BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids You've had a big impact

This is so true and I believe that this generation of parents that had their children 40 and up are going to be in for a rude awakening when they have to deal with their cute lil darlings in their teenage years and they are going through the reality that they are not as young as they used to be or as equipped to handle the growing responsibilites of teens and young adults.

Listen, I was raised by my grandmother after my mother died and she was in her late 50's/early 60's when I was a teen and I gave this woman HELL!!!!! I would not wish that on my worst enemy.

My bestfriend just had a baby at 45 and now that he is going through his terrible two's she is literally wiped out. I wanted to tell her, dear, it is just beginning.

Yeah, and I know a lot of people with kids who are PAINFULLY in debt, because they want their kids to have EVERY little thing, and be in cheerleading, etc. all of which is very expensive...I think it's smarter to PLAN for expenses, not just jump into it blindly, thinking "Oh, we'll make it work somehow" but then eventually putting off retirement until you're too old to enjoy it!

Cindy

Here's a link to a comic on the "God will provide" theme:

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I was also kind of a problem teenager, and was the kind of baby who cries constantly. My husband is incredibly active, bordering on hyper sometimes. I've always dreaded what our progeny would be like. People always say things like "Oh, it's payback time when you have one." Now that I'm leaning heavily toward not doing it, I keep feeling like I'm getting away with something because I won't have to suffer like my parents. Yay!!

Erma Bombeck (who was of a generation for whom motherhood was an obligation) loved to threaten her kids (somewhat jokingly) "Just wait until you have children of your own!" and even published a book with that phrase as its title. In her later books, she talked about feeling left out of conversations with her peers, who were all grandmothers, and how all she had to show off was a wallet full of snapshots of grandcats and granddogs.

I mention this because the previous comments made me think of the little guilt trips we get from our parents about not having kids. Are they being left out with their peers or are they just cranky about not getting their revenge?

As fot late-in-life babies, are those women nuts!?! Why would anyone subject themselves to the chance of having to endure the terrible twos during menopause? I'm a bit old fashioned in some ways. One of them is that I do not believe that changes in society have had any effect on mother nature's basic set-up. Biologically, the best time for giving birth is still before about age 30. The age forty+ new moms are putting their lives at risk (but they say it's well worth it) and greatly increasing the risk of birth defects. (But they don't talk much about that!)

my mother said the same thing to me, "Just wait until YOU have kids", she would say and "you will understand when you have kids of your own."

Unlike Erma, i am not sure my mom was joking

Hello Freida

By the sounds of your post it seems to me you are unsure about having kids and I think if you are not 100 percent about it thenyou should not ave them.

It sounds like you and your husband have a great life the way it is and having a child could spoil your lifestyle in more ways than you expcted.

Hope

Hi Freida

I think if you are trying to get pregnant and are not HOPING HOPING HOPING that it will happen, then you should not do it.

Hi Frieda, Going back and forth is very normal!! I'm not sure it stops with a halt once you've made the final decision either, I think it is human nature to be doubtful sometimes.
I think age is another thing to consider. My little brother was born when my mum was 36 which is almost young by today's standard! He just turned 21 and my folks are almost 58 and definiely looking older and slowing down. Personally, I think being an older parent would be sooo much harder. They are glad he has moved out, they deserve the rest. My sister-in-law just asked my mum if she would babysit her grandchild on a regular basis..she said no! HAHA! I'm not even going to bother asking her when mine finally arrives, i understand and respect her choice.
Best of luck and welcome to the forum. xx

Hi Chaco and Hope,
I have been 100% sure...about 30% of the time. Not good enough, it's true. For our first try I got pretty excited, and when it didn't work was depressed for about a day. Then we started on the next try, and by then I was starting to feel reality set in I guess. It got to be time for the big day, and I wasn't feeling the I HOPE feeling at all anymore. I was just feeling scared, and questioning what I was getting into. I'm really sick of the emotional rollercoaster! Since we decided to call it off, I've been feeling more relaxed and like I can "do" my life. My husband notices it too.

Annika,
Thanks for saying that. You're right�I don't think I'll ever make a decision I don't have doubts about. Everytime I'm around really nice kids, or the pregnancy fuss, I think about what could have been. But since I can't stay in that mindset, I probably shouldn't do it.

Iluvsummer, thanks for sharing that cartoon.

If I'm jealous of anyone, it's the people who know they don't want kids for sure and don't waver. I think they have it the best.