BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Catholic and Not Having Kids

Sissy, your husband is the member of the Catholic Church, you are not. How about, "When men can experience childbirth first hand." And if the church that your husband belongs to is "very oldschool," then that would mean there are several families with 9 to 15 children each. If those families don't exist in the parish family, trust me... they aren't as old school as they would lead you to believe. A priest once told me, the church does not believe you should have more children than you can care for. You don't say if you want to have children or not, and you haven't stated that you don't want to, so I guess I'm somewhat confused...it isn't a sin for you to use birthcontrol, and your partner isn't using birth control.

Wow! Thanks for all of the thoughts and opinions. Alot of what you fellow posters have said are thoughts that I have had. I think that when the question comes up we will be truthful and tell them that WE are using birth control.

iwonder- Yes, there are several LARGE families in the church. Most of the families with parents in their late 30s or early 40s have at least 6 or 7 kids. Some have more than 10.

hi sissy! my husband are and i are both "cafeteria catholics" so are most of the people i know including my own parents who by the way used birth control before they found out that they couldn't have children and adopted me! anyway, luckily for my husband and i we found a catholic church that is very progressive and us not having children isn't an issue. however, i can understand how uncomfortable you must feel. really i agree with everyone else's responses that it's really nobody else's business . my husband has said that if god had wanted us to have children he would have made us want to have children. is there any other church around that is more progressive than the one you go to? would your husband be willing to try another catholic church if there was one?

believe me i went through a lot on this issue. i really struggled with the quesition "can i be catholic and CF"? well the ans.i came up with at least for myself was i really don't consider myself catholic per se but rather a member of my individual church which i really happen to like. i know that this might not work for everyone but it really works for me.

by the way most catholics believe in birth control and many are also pro-choice, believe in women's equality , priests should be able to get married etc... i think that many leaders in the catholic church don't want to accept that fact.

indigo

I agree that you shouldn't have to say anything at all. It is nobody's business. Giving vague answers or saying something like, "that is between my husband and me" ought to put them off. It amazes me how people can be so overbearing about something that is so personal.

I have a personal problem with the Catholic mentality though after dating several Catholic guys. One didn't want me to use birth control, saying that his parents "could handle an out of wedlock baby, but not you using birth control". I replied with "well I am NOT Catholic and I am going to protect myself!" His logic seemed so crazy to me! This did not stop him from wanting to sleep with me, of course. Hypocrite. Anyway, his mother's very first question of me was not my name, but "was I Catholic". I was stunned.

I also agree that your husband should not leave you twisting in the wind on this, if it ever does happen to come up. Besides, if he doesn't totally subscribe to this "old school" dogma, how about finding a new, more progressive church? Just an idea.

Oh, my! PMO, this is the kind of situation where I always want to quote the great British comedian Eddie Izzard:

"I have to go...my grandmother is on fire!"

Elise

That is so true about the siblings having kids. Since my sister had kids a lot of the family pressure disappeared. Now that I'm getting older they've pretty much given up, as had the general public. The only thing that still really bugs me is 1) having to deal w/other peoples kids, and 2) getting that sorry for me look when someone hears I don't have kids. I hate that!

#2 is exactly how I feel. If I never have kids, and never have to see someone's negative reaction, I would be in heaven. It really doesn't bother me to not have kids, but I hate when I tell people and they get all bummed out about it. I'm not trying to be a downer!

For awhile we were trying to have a child, and it seemed like anytime we told someone they'd get all giddy. I couldn't help but like that feeling, and I miss it. Now when I tell people otherwise, they get all gloomy about it, which makes me stress about it all over again. I tried to explain this to my husband once and he was annoyed that I cared so much about what other people think, especially regarding such an important life decision. I can see his point, but can't seem to let go of caring.

Frieda, I think it's the way we're "wired." Most men care much less about other people's opinions than most women. My fiance has a hard time understanding why I care about anyone's opinion on nearly any topic. He doesn't care what others think and just doesn't "get" why I do. Just an observation.

Wow - an Eddie Izzard quote! I'm so impressed - similar sense of humor to mine. "Dress to Kill" is one that my husband, friends and I watched over and over again.

"Do you have a flag?"

Eddie's whole history of the Church of England was a riot in that one too.

Seriously though, I think that it's really no one's business but your own whether or not you have kids, and that people of all religions have to pick and choose the tenets they believe in - I see it all the time. I'm not big into religion, though I grew up going to an American Baptist church. I believe in God, but I don't really understand all of the world fighting over differences in religion - the violence in the name of religion goes against everything that most religions teach us.