BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage He cant let go of the past

I dont know what t do with my husband of 5 years. I love him dearly but he is unwilling to let go of the past and try to work on the future. I was in a very bad relationship prior to my husband, a very abusive and mean man. He would hit me just because it was Tuesday. I never called the police for fear that they would take me to jail... my weird brain. I eventually left and married my current husband, we fight like cats and dogs. We never have gotten laong. He and I are opposite, but there is this part of him that I am drawn to. He has the ability to make me feel like a princess and when he wants to he does take realy good care of me but some days he just hates me. He says it is due to me pushing his buttons and that i am tring to drive him crazy. HE can go days and days without ever speaking to me. he would rather speak to the dog. He say it is better conversation. any how the last 3 years he is convinced that i have cheated on him. it all started when I started to work more hours(for extra income for the family) ever since then on a daily basis he tells me that he wasnts to beat me to a bloody pulp. His exact words. a few times he has pulled a knife on me and taunted me, asking me if I was scared to die? always replied NO, we all got to die some time...I know not the smartest thing to say. a few times i have called the police but it did no good he always managed to get them on his side. one even said once to him that it looked like I was just having a temper tnatrum. To make a long story short, he is mad that I called the cops on him even tho he never hit me and I never called the cops on the SOB who did hit me. He is even saying now that it would be worht it to beat the [censored] out of me and go to jail just so he can release his frustration. How do I get him to understand that in the past I was a scared little girl and now I am a scarede woman, who just doesnt want to take any more of his [censored]!! I am just a woman who wants her husband to love her as much as she lovves him. HELP ME PLEASE

2 problems.

ONE: he isn't taking responsibility for his own shortcomings,he's putting all the blame on you. This will never change, until he gets it for himself, sees that it's a real issue, and decides to consciously rectify it for himself.
That's one.

TWO: You have been in one abusive relationship (involving physical violence) and you've just moved sideways into another one, involving verbal/psychological violence.
There's a pattern forming.
That's two.

My advice?

Really?

I'm shooting from the hip now, ok.....?



Kick this one to the kerb as well, get out and find yourself some professional counselling to determine why you find seem to hone in on abusive men, and how you can stop the viscious pattern.

You don't love him, trust me. This thing you call love, is a dependency, a need to be loved....but it's not Love.

He will never love you the way you want to be loved. So quit now, or else you'll always be lamenting what you could have instead.

He pulled a knife on you and you still want to be with him?!

You need to leave him and you need counseling in that order.
Aleaxandra is right-you don't love him, you are in a dependent relationship that feeds you what you think is love.

BTW, no one can make anyone love them. He doesn't love you.

Is there alcohol involved or drugs? These are a dangerous combination to have around a man who pulls a knife on you and threatens to beat the hell out of you.

Please get out now. Call a Women's Shelter for a safe house.

I'm with Kristen and Alexandra on this. And I imagine anyone that responds will say the same thing.

For your own safety...please get out! He doesn't love you. He wants someone to control and manipulate. I know about this more than I should, because I watched this happen between my parents. My mom finally had the courage to leave, but not before my dad did significant psychological damage.

You are worth more than this. You deserve a marriage where there is mutual trust and respect. All women deserve this. Please please please leave him and go get help. Things are not going to get any better...they are only going to get worse. If he has threatened your life, take that seriously. He wouldn't do that as a joke, or just say that out of anger.

Please call a women's shelter. Your life depends on it.