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Hi everyone...
I just thought this little conversation I had with my mom a few weeks ago was very interesting so I'd share it with you all. Somehow the subject of kids came up, and I told my mom that it would be hard for me NOT to get an abortion, because she has said before that she'd keep the kid if I got pregnant. I told her I'd have to get an abortion if that were the case; I wouldn't want a kid finding out I was their "mother" and following me around, even if they were older. I find kids quite disgusting and childbirth very scary anyway. She would NOT take that as an answer. She also said, "Well if you ended up pregnant while married to Tim and you wanted me to keep the child until you were ready to..." I cut her off right there and said, "WHAT? There is no way in h*ll I'm keeping a kid." So, defeated, she sighed and said, "I think you need to pray about this." (She is a very big Christian...so am I, except that I hate kids, which seems to be a freaking sin.) I asked her why, and she said, "You can't just hate children. That'd be like someone hating cats to you." She knows I love animals more than the world but I said that it's up to the person. It doesn't BOTHER me if someone else hates cats, there's nothing I can do about it and it's NONE of my BUSINESS. Then she went on to say that I should pray to LIKE CHILDREN. I told her I feel fine with the way I am and who I am. Then I got up and left--it ticked me off so bad.

Now, I'm not trying to hate on Christians or anything--like I said, I am one. I just thought this whole thing, and everything she said about praying to like kids, was just ridiculous. I don't want to pray to like kids, especially if it actually works. Then I'd find myself to be a mom--the last thing I want to be in the world. I want to be unique in the way that I don't have, want, or like kids. I feel good about being myself and I don't want to change that.

Does anyone have any opinions on our conversation? Does anybody think I actually should "at least" like kids, like my mom does? Keep in mind that I do know hating kids as I do isn't necessarily good. It's just a part of me. So, any thoughts?

Hey, if you don't like kids, you don't like kids! I love kids, but I don't think any less of people who don't like them, hate them, or love them more than me! It's "simply one's state of being," as Inara from the TV show "Firefly" once said (yes, I'm a geek.)

Are you sure that you actually "hate" kids? I don't have a problem with that, I'm just curious. Is it all kids in general? I know that there are some kids that I hate, and some I don't like. I don't just naturally like all kids. Are there any kids that you do like? If there are, maybe you can let your mom know that, since it seems to be such a big deal for her (although, it seems like maybe she really wants a grandchild, but that's not her choice. Her suggestion that she "keep" the child until you're ready seems really out there.)

I don't think that you should pray to like kids. If your mom mentions it again, I would say, "I will pray that you accept me for who I am." Making yourself like kids won't make you a better person. Accept yourself for who you are, and eventually your mom will, too.

A thought is only a thought. And a thought can be changed.

I think your resistance is indicative of a hurdle you have to overcome within yourself. I'm not suggesting your mother is right. I'm not even suggesting you try to change and love kids. But kids are just human, and they grow up.
What I am saying is that perhaps there is a way wihin you in which you could approach this feeling from a different direction.
Do you dislike all kids?
Do you dislike the thought of yourself, when you were a kid?
Do all kids turn you off when you see them?
Or is it just the idea of kids?
Strip it down. Cut it to bits.
Analyse what it is, pinpoint it within you, this feeling you have.
be a friend to yourself, and understand that whatever it is you are thinking, seeing or feeling, it's all under your control, nobody else's.
I think your mom is just trying to help you do this, but she sees prayer, and liking kids as the only way through. maybe she can't express herself a whole lot better.
But it's up to you to be mature with yourself, and to untie yourself from this mess.
Remember that your hatred of children binds you to them as much as if you loved them.

TimsGirl... I agree that you don't HAVE to like kids. There is no written rule that says that everyone has to like/love children.
My guess is that your mom has a hard time seeing a different point of view.
I'm with you, I don't like most kids (kids in general). But I have met a very FEW children that I liked. Even when I was a kid, I did not like most other children - they were mostly mean to me. Many of the kids that I've met as an adult are not very nice either. So, in general, I don't like children, but I had one niece who was a great kid.
Perhaps you could get away with not bringing the subject up again with your mom. If she does bring it up again, if you do have some room to admit that there is probably one or two okay kids in the world, then your mom might be happier with that. (For example: not all men are jerks and not all cats/dogs are nice... do you think there might be some kids that are okay?).

Here's a question too... Hate is a pretty strong word. Do you really hate children? or do you dislike them very strongly?

And I agree with the other poster... perhaps your mom could pray about learning to accept YOU the way you are.

Ingilbert, I am beyond positive that I hate kids--I can't stand them, find them repulsive, they tick me off with all the stuff they do, and even if a kid does something that everyone besides me thinks is cute, I want to get sick. I just think it's sick when people sit there and swoon over a baby crying or slobbering. So even if a kid is being so-called "nice," I find them annoying then. I honestly can say that to me, every kid has its own problem. My 10 year old cousin bothers the [censored] out of me and he's a so-called "good" kid. I don't know, being around them just makes me ticked off, annoyed, and uncomfortable.

Alexandra, yes, I dislike the thought of myself as a kid. Whenever my mom tells me that I had a temper when I was a kid, and she thinks it's cute, I think it's stupid and disgusting, and whenever she tells me how stubborn I was I call myself a brat. Honestly, when anyone ever says, "Well you were a kid," I say, "Yeah, unfortunately."

To say I don't hate kids and that I just dislike them means I would be lying and trying to make myself seem like a better person in someone else's eyes. I don't believe I should be living my life trying to please other people, you know?

Well, I'm glad all of you didn't get seriously ticked off at my post. You all seem to understand so well. Thanks for the replies!

When I was younger I couldn't stand kids either. I've mellowed with age in that I no longer have a knee-jerk negative reaction to them, but I still don't go out of my way to spend time with them or want any of my own.

That being said, no-one forced me to feel this way. Your mom's pleadings will likely send you in the opposite direction of her intention. Hopefully she'll figure this out and back off. Otherwise, it's up to you to be the grown-up and not get sucked into such a pointless argument with her.

I don't think it is cool to hate ANYTHING. I wonder how you can reconcile hating kids and calling yourself a Christian?

Hate and love are very over-used words. Maybe if they weren't so short and convenient to say, they'd be used less.

Elise

commoncents, I totally understand your way of thinking. To be quite honest, it doesn't make sense to me, a Christian hating kids. But here I am. Kids don't stop me from praying or trying to do good otherwise, they're my only weakness to hatred. I never catch myself having prejudice, but then there's kids. And, I agree with you, it isn't cool to hate anything. I feel, though, that since I've been this way even when I was a kid, there's not much help for it.

I guess the whole "if you hate kids you're not a Christian" thing is like how I always say it's hypocritical to eat meat and be a Christian. I'm not trying to start a whole new argument, just in my mind it seems that if you're Christian you should try your hardest to not kill and stay healthy(the whole your-body-is-your-temple thing). And yet, I know that that's very judgmental of me to say that, because everyone is different. Not everyone thinks eating meat is bad, sinful, or killing something, so I try to stay away from that way of thinking. I guess it all depends on a person's view of what a Christian really is. But honestly, I think that no matter a person's views or feelings or beliefs or faults, they can be a Christian if they try hard to be a good one and continue to serve God.

Elise (bonsai), they are over-used. Both of them, hate and love. (Hate is easier to say than dislike, isn't it?) I also think, though, that when saying them is the truth, you shouldn't lie. I don't know, just to me, lying isn't a very good thing to do. Of course, neither is hating kids, I'm not saying different. I have to be honest with you--I don't find myself WANTING to like kids. Maybe a strong dislike would be better than hatred, maybe I could pray for that. But then maybe that'd work against me?

Okay, well, thanks again for the replies. I like hearing what you guys have to say. I'm so glad I can talk to you guys about this and not just my mom!

TimsGirl, not that I am implying any form of crticism, but even amongst people who choose to remain child-free, this kind of emotional attitude to all children, across the board (including one's self) is rare... So I'm wondering if you have ever felt the need to investigate the strength and depth of your feelings, by talking to a psychologist to see where this lies, and how you can become comfortable with your own feelings?
As I said, whether you actively wish to rid yourself of the intensity of your feelings, or not, is entirely up to you. I just get the feeling there may be more here than meets the eye... And I just wish you a harmonious, comfortable and peaceful life....