BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "Go Mom" article

This article is just blatantly sexist. If you are going for a rare evening out and your kid starts crying give them a kiss and say mommy willbe home soon. Then leave. Notice fathrs are never mentioned. If I lived years ago I probably wouldnt mind having kids . What most bothers me abot kids is the mania of activites and events and the idea that time to yourself is sinfull. Its so ludicrous. Parents who make time for themselves will be better parents because they will be more satisfied and relaxed. Its just a way of keeping women at home. Yes women can go to work but they must spend every spare minute they are not at work guiltily tending to their children and atoneing for the fact they work. Fathers obviously can spend their spare time enjoying fun hobbies because they should not feel guilty for working. Also the article is not telling moms they are doing great unless they fit into the group of slavish obsessive parents the article refers too.

I forgot to say, this article made me feel even more like I can't afford to have a kid. These moms just hire someone to do every chore so they can spend more time with their kids. Must be nice, but I'd go broke really fast I did that. Not only is it taking away from your ability to work, but you have to hire so much help.

I am a mom and I feel the same way. Those parents like that drive me nuts too!

These same parents think that my not standing over my son every second is neglect. My son has autism and I am working on giving him the skills he needs so he can be independent. This means I watch from a distance and let him make mistakes.

It seems as though mom has started to equal puppeteer.

This discussion reminded me of another article I read recently:

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I see peers that are on the phone all the time with their family (parents) consulting them on every aspect of their lives. It is like the apron strings never got cut.

It makes me feel inadequate because I am not like that...and never have been. My mother is dead, my father is distant, and I was working at 14 years old and completely out of the house putting myself through college at 17 years. I do feel that I missed out on some childhood...but mostly as a result of a disfunctional family. That sort of closeness is really not even an option for me...

But, I just don't think this sort of excessive closeness is healthy. Our niece is an only child getting ready to graduate from college. Doesn't want her parents to sell their house b/c she wants to move back home after graduation. She has no real job prospects. She was completely coddled growing up and can't even hold an adult conversation at 21 years old. This is what that type of parenting results in- "adult" children! But the parents are to blame b/c they let her be that way.

My parents raised two independent children. We figured stuff out on our own and created our own forms of play. (Remember that imagination thing we had as kids? Do today's kids have that?)

I feel that they handled things right, but I sometimes wonder if they regret it. My mom gets worried and calls me if she doesn't hear from me at least once a month and my dad is always pushing for me to visit more often.

Does this imply that they are normal parents of adults or that they wish they could have been more like the parents in the article?

My parents were pretty good about that too. We did our own thing a lot of the time. And I feel the same way where I'm very independent and don't rely on them for anything anymore. Although my dad is very glad he doesn't have to support me financially anymore, I know he wishes I was around more. And my mom! That's another story.

She would like to be living with me. Last visit with her she asked me if she could come live with me after my husband died. (She knows he would never put up with her while he was alive). I was so shocked, irritated, freaked out, and said NO way! Then she said, "You'd just shunt me off to assisted living?"

Since I've grown up, our roles have changed and now I feel suffocated around her. I would be miserable living with her, or even near her. I was so offended (and still am) that she would be waiting and hoping for my husband to die so she could try and push herself on me. He's in good health for god's sake, and a lot younger than her, so why should she be planning on him dying first? He did have cancer when we first met 13 years ago, so it's not out of nowhere, but he's been "cured" and we of course are hoping for many more years together. Not her though! That's when I realized she definitely doesn't have my best interests in mind anymore, which is really sad. It's just all about her loneliness. We are even worried about her trying to poison my husband or something crazy. I know, this is really off topic, but had to get it off my chest. I so want to be able to be happy on my own in life.

When I was growing up my mom stayed at home. We were a middle class family. My mom always gave me space. She never hovered over me or smothered me. She also never gave up things. She spent time on herself. She also spent money on herself. I was somewhat spoiled, but so was she. She dressed nice. She always looked nice, and we had the best looking lawn on the block. My mother had a green thumb and she spent a lot of time in the yard. She loved it. She even got braces at the age of 30. She wore them for 3 years.

So I just don't get how moms today say that they can't dress nice or look decent. My mother did it. We were not rich, but she found the time and energy to do everything that she did, and it took her forever to get ready every morning too. It doesn't take me near as long to get ready as it did her, and it didn't take her a long time because of me either.

When I was a teenager, my mom didn't smother me either. We were really close. We were friends. I think that a lot of these moms that are hovering over their kids are in for a surprise when those kids become teenagers. Teenagers want privacy. They don't want mom standing over them. Those mom are in for a rebellion. My mom and I are still best friends today. What is sad is that in todays standard she would have been considered a bad mother.

Please don't barf on this forum LOL (J/K)

I can see it as "society" mandating the lifestyle if it's a family of McSheep who feels as if it simply must keep up with the Joneses and get the latest jet-skis and Nintendos and Range Rovers...that's one thing. We've all seen folks like these, unfortunately.

But the other thing (which is true of all working mothers) is that one simply cannot be in two places at one time. It *is* a juggling challenge, and either your job, your kids, or your personal time will suffer (if you work full time, have kids who are moderately active and challenging, and a husband who is average in terms of not doing much to chip in). That said, it seems that most women are choosing that it will be their own personal time that suffers; I view that choice as unfortunate, but perhaps the least problematic of the three...in fact, almost noble. I wouldn't want to be one of these over-burdened women (just reading about them makes me tired), but I've never said I don't have respect for mothers who set their standards high.

Society has given women the impression that they can "have it all". They can --- [b]but not all at once[/b]. Even Sandra Day O'Connor, a feminist ground-breaker for her work as the first female Supreme Court Justice, stayed home while her kids were young. In her interviews, she has said that eludes her why people don't seem to understand that women can't be two places at once.

I am not advocating that the mom stay home. I'm advocating that if a couple decides to have children, ONE of the parents should stay home when the children are young. We'd probably all be a lot better off if that parent were, more often than is the case now, the dad. We'd probably also be a lot better off if people cut back on their materialism, forgot about the Joneses for once, and asked the really tough questions about what is important to them in life (and yeah, that would involve not thinking of parenthood as an automatic "given"). I have a feeling we'd have more relaxed people (parents and non-parents), less junk rusting in the garage, and perhaps fewer children born --- but happier parents and therefore happier, more well-rounded kids.