BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What the heck is so great about parenthood?

I feel like I was raised on a different planet from most people. When I was a kid, mothers did not make it look very fun. To be honest it looked like drudgery. I know there's some good things about it, but it seemed like my view was pretty similar to my friends. But then we grew up, and they had babies, and say it's the most wonderful thing ever. I read the postings asking if people are not telling the truth, and I've wondered that too. It seems like parents are always so eager to get away from their kids.

I agree - parents DO seem a little too eager to get away.

Given where you posted the question, I wonder whether you really want an answer.....?

If you do, I can tell you a few things that have been great for ME. Whether any of them would apply to the experience for YOU, I can't say.

I never was one of those who rejoiced when school went back into session, etc--now that he's gone to college, I miss him and likely always will even though he's where he belongs and I wouldn't have it any other way. But every life experience is different for each person, so is your question sincere?

Yes, despite my question probably sounding trite, I was sincere and am interested in your reply! I'm trying to figure out which way to go, and am having a hard time with the decision. I realize it's different for everyone.

I had an okay childhood, but my parents were divorced. It didn't look very fun for my mom. In retrospect I think she was depressed a lot. I just didn't come out of it with a feeling like parenthood would be enjoyable. It looked really hard.

But now when I see my friends who have kids, they seem to love it in many ways, but do seem pretty eager to get breaks from their kids, so it's not clear to me. Hope that explains my question a little better.

Frieda, I have no doubt that your question is sincere.

Wanderer, for those of us who have chosen to be childree or considering it, we are surrounded by people telling us to be a mom...asking us why in the world we would not want to be a mom...as we get older, everyone we know has a kid or is desperately wanting a kid...but most of us are not feeling that desire...

I cannot speak for Frieda, but I know I have asked these questions, thinking I must have missed something. Now I realize that this is just how I am.

Thanks for your support Chaco. You are exactly right on about how I'm feeling.

I'm realizing the biological clock thing is not what I expected. I don't feel any more maternal urges than I ever did. I've always liked babies about the same, and been unsure about parenthood. It's more a matter of your body can only do it for so long, so in your late 30's you have to make a decision. Either now, soon and deal with increased risks, never, or adoption. How can such a huge decision be taken lightly?

This is a little off the subject, but I want to be able to retain my life, hobbies, passions, and not just live vicariously through a child. I was reading a mom blog the other day where someone was asking what to do with their time now that their child is in school. And here I'm wondering where the time will come from in my life to raise a child. People spend so much time making sure their kids are involved in activities and lessons, but don't seem to think it's important to do those things themselves. I don't understand that.

I think that when you have a full life that you are happy with, the question to have a child can be more difficult. Frieda, you sound happy with your life. Some people (I am not saying all, so parents, please don't feel offended), have children because they are bored. A friend of mine told me that is why he wants a kid. Others do it because they think it is what they are supposed to do....when life is good and you are satisfied..why mess with it? if you really want a kid, you go for it. otherwise, it seems a huge risk.

You are reading my mind! We are asking ourselves exactly those questions. Why take this risk? I guess our indecision is because it could be wonderful and it might add a new dimension of happiness we can't even imagine in our current state. Or it could drive us to divorce, bankruptcy, or post partum depression. There are so many possibilites. I don't want to make a decision based on fear, but I don't like gambling with such high stakes either.

I think its personality some people honestly love being parens, I have a friend who lives with her parents, husband and 11 month old son. She is thrilled, I would be freaking out. Other people are not as fit for parenthood. I have another friend with an 11 month old daughter who regulary tells me "dont do it." She loves her daughter but is overwhelmed and admits she wasnt really set up for parenthood. We dont all have to be the same. i dont question why most people want to be a parent as there are plenty of legitmiate reasons, its just that they are not my reasons.

As I've said before...a product that was actually so great wouldn't need such good societal PR. Why do we see the ads for Staples that show jubilant parents, taking their kids school shopping at the end of the summer? Why do we see ads for airlines, showing a couple duping the grandparents into coming and visiting (by buying them tickets), then hauling a#$ on them as soon as the kids are with Gran and Gramps? Why do we see the bumperstickers saying "I wish I'd known about parenthood...I'd have had my grandchildren first"? (Which is not all that different from us CFs saying "I love being an auntie, but no thanks on the parenthood thing"). It's as if you're allowed to be un-PC about kids, but only if you've "taken one for the team" and become a parent first...

Admitting that parenthood isn't all sweetness and light --- owning up to the fact that it's one of the very few things in life where, once you start, there's no going back or reconsidering...it's all verboten. It's the biggest taboo there is. It's OK to laugh at the Staples ads or the airline ads, but it's not OK to say "Yeah, this is not what I expected. I wish I hadn't". Occasionally, you'll hear an elderly person ragging on parenthood and saying it's not all it was cracked up to be, but only when they're decades removed from it (elderly people get to say whatever the @#$% they want!!!). 70% of Anne Landers's readers said that if they could choose again knowing what they knew after becoming parents, they wouldn't...but they only said that with the condition that they would remain anonymous.

This hype is all magnified by the fact that Baby Boomers (who definitely are in charge of the media right now) seem to like to pretend that they invented everything --- from music to pop culture to parenthood. It's as if they're the first ones to have gone through the process of childrearing. Certainly, not all Boomers are insufferable (there are plenty of wonderful Boomers on this board...and since I was born in 1966, I'm only two years removed from that demographic myself!), but the ones in places of power in the media do need to be reminded: "Sorry, guys...Couldja stop navel-gazing for justa second? Thanks. Reproduction is not your invention. Other humans have done it for eons --- with a lot less fuss, too. Also, please keep in mind that reproduction is something that any cat, rat, or frog can do. If you want congratulations, the birth is a bit soon for that. Why not come back to us when your kid is 30 and has actually proven that he's a contributing member of society? We'll throw you a party then."

Elise