these days [snicker]... i still have frequent nightmares and consequently i don't always feel great the next day and it's sometimes challenging for me to adhere to a plan. Still working on it, and i get some improvement with consistency. I have some scheduled obligations in the week. But because i don't feel like i can always count on myself to do a particular thing at a particular time for just myself, i guess i tend to think in terms of NOW. RIGHT NOW. hahhaha Not tomorrow, not day after day, i have become a quick-fix girl! hahaha. Oh mercy.

But i guess not all baby steps have to be on a time table, do they? I keep forgetting when i feel overwhelmed (which is often)... that i can break it down to a manageable size. I don't even have to LOOK at what is beyond. Like college... i keep dragging my feet about going back. I know i need to go. But if i think too much, i'm overwhelmed. I could just start with sending for an application. And then, perhaps in bits, filling it out. And then sending it... doesn't mean i have to attend, right? If i only look at what's right ahead, i think i can get there.

Yes, Barbara. Your suggestion is very helpful!

Hi Holly,

one thing that help me to do it is that I always thinking on the end results...not the progress.
Many people don't do what they should do to change is because they think to much on the progress...

Let say there are 2 people (A & B) who want to have a great shape of their body then they decide to go to gym every morning.

Every morning A wake up and decided to go to gym but what's running in this thinking is that she must wake up and brush her teeth, wear her shoes and go to the gym and do the exercise every morning...that's make her lazy because she's thinking on the process..

B also wake up every morning and decided to go to the gym but her thinking is always about the end results, she always think about her great body shape if she go to gym every morning. so it's not a big deal for her to go brush her teeth, wear the shoes and go to the gym every morning..

what's your opinion?

Yes, i remember Tony Robbins saying something similar... about a woman who described exercising as have lots of steps... getting her workout clothes, driving to the gym, trying to find parking, getting to the locker room, changing clothes, etc. But when she described eating it was only two steps... opening the fridge and eating.

It's funny how our thoughts can talk us into or out of something! I think for most people, picturing the end result helps... it works sort of like an affirmation. Rather than thinking something like, "i want to exercise and eat better so that i can become thin"... you picture yourself how you want to be and act like that person would... eating healthier foods and exercising for fun. It sort of helps you identify better with the new habits rather than feel like you have to go through an ordeal to get there.

I just find that with me, sometimes when i do that, something weird happens... i start to feel uncomfortable with it and overwhelmed. What do you think?

Is that resistance hollyelse?

I read a wonderful quotation this morning, by a guy called Arnaud Desjardins....

"There is nothing clever about not being Happy".

It made me laugh, because it is so simple, and so true, yet very profound....