BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Do pals only contact you to brag about their kids?

Ah, and yet it is "kids have to be kids" argument is what I hear all the time with kids who are acting up. So maybe since parents overburden their kids with activities and committments, they make up for taking "fun" time away by letting them act like wild animals?

Oh, and by the way, speaking of committments - I used to teach gymnastics, and we would prepare all year with gymnastics routines, dance routines, etc. and then the day of the competition, some girls wouldn't show up. It didn't affect the other girls if it was just a gymnastics competition, but it DID affect them when it was something the whole group had to do.

Reasons they missed? Oh, she didn't feel ready. She was too nervous. She was too tired. Her friend asked if she could spend the night. She didn't feel like it. I thought it was going to be too long of a day.

My friend at work has a daughter who was supposed to participate in a similar program. Her gymnastics team was going to do a little exhibition at a college meet. The daughter didn't feel she was ready, and my friend didn't want to sit through a whole day, so they didn't go. (I can sort of understand, though, because her husband is a deadbeat who won't do anything with the kids so she does everything, AND he refuses to give her a divorce and she can't afford to fight for one.)

Anyway, in addition to not being able to control their kids, parents also are not teaching them what "committment" means.

I don't dislike children like maybe others do. Like I said, I love my nieces and nephews and really my friends' kids are beautiful little kids. I just don't want to raise any of my own.

I've said this in a separate thread, but it's really challenging to find your place in the middle of people who accept and fit into the social norm of wanting children. It's incredibly difficult to find or create a community of people who want similar things in life. I now feel out of place in so many situations that involve my friends with kids. It's really hard to participate in a conversation with a group of friends and acquaintances who have kids because really, that's all they talk about. I usually end up sitting there listening and not saying anything. It gets so unbelievably boring. And ultimately I'm left out.

Snooks, that's exactly how I end up feeling when we socialize with my husband's friends, the women end up in a room talking about kids, the men are in another room discussing sports (which I can't contribute much to, at least not at their level of enthusiasm) and I end up bored on my own! And he can't understand why I feel that way?

Cindy

I thought I was the only one experiencing this - I tend to just follow my partner like a puppy dog to ensure that I don't get trapped by the "mummy brigade". The only time this doesn't work is camping weekends when I don't want to go 4WD'ing with the boys and I'm stuck at camp with the mums/children. The first time we went camping with these people the children question came up about 10 seconds after my partner had left, then I got a good 20 minutes of how wonderful children are followed by having one of the mums leave me in charge of her offspring. If they're so great, you look after them.

The thing is though, the whole conversation with them centred around children. I tried to go to work/current affairs/anything else, and they always bring it back.

Oh no - you're definitely not the only one experiencing this. Not to hijack this thread, but this is one of the harder aspects of not having kids when everyone else does. It gets very boring and lonely at social functions when you're the only one without children. It's just so awkward. I don't know if I should just dismiss myself or sit looking as bored as I feel.
I'm really going to have to start some kind of group in my area. As I've gotten older, it's harder to meet new people - especially childless people.

Snooks, hijack this thread... it will make me happy! A thought... all the couples you know will someday be childless, so to speak. Five pages and going on... it has turned out quite interesting.

Not necessarily childless...I know plenty of people who are as obsessed over their grandkids as many people are over their kids...it happens!

Cindy

"all the couples you know will someday be childless, so to speak"


That's crossed my mind....but by then I'll be in an even different place.

It really is so awkward - dinner parties, get-togethers, shopping and lunch....if it's with women who have children, I do get left out. Shopping can be the worst - if I go shopping with female friends who have children, I either have to go off on my own or hang out in the children's section while they shop for their kids. I can't express the level of boring that is for me. But I have to smile and pretend I'm okay with it if I don't want to damage those friendships. It's a balancing act....literally walking a fine line. There's a lot of hyper-sensitivity that I have to navigate.

I don't want to over-generalize, but do women with children expect us to be okay with sitting awkwardly through these dinners listening to conversations that only center on children...to wait patiently in the children's section of a store while they shop for kids? I'm really just not sure what I'm supposed to do during these situations or what's expected of me by these friends, relatives, and acquaintances. Redirecting conversations rarely works. And there's no way I'm telling a woman that I'm bored with watching her shop for her kids. Are we just expected to try to fit in? I'd honestly love to know the answer to this because I'm at a loss over my role in these peoples' lives.

If someone ONLY talked about their kids, or any other single subject for that matter, I'd have to distance myself. Same with painfully boring outings like shopping with a young child. I'm much happier being alone than stuck in a dull situation with others.

As much as I don't want to reject a friend for being a parent, I also don't want to engage in activities that will cause me to resent them. Also, that will encourage them to find some kid lovers or fellow parents to engage in those activities with.

Wow Snooks, maybe you could assert yourself a little about this stuff w/o damaging the friendships. And really, your friends should get a sitter for an adult outing sometimes! Could you be worrying too much about what they think or how they may react? I can't stand shopping w/anyone - it's just boring looking at stuff others are interested in. So I just don't do it - I just tell my friends I don't find group shopping fun and we do other things. It's not a big deal for me, but then again most of my friends are CF or their kids are older.