BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Doubts? More or less as you get older.

"Kids are mean, selfish, loud, and annoying. Especially when they're together, much nicer one at a time. I am SO glad I don't have kids"
ME TOO, NOSY!!! My ex's siblings had TONS of children, ranging from kind of cute and sweet to literally winding up and taking whacks at me. Furthermore, their parents had a tendency to bolt out of the room as soon as another adult was nearby (like, what was that? Last one out's the rotten egg, stuck baby-sitting?) Every time I was forced to attend a family function, I couldn't wait to get home to my child-free home. We've since split, and I certainly don't miss the children. Anyway, I'm almost 26 and my certainty hasn't shifted either way. Don't want 'em, never have, probably never will. If my mind does change, I agree with all of you who support adoption. I would rather care for an older child that "no one else wanted" than make my own!

I've seen that disappearing act, too. As soon as Auntie or Nana or Papa are there to watch the kids, mom and dad are nowhere to be found. It illustrates very clearly how much of a break they need, although instead of disappearing, they should ask if Auntie, Nana, or Papa minds watching the kids for an hour or some other clearly defined period of time. It's the considerate thing to do.

I'm 40 and have really started to embrace the CF lifestyle. I think I will have fewer doubts as I get older, and I hope I will not have any regrets. I would have a child if my husband wanted one, but he doesn't, and I've accepted that. I'm also a teacher, and I see some nice kids, but I also have to deal with those "mean, selfish, loud, and annoying" ones you talk about, Nosy. Kids can drive you crazy. I really appreciate my quiet time at home. I like not having to cater to a child's needs 24 hours a day. I can take care of myself, read, and pursue my own interests.

In my case, I did not want kids AT ALL until I turned 40 and I frantically underwent fertility treatments and when that did not work, I then investigated adoption.

What cured me is that I met another woman, also in her 40's who had adopted a child and we became friends. She "allowed" me to babysit once a week to see if I REALLY wanted to be a mom.

That did it for me. I realized that there is no way that I can be a full-time mother and I realized that I was just giving in to societal pressure because I was approaching 40.

Now at 46, no more baby talk for me and I am contented with my CF status. I found another role for myself which I simply adore. Being part of single mother's villages. That is, I take their children once or twice a month for a sleep-over on a day out. This gives the mom a day of much needed rest and gives me the chance to have the love and bonding of a child in my life, but I am able to take the little bugger home at the end of the day, which works very well for me because I LOVE my nice quiet existence.

The answers will come for you in time.

Less doubts about wanting children, more doubts about how that affects the other people in my life.

Really good replies, by the way.

Thankyou for your answers. I really appreciate responses like commoncents who has found time to spend with kids but not have any. That is what I would like I want kids to be a part of my life at work (I teach) and through friends or volunteering but I dont want my own. A woman at my job who is helping me find a hosue her husband is a realtor questioned me about school districts I said I dont care I dont have kids. She knows my feelings but pressed arent you planning someday. For the first time I clearly said "no, In not" with no backpeddling and I was proud of myself. I dont need to want kids to be a good or kind person or even a person who loves kids

I know what you mean about clearly, firmly, and proudly taking the CF position. It feels liberating.

When one has kids there's no going back, but we will always have choices - have one if we're still capable, adopt, big sister program, baby-sitting, etc. I get to enjoy (mostly my sister's kids and even participate in their rearing - as much or as little as I want to. If we want kids in our life we can choose exactly the level that's comfortable for us.

I definitely have fewer doubts as I get older. I am 37, and the idea of dealing with diapers, teething, weird sleep schedules and all that baby stuff makes me feel all itchy. A friend my age is trying to get pregnant (it's her first) and I'm like, "you're welcome to it, no thanks for me!" I think I get more set in my ways as I get older, and don't feel flexible enough about my lifestyle to want to change it to accommodate a baby. I can't image a child of any age in my life 24/7. I like being able to do what *I* want to do (along with what hubby wants to do, of course). Right now hubby takes a night class, so most evenings I *can* do whatever I want, and it's so nice! Last night I decided to take a leisurely bath, and aside from one of the dogs nearly falling in while he decided to drink the bathwater, it was great. Would I be able to do that if I had kids? I don't think so.

Cindy

Considering that this is one of the most persistent questions for the CF set, it's good to know! I'm inclined to think this would be true. I'm 36 and have just finally decided to remain CF, and the more I think about it, the more I'm certain it was the right decision for me.

I'm cracking up over your dog almost falling in the water while trying to drink the bathwater.

Doing whatever you want, whenever you want is an aspect of my life I could never give up! I think what makes parents and future parents (and friends and family and the grocery clerk!) insist that we're all weird for not wanting kids is the simple fact that they envy that aspect of our lives. Sure, we all have friends, family, commitments to work or clubs or dates or dinners, etc. but ultimately, when work ends, the day is ours. If I forego a trip to the gym, I feel less fit that day. If a parent decides not to feed their child for awhile, they get to go to jail. I wouldn't have kids because instead of a joy, I think they would feel like an obligation. As someone who has been someone else's obligation before, that's not a feeling I'd pass along.