BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids How Is It Selfish?

I was having a conversation with a co-worker today regarding Angelina Jolie's plans to adopt another child, this time from Vietnam. This was the response the co-worker sent me back and I highlighed what I wanted to discuss:

"Isn't it amazing how Brad Pitt just walked away from his marriage to Jennifer Anniston and is living such a different lifestyle with Ms. Jolie? Who would have thought he had all this love to give to children? I hate to say it but I feel like he made the right move to leave Jennifer. It seems like they could only have been living a completely selfish existence (which is okay, don't have kids if you're selfish). Look how many lives have been blessed, though, since he did move on.

I'm proud of both he and Angelina."

Could someone PLEASE explain to me how in the heck is it selfish to NOT want kids? I've heard this for years and It just baffles me to no end. I could see being called selfish if you had kids and neglected them or put their needs second to your own (like many parents do), but I just cannot wrap my brain around being considered selfish because you make a choice not to have any.

Thoughts?

That makes me want to scream!!

I think about the time and ability I have to GIVE because I have no kids.

It is great that Brad and Angelina adopt kids. But I have no clue what Brad and Jennifer did in their time together. I am sure it was not ALL selfish endeavors.

Kids may be the only thing you are called SELFISH for NOT wanting!!

Me too Chaco!!! I mean really ... praising a man for dumping his wife because he's having & adopting kids. Weird logic.

It is selfish because you are denying your parents and siblings their right to be grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

Personally, I am NOT comfortable with the whole baby boom going on in Hollywood and everyone having or adopting babies. I don't really read magazines like US or People, but sometimes at work I'm just so bored and that's all there is to read. It seems like every page is about actors and their babies. Ugh!

I have to say, I don't like Angelina Jolie but I do admire how she adopts impoverished children. Of course, she collects kids like I collect dog toys.

I think you're right Ingilbert. Pretty darn selfish of me to deny others their happiness. [Sarcasm]

I actually think Brad is pretty selfish for leaving Jennifer. You can tell your friend she did have a miscarriage during their time together so they weren't living that "selfish of an existence". One doesn't have to dump their wife to adopt kids but who am I to judge, we only get one side of the story. Sorry went off track.

Back to your question, "Could someone PLEASE explain to me how in the heck it is selfish to NOT want kids?" I don't think it's selfish to make an informed choice. And I really don't understand the mentality of people who think it's selfish. If anything it's selfish to say such comments to people who have chosen not to have kids.

Please set your friend straight.

I think it's pretty sick that we're even privy to such information about celebs. Let them have their lives and let's live ours...see 'em at the movies and let's not know every last detail (not to slam you, Moe...it's the celeb culture which I can't stand).

I can't stand the "celeb bump watch" that we've devolved into...and even more, that many media outlets consider it actual "news". It's laughable. But that said, Angelina and Brad get kudos from me for adopting needy children. They're several notches above many other celebs in this ridiculously pro-natalist media climate, at least.

However...how can someone be selfish, unless they're failing to live up to a responsibility they've already signed up for, or which is incumbent upon them? Parents who bring children into this world and then neglect them are selfish. People who decide not to have children are not being selfish...they just have other priorities, some of which sometimes include bettering the lives of children who are already here (through being educators, mentors, informed and active citizens, or just plain taxpayers, thankyouverymuch).

I love this analogy: if someone asks you why you're not a parent, ask them why they're not feeding the hungry in Asia? Or why they're not a firefighter? Or why they're not working with homeless people in Bangladesh? These are all difficult, low-glamour-quotient jobs (just like parenting). The difference is that they *need* doing --- and they need to be done for people who are *already here*. Why aren't these parents attending to the needs of people who are already here first... people who are in terrible need...by doing one of these selfless jobs?

Because...they want to have their own children, their own genes, carry on their own name. Parenting is not about selflessness or charity or generosity to the world --- and never was. When you talk long enough to a parent about why they had kids, it generally comes down to "I wanted..."

Which is totally OK, but --- calling us selfish? Puh-leeez.

Elise

I will Moe. I was so preplexed after she sent the email and once again the "S" word was being bandied about that I was speechless. Thought I would bring my query to like minds first.

Did not know that Jennifer had a miscarriage. How sad for her if she really wanted children.

I love this and will refer to it in the future. You are absolutely right! Many parents are being selfish and I've seen for myself many over 40ish women spend literally in excess of $20,000 for IVF all so that they can reproduce their own genes instead of adopting a child and giving them a better life. How much more selfish can you get than that?