BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Fencesitter no more...

Hi everyone.
I thought I'd let you know that I am 25 weeks pregnant. I haven't been on this site for such a long time. Coming to terms with our little surprise has been a big deal for me and I think I wanted to avoid this site so I wouldn't add to the confusion. Thankfully,now I am at the stage where I am excited and keen to do my best at bringing this little person up.
Funnily enough, people meddling in my life never ceases. My partner and I have decided to concentrate on raising this ONE little person, we weren't sure we even wanted one so we certainly do not want a tribe for the sake of it. Well, we have learnt VERY quickly to keep our mouths shut about that decision. When we were fencesitting on the childfree fence we were selfish. (You know all the comments, I don't need to repeat them!) Now I am baking one and focusing on doing the best for this one child, we are selfish because we don't want more!
YOU HONESTLY CAN'T WIN!
We will do our best at raising and educating this child, especially ensuring it has adequate social contact before school to replace siblings. People saying, "Oh, you need to have another baby so they can play together" don't even talk to their siblings now as adults!! Or "You need to have another baby so they can amuse each other and you won't need to spend as much time with the first, one on one". Well, if that isn't selfish....ARRGGHHH!
Okay, that's more than enough. Thanks for listening and letting me vent.
I just thought you might be interested in my experiences, especially those who are still at the decision making stage.
Much love.

wow, I can't believe people are asking you about future babies when this one isn't even born yet! Very rude. People *will* try to meddle in your life but can't they meddle with one thing at a time??

Anyway... I'm sure it wasn't an easy time for you; making the "final" childfree/child decision after that surprise. Congrats on getting through it and best of luck to you!

They do realize that you're having a baby and not a dog, right?

Best wishes, annika.

BTW, the rabbit rescue group I belong to (I also publish the local newsletter) just had a series about bringing a baby into a rabbit household. If you are interested in the article, PM me and I'll send it to you. The woman who wrote it has done a really good job of balancing bunny and baby time (her bunnies and her baby both think he is a funny-looking bunny).

Thanks for your replies.
Yes, accidents do happen...I don't need to remind you to be careful LOL.
Hmmm, yes, a baby, not a dog, who knew?!!

TBunny, thanks for remembering me. With much sadness, Preston has been living outside for the last week. I am still in two minds about it. We built him a run of 2 metres/1 metre wide to attach to his home and when I've felt the weather is a bit touchy, he has just been in his home under the back porch. I miss him desperately but my partner was having problems with fur everywhere and it seemed the only solution in the end. I give him as many cuddles as possible but it's just not the same as lazing around in the same room together, etc.

So, the baby and bunnies article probably isn't that relevant now he is not a house-bun anymore, but I'd love any information on introducing a new little friend for him from the pound! He is such a social little chap and I think it is the least I can do.

annika, check out this link from the House Rabbit Society on bunny bonding:
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Finally - someone who should have a child is having one! Sounds like you have a good plan and a level head. Good luck annika!

You really can't win, can you. Talk about selfish...how about the people who have another child to use as spare medical parts for the existing child (e.g. bone marrow donor). So, you should bring another life into the world to serve as a playmate for the first. Join a play group! Adopt a child already here that needs a home....

Anyway, best of luck. You have to play with the hand you are dealt. Don't be shy about contibuting.

Out of curiosity, are you feeling that you are being looked upon as more "mature" or "womanly" now that you are pregnant? Whereas you were selfish and immature before?

Thanks for the links about bunny bonding, TBunny. Perfect! :-)

Nosy, what a lovely comment to make, thankyou!

I realise now that people arn't necessarily trying to be rude, they just wrongly assume. We've been told to buy good quality baby furniture/pram/maternity wear etc so they can last for all our children. Instead I've found some perfectly good bargains on ebay that, in reality, just need to last a year or two...it's fantastic! For now, I've decided to hold my tongue. I guess we'll face a barrage of comments again when the child is 2 or 3...how awful. Anyway, what with IVF and adoption etc, I don't think it should be too hard to find other parents who have only one child, whether by choice or not. Hopefully that will help too if we have any problems I think are specific to the issue.

PMO, I don't think I am being looked upon as more mature or womanly. However, this may be because we arn't married and still don't intend on doing this for several reasons. I think this stops me joining the 'adult club' in some people's eyes despite the pregnancy. I still think the phrase "misery loves company" rings true sometimes for parents having a hard time, people in unhappy marriages etc!

I am an only child (well, my mom's only child, my dad's second, but I was not raised with my sister) and I have to tell you - I LOVED IT! Sometimes when I was younger I was a little sad not to have a brother or sister, but for the most part, it was awesome. Of course, I don't share as well as I should now ...

The point is, there are a lot of only children out there, although it does seem to be a dying trend. You'll find it's a lot easier to have one than two, because only children develop interests to keep themselves busy, they don't have to rely on other siblings to keep them entertained.

Finding deals on eBay is a fantastic idea. Thrift stores have some really good stuff, too, in terms of clothing and shoes.

It's too bad that there is such a stigma against unmarried couples. Considering the divorce rate these days, you would think that unmarried couples would be more accepted in society. It also depresses me that if there is a child involved, it becomes even more unacceptable. I don't think a piece of paper should matter ...