BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Do pals only contact you to brag about their kids?

I think what's hard for me is that most of the people in my life aren't childfree. And honestly, I'm bringing some of this stuff up because I realize that there are moms who read this board...and I hope some of this is enlightening. I don't want to give up some of my friendships - I just don't see them as expendable. I've been through some experiences in my life that don't allow me to be so black and white, so cut and dried.

I've gotten the impression both from women with children in my life and women with children who visit this board that it never occurs to them that their childfree friends feel alienated from them. I know at dinner parties that women start talking about children and it just never occurs to them that those of us without children are being excluded from the conversation. The fact is, most people can't read minds....and until the topic is brought up, they're never going to know how their friends feel. I'm hoping that some women with children might be more enlightened by this conversation.

I did have a conversation with the friend that ditched me....it didn't go well at first, but I stuck with it and managed to explain the difficulty I'm having with some of my friendships (and she knew she's made me mad by ditching me, so that part of the conversation was pretty easy). I think I actually got a few points across.

If they're real friends they won't ditch you because you want some ocassional adult time and conversation. I'd try to do both if you want to take a soft approach - some outings with and conversations about kids, but also ask for what you want in the other direction - be willing to compromise. If you do it honestly and politely it should be ok.

When the conversation at dinners has gone on too long about kids, change the subject. Be prepared w/topics.

Good luck!

Really. If kid-centric stuff is all you do, then get your own life and stop living vicariously through your children. If you and your husband have careers, how about talking about them? People made friends with YOU, not your KIDS. They want to talk to YOU, not your KIDS. Sorry. But if you have so fundamentally changed from the person you were, then, okay. You have been subsumed by the kid culture. Kids should be a part of your life, not take it over! You are way out of balance otherwise...and very boring to other adults...unless they are just like you..."selfless"...nice jab iwonder. You apparently have enough free time to get on here and poke at us freaks.

I get the ultrasound shots and the details of the ob/gyn exams....and how they had to kick their inlaws out of the hotel room they were sharing b/c the egg was dropping and it was time for sex. Ewww. I don't burden people with details of my bodily functions. When did this become intersting? Any correspondence is all about them and the pregnancy,etc. I try to steer the conversation, if there is a "converstation" to other topics...to no avail. I give up anymore. According to iwonder, they are "selfless" and we are "selfish"...us against them. Screw it. They can't see the forest for the trees.

I rescued a blind dog from a shelter...no eyes. He's special needs. You don't hear me whining about all the extra time it takes to train him and help him around...no just letting him out in the yard. I love that dog, though. I CHOSE HIM. You CHOSE your life, believe it or not.

Pregnancy doesn't just "happen magically" to people...we know what causes that these days...so don't try to martyr yourself here, iwonder. There are plenty of days I don't get to nap...or shower...or shave my legs...because I'm too busy caring for others (my husband, blind dog, abandoned cat, my horse, creatures outside), tending my home, and taking a full graduate school load...in conservation biology...trying to save the planet buckling under all the pressure from those of you that want to birth us into environmental oblivion. Think about the 40,000+ diapers your kids generated in life that we all have to know live with. Yum. Thanks. It's our planet too.

It's hard enough being around a group of women who do nothing but gab about kids. What really gets me is when they sit around and compare pregnancy stories. YACK!!! I mean come on. Do they really think that their childfree friends want to sit there and listen to that garbage? This is when I want to run away screaming.

Yep - me too. I get the same glazed look they get when I talk about tofu. Difference is, I don't talk about tofu every day!

my biggest beef on this subject is women who hijack the conversation away from pertinent issues just to talk about their kids or how tired they are because of the kids. what i am specifically refering to is that i have a coworker that drives me crazy: we'll be at work, talking about the work itself, and she will interupt whomever is speaking to talk about what her kids said that day... and it won't even be a cute anedote related to the conversation. almost every thing she adds to work conversations is off topic and rudely introduced. unfortunately, i can't say much to her about it. i work with a very small group of people and she is highly sensitive. if i make her angry, the entire team will suffer. argh! thanks for giving me a place to vent about this.

I also appreciate the venting - it's kind of taboo to have these child unfriendly feelings but I'm letting my freak flag fly more and more about it : )

After your coworker interupts you, don't respond, then simply continue with the previous conversation. Is that too hostile?

I've tried that. A lot. The woman apparently doesn't care. She just keeps talking as if I'm not there. The other parents in the group just follow her into the land munchkin discussion. And I end up completely out of a conversation that could have been productive and involved everyone...

WAVE THAT FREAK FLAG, Nosy! I'm waving it with you!