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#306363 04/10/07 09:01 PM
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iwonder Offline OP
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You just found out that your sibling is in ICU, kidney failure due to self induced alcohol poisoning. The kidney specialist wants to wait a day or two before they put your sibling on dialysis. Here's the question. Your sibling has abused themself for over 30 years; drugs, bulimia, alcohol, you name it. They have no children. They've been in and out of relationships as long as you can remember. You on the other hand have a husband, children, etc. And you are faced with considering donating a kidney, what do you do?

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Chipmunk
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Of course, you do not donate a kidney. You are putting yourself at risk when you have responsibilities for your family. Your sibling will not discontinue his destructive behavior. A new kidney will just give him more time in which to indulge. Normally, organ transplant candidates must see social workers for an assessment before all that time/money is spent on what can be a useless transplant. My partner, an LSCW does many of those assessments for potential transplant people and sadly, turns many down because of previous and potential future destructive behavior.


Jan Goldfield

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I have to agree wholly with Jan.

Having three brothers of my own who have abused drugs and alcohol for more than 15 years, I have seen the transformation that drugs can do to someone and the damage it does to their family and relationships.

I have painful memories that have come from my brothers behaviours as a result of their drug abuse. I would not want to give them a healthy organ that will prolong their life so that they can continue their abuse and create more painful memories for those around them.

Last edited by pinklulu; 04/11/07 08:57 AM.
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iwonder Offline OP
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Thank you for the comments. I don't know. Part of me says I have to do this, part of me says no way. The mother in me wonders how my own mother must feel. It's just a bad deal. My husband told me no. They have kidney problems on his side, and he said-what if one of our kids needs a kidney? Good point. It's just a loaded topic.

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Chipmunk
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Please listen to your husband. Your children's health is of utmost importance.


Jan Goldfield

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iwonder Offline OP
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I already feel selfish, for even considering no as the option. And guilt. My life is "normal." I'm the one that has a spouse, career, kids, "white picket fence" live near mom and dad and married the home town hero. (Trust me, it's by no means perfect). But my siblings has been hell. I don't know why, I don't get it. There's no history of alcoholism in our family. It's so sad, and I have to admit, I have little tolerance of the behavior.

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Amoeba
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Forgive me if this is past the timeliness of the topic, but I would like to add a throught or two. I'd like to help you redefine the term "guilt" that you mentioned in an earlier post. Guilt implies that you have done something wrong and realize it. Choosing to live a healthy life is not doing something wrong. Most likely you feel sadness, a longing for a better sibling relationship that never really happened, sadness for the loss that your mother must be feeling seeing her child destroy themselves.

Not donating a kidney to your sibling in this case is not being selfish in the negative term we usually think of. It is a healthy choice to keep it. You could probably still use it yourself for a while, and no need to unnecessarily expose yourself to the risks of surgery. You know that someone else who has had more of a misfortune (family related kidney problems, sudden accident, etc) may need it worse and would live their life more positively, appreciating the sacrifice of the donor.

It sounds like your husband and several others on this forum are encouraging you in the right direction. Hope you continue to be strong in this. Maybe you could offer your mother a shoulder to lean on in this difficult time.



Erika Krull
Siblings

Moderated by  Nina - Siblings 

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