logo

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
need help. he thinks i cheated, but i didn't #293345
02/18/07 03:14 PM
02/18/07 03:14 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 296
happy one Offline OP
Shark
happy one  Offline OP
Shark

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 296
i really need help. a few years ago, we had to buy condoms because of a medical treatment i was going through. well, friday, my husband was driving my car, and he found one of the condoms stuck between the passenger seat and the console. i have no idea how it got there or when it got there. he thinks i've cheated on him now. i've never been with another man except my husband, i will never be with another man except my husband, i don't want to be with another man except my husband.

but i can't convince him of this because i have no explanation for why the condom was in my car. the only thing i can think of is that i must have gotten something out of the nightstand, and the condom was mixed in with it. but that seems so out of reach even to me.

if i had found it, i would be suspicious too. so i don't blame him for thinking this. but i haven't done anything. and he doesn't believe me at all. the worst part is he said he doesn't care either. that really bothers me too.

how can i ever gain his trust again? i don't understand how this happened, and i don't know what to do anymore. he doesn't want me to touch him. he doesn't want to be around me. when we were at the gym, i glanced over at him, and he was looking at me like i was the biggest wh888 in the place. i could tell he felt that way.

there's nothing i can do. i can't admit anything because there's nothing to admit. nothing. if there were, i would tell him. i know it sounds so implausible, but i really don't have a clue how it got there or how long it's been there or why it was there. but he doesn't believe me. and like i said, i wouldn't believe me either.

i'm so worried that our marriage is over. and it's because of something that never happened, but that he thinks did happen. he says he still loves me, but that he doesn't believe me. i don't know if he'll ever trust me. when he looks at me or thinks about it, i know what's goign through his mind. all the things that would be going through my mind if i had been the one to find it.

is there anything we can do? is there anything i can do to convince him? to gain his trust? to make him believe me?

our marriage has survived some rough patches, but i'm terrified it's not going to survive this. and that's what bothers me the most. there's no reason for this. nothing ever happened, but he thinks something did.

i could use all the advice i could get right now. or reassurance. or something. i don't know what. can any of you turn back the clock and let 2007 start over? i keep wishing i had been the one who had found it because i'd probably accept whatever explanation i get. i'm easily swayed. but maybe i wouldn't. i don't know. i do know that i'm hurting right now, and i hate this.

Re: need help. he thinks i cheated, but i didn't [Re: happy one] #293349
02/18/07 03:40 PM
02/18/07 03:40 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 215
E
Erika@Crime Offline
Shark
Erika@Crime  Offline
Shark
E

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 215
Is it possible someone else riding in your car may have dropped it? Do you ever go to lunch with the girls from the office or a friend?

Re: need help. he thinks i cheated, but i didn't [Re: happy one] #293351
02/18/07 03:56 PM
02/18/07 03:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 11
USA
onus Offline
Newbie
onus  Offline
Newbie

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 11
USA
I'm sorry you're going through this, what came to me is that it seems that
the two of you may have some trust issues. Otherwise he would believe
you and just chalk it up to being something weird that's happened. I wonder if
he'd be receptive to a conversation about trust in your relationship. Then
maybe you and he could get to the root of the problem. It also sounds kind
of like an excuse, on his part, to push you away and to be angry. I hope that
this helps you. Take care, BeReal.

Re: need help. he thinks i cheated, but i didn't [Re: onus] #293479
02/19/07 10:29 AM
02/19/07 10:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 562
Iran
babak Offline
Gecko
babak  Offline
Gecko

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 562
Iran
I'm so sorry for your situation. I guess you will find clue of this mystery so soon.
Didn't you omission some thing? if he think you cheated him, who is in another side? No man is around that he suspected about him?

Other wise even if you can't find a reason for condom appearance, I think gradually he will find the truth by feeling and thinking, your behavior will show him how much he was wrong.
I think it happen for many of couples to have suspected on their mates, I know that you have very hard time there but you must stay until this time pass.

Re: need help. he thinks i cheated, but i didn't [Re: babak] #293974
02/21/07 11:27 AM
02/21/07 11:27 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
Ireland
M
MissCharlotte Offline
Jellyfish
MissCharlotte  Offline
Jellyfish
M

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 115
Ireland
Hi Holles,

I used to post over at MNK and remember your lovely posts from there. You've had a tough time over the last few years, and i'm sure you could do without all this extra grief now.
You guys have been together for quite some time. It seems a little strange that J wouldn't believe you when you tell him that you haven't cheated. Is he usually insecure about you? Has he been suspicious like this before? It seems like a very strong reaction from him for something that doesn't have to be a big deal.
If i were in your position, i would make it clear him that i did not cheat - but only one more conversation. I would state that i wasn't prepared to let the paranoia go on and on. And if he persists in believing this about you, then maybe he has some issues to work out. You guys will work this out, if you BOTH want that.
Notice how you're not presuming that the condom was his? That's because you trust him. Why doesn't he show you the same courtesy? You deserve better holles, you haven't done anything wrong here. And J should know better after all you've been through together.


Brand New Posts
Astronomy and Space 2019 – Highlights *new*
by Mona - Astronomy. 01/19/20 11:28 AM
2020: On this day . . .
by Mona - Astronomy. 01/19/20 11:05 AM
Top Ten Astronomy Stories of 2019 *new*
by Mona - Astronomy. 01/18/20 08:51 AM
The Royal Couple searching for New Home
by Monika R. 01/17/20 05:40 PM
Do you have a label?
by Lynne - ChristianLiving. 01/17/20 02:48 PM
Native Women in Film Festival
by Monika R. 01/17/20 06:45 AM
Cold snap in Alaska!
by Monika R. 01/16/20 11:12 PM
What defines our Canadian culture?
by Angie. 01/16/20 08:19 PM
Button Embellishments
by Cheryl - Sewing Editor. 01/15/20 11:32 PM
Workshop For Female Screenwriters Over 40
by Angela - Drama Movies. 01/15/20 02:49 AM
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Sponsor


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2020 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1