BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Spin Off From the Children Discussion...

This is a "sorta" spin off from the discussion of children and marriage. Have any of you had miscarriages in your married lives? I lost our baby about 3 months into the pregnancy last year (2006). I had a D & E (since I was further than 13 weeks) on August 30, 2006 and we have not used a condom since. I have yet to get pregnant. My sister-in-law has told me about the FDA approved OV-Watch (which is a fertility predictor). I'm wondering if buying a $189 fertility wristwatch is worth it or should I just let nature run it's course??? My husband is 36 and I will be 30 in September of this year. We have two foster kids but we want kids of our own as well. I've heard of home sperm tests from Walgreens, has anyone used these with success? Was it worth the purchase? I know many people regret being parents but think about those that have trouble conceiving...how would you feel in our shoes? I think children are a blessing and they come to this world to make our lives better than they were. We learn from them and they do keep life hard but simple. I've had my 4 and 5-year old foster children for a short time, but I realize the challenges associated with parenting...and it's totally worth it. I keep hoping for two blue lines to pop up on my pregnancy test everytime I take one. Can you become too obsessed with fertility? I just feel my biological clock ticking and I only have a few years of an open window of opportunity left. Any thoughts?

Mandi,
I just read your post to NotSure after reading your concern about wanting to conceive.

I'm sorry but you are married to a "practicing alcoholic" and you want to have a baby?! You say he pinches you and that seems to be okay? I'm concerned for your foster children.

I'm totally confused by your posts and personally, I do not think anyone, man or woman, should stay married to an alcoholic.
No religion believes that.

Mandi, I haven't seen any of your posts before this one but if what Kristen says is true, then I have to agree. You are TOO young to start a family with an alcoholic when there are SO MANY good, Christian men out there who are looking for women to marry and have children with. Please reconsider. You can find a church in your area and see the available unmarried, Christian men that WILL be good to you AND your children. It is just as easy to fall in love with a good man that isn't alcoholic and THEN have children.

As to your question of having miscarriages, I have had miscarriages early in my marriage, but successfully carried a baby to full term. I did not need any type of kit to tell me about ovulation, etc. Perhaps your husband's sperm count is low because he drinks so much or perhaps the Lord is trying to tell you something, but I suggest you rethink the situation.

30 is young. You have plenty of time to make and carry babies. Many people are not even getting married until they are in their 30's, so don't let that make you feel rushed. You have time. make sure the situation is right. In answer to the last thing that you asked, my father always said "to let nature take its course" and I agree. Good Luck and may God bless you!

Trish

For some reason, my happy ending to this post did not get posted. It was pretty late, so I guess I was scatterbrained and sleepy. It was supposed to say "former practicing alcoholic". My point was that my husband did see the err of his ways and did limit his drinking massively when we got our foster kids...his attitude completely changed for the better and does not drink in or around our kids. I'll admit it still scares me when I do see him drink but his attitude has changed completely because (as he explained to me) he knew he was hurting his family. He stops after no more than two. He drinks about twice a month. I am so proud of him now. He now wants me to watch over him and help him and in return, he helps me with my bad eating habits. I apologize for the mistake. He also credits my dramatic acts to his wanting to quit. He said he knew that if his actions could make me act like a child, then he knew (one day) it would eventually make me leave. I do not condone sticking around for any abuse but I do believe in giving people a chance (or two--but no more than that) to change their ways. There are ways to cope and help them see the hurt and sometimes marketing yourself in the right way will make you completely visible to him. Sorry for making him sound like a barbarian.

I believe when you love someone you stand by them through thick and thin. Its to easy to walk out of a marriage when it all gets to hard.
I wish you both well and I hope it turns out for the best.It sounds like you care for this man alot,dont walk away from that.It is good that you are giving him a chance to be the man you and the kids need him to be.

Mandi-I wish you well.

Thank you all for your well wishes and I will keep NotSure in my prayers. It's a tough road but you just take it one day at a time and remember that if he loves you, he will change. I am glad to be so lucky that a man will change his ways for me and my kids.