BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Types of abusers

Some abusers make the life of their wife hell with words. Some use physical violence. I have felt and heard from many that words can hurt more than physical aggression. Is that true?

How to counter a verbal abuser? Because sometimes they pschye the victim to believe that she deserves that.

yes its true.verbal abuse is horrible.worse than physical violence.

Yes. Verbal abuse is often cold and calculated, and after a person has heard it over and over again they come to believe it.

Physical wounds heal with time, but cruel words live on. Those who physically abuse usually verbally abuse as well, so it is a double edged sword that cuts deeper than flesh.

Ann.

I was married to a verbal and physical abuser for 20 yrs.

I then dated a verbal/emotional abuser for 5 months. He hurt me, and "screwed me up" more in those 5 months, than my ex did in 20 yrs.

The one thing about a verbal abuser (Providing, obviously, that there IS no physical aspect) is that you can do something about it. I was involved in a relationship where my partner was very abusive, verbally. Now, I admit, physical abuse never came into it, so it was easier, but at one point, i simply decided I was just not going to take any more, and I told him so. It takes courage and determination to escape from any destructive situation, but I think in a way, even though verbal abuse is soul-destroying, you CAN find the strength to deal with it.

I have to agree with you all about verbal usually being worse then physical. The physical abuse I suffered from my biological mother and my ex husband has healed but the words they used still haunt me to this day and affect my self-esteem and self-confidence at times.

Yes. I should have added emotional abuse to what I said about physical and verbal. One could perhaps say that the three-pronged
attacks could be described as physical, mental and emotional abuse. Sometimes there is also spiritual abuse, so it attacks people on every level of their being.

A friend of mine was also sexually abused by her husband, and she did have the courage to leave. However, he continued to hound her at the shelter where she was staying, and even a restraining order did not stop him. She was terrified to leave the shelter even to go shopping because he would be waiting for her and beat her up for having left him.

It can be a catch 22 situation for some women.

Ann.

Emotional and verbal seem to go hand in hand and there is a fine line in defining the difference between the two. The town I live in must be so different from every where else about restraining orders. I went and filed mine with the county I live in, then took it to the police station in the city where I live, and my abuser violated it the day it was issued. As soon as I was on the phone and told them I had a restraining order, he is here, come help me, the cops were there within 5 minutes. They took him to the psyche word of a hospital instead of jail cause he threatened to hurt himself. The hospital let him out the next day, he was hiding behind a car and telephone pole trying to see into our apartment. I saw him and my friend that was staying the night with me because I was scared saw him. I called the police again, they were there in less then 5 minutes again and took him to county jail where he spent 15 days for it. After that the only probably I had with him was him holding his end of the deal of seeing the kids and paying child support. Now he has moved back to Hawaii to his mothers and I am in Ohio. It was such a huge relief when I found out he was across the ocean from us. I know I don't have to be scared when I go out anymore! I wish every victim and survivor could feel how I feel.

That must have been a very bad experience.