BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Hi all, another newbie here

Hi all. I actually stumbled across this forum believe it or not.

As strong willed and self assured as I think I am, the decision not to have kids is probably the closest anything has come to tickling my regret nerve. And I've always wondered how other people in the same situation has dealt with it or at least thought about it. I don't have any close married friends/couples without kids to get any input from.

Though I've been pretty fortunate. I have never been needled by family or friends concerning not having kids. I'm one of four siblings and I have 5 nieces and nephews by those sibs. So childless only applies to me in my immediate family. As a matter of fact I'm the only one in my family from as far back as anyone can remember who has no kids. Now the only person who's ever made a comment to me about it was my older brother. About 20 years ago out of the blue he asked me why I did't want kids(he assumed at the time I didn't want any), and if I didn't want kids, then I was being selfish. He's my brother and I love him, but that was a rediculous thing to say(I'm thinking he may have had a cocktail or two at the time). I think the world of both my brothers and my sister, but I knew they did the same old drill- got married and had kids because it was the "thing" to do(for what it's worth, both brothers married twice, the older one divorced for the second time 5 years ago, my sister is still in her 20 year marriage). And most people with that mentality don't understand why family members or others in general don't go down the same path. Luckily(?)my family doesn't openly criticize one another. That probably helps prevent a lot of family arguments. Who knows. But I'm sure they've wondered why I chose not carry on the family name.

Oh well. I'm sure the wondering stopped many years ago anyway. I'll be 50 in March. My girlfriend(weird saying "girlfriend" when she's 47 herself)appears to really like kids but I don't believe she has the patience or disposition for any of her own. So, it's worked out ok for us(she's one of three sibs and has multiple nieces and nephews as well).

I think what's more puzzling to my family is how come she and I have been together for 25 years and we're not married. Though my dad(he and my mom have been married 51 years in Jan.) always jokes around and tells everyone that he thinks I'm the smartest one in the family:-)

Whoever started this site and this forum, I just want to say thanks. I've never posted messages like this anywhere. I've never felt the need to discuss these feelings, or to vent, or seek out any sort of psychological support, but I will admit finding this site and reading messages from those who think like I do is pretty comforting. In the back of my mind I've always kinda wondered whether there was something wrong with me for not wanting kids. But, I've easily dealt with it.

Nevertheless, thanks for being here.
Geoff

Welcome! My aunt and uncle sound similar to you and your girlfriend. They dated/lived together for about 20 years before getting married. They don't have kids. They don't even have pets. They don't have time for either. I often wonder if they regret not having children. My uncle (my dad's brother)has always doted on me and my sister. I think he's always taken a lot of pride in being our godfather. I don't know what his wife thinks ... I think she's always just been too busy. Plus, she's not very patient - so I think it's worked out for them.

I think we all think about "the road not taken," and I don't see why it's bad to have feelings of regret or wistfulness, as long as it's not harmful and debilitating for you. That's what I'm hoping anyway, as I'm still quite new with the idea of being child-free

Nice to hear your situation. Sounds like you just didn't fall into the normal pattern of having kids with your partner. Gives me hope because I do see myself at your age (I'm 26) and living in a "family of two" with my husband although thoughts of self-doubt can swirl in and nag me. Sometimes it happens when the Mom's group comes into my work because I do like kids...but then I see how rambunctious they get and the stinking mess they make and think I like them mostly when others have responsibilty for them!
See ya around and thanks for sharing.