BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids When you get old ...

I'm only 26, so right now this is something I shouldn't worry about, but I sometimes wonder ... if I don't have kids, who is going to take care of me when I get old? What started me thinking about this is my grandma died from cancer a year ago. For the last two years of her life, my mom and I did most of the driving, doctor's visits, emergency visits, etc. (She lived alone.) What would she have done without us (and my aunts?)

I have lots of parents. I am my mom and stepdad's only child, my dad and stepmom's second child, and then there are my two in-laws. Plus my aunt and uncle. I worry NOW about how I'm going to take care of all of them, since my sister with 2 kids probably won't be able to do much (besides, she has her own mom to worry about.)

I know I still have a long time to worry about my parents, let alone myself, but I do. If I don't have kids, who will take care of me? And if my husband dies first, will I be alone forever? It seems to me that wanting to have children for those reasons is incredibly selfish, but sometimes I think that I'd better have kids (that I don't want) solely to take care of me in my old age.

Sometimes I have these funny thoughts where I imagine myself a crazy old lady (I intend to be eccentric) living with my nephew.

Does anyone else worry about this?

I do sometimes. I'm still thinking about it but my current plan is to save $$ for retirement, get excellent long term care insurance, and maintain as good a relationship as possible with my best friend (we'll take care of each other if need be!) and my nieces.

This thread has been explored a lot, if you dig around in the older threads you'll find plenty of posts explaining why having kids to care for you in your old age is no guarantee they'll even be willing and able to take care of you. You're better off investing the money you would put into raising kids into retirement and insurance for long term care, as Emerald says. Heck, do that and you could have a very comfortable retirement, instead of worrying about whether your kids will have to interrupt their lives to care for you.

Cindy

I agree with you, Cindy. Plus I think that if that's one of the only reason some people are having kids these days, that's not a good thing and is very selfish. I am NOT calling anyone above selfish, I promise. These parents call us selfish because we don't want kids? Well what are their reasons for having them?

I agree with Cookiecody -- I've seen lots of old threads on this subject.

Personally, I'm working on saving for retirement and taking very good care of my health. Maybe I'll also take up skydiving in my golden years -- heh.

There are no guarantees that having a child will solve the taking care of me in old age problem. There are too many things that could go wrong along the way. What if your child dies before you? What if you and your child can't stand each other? What happens if your child just sticks you in some retirement home and never comes around? That happens all the time. I would say that those little old ladies that have those wonderful children who take such great care of them are BLESSED because that is not the way it is for everyone. And it is not a reason to have a child.

Great points. It's not something that makes me want to have a child, but it does make me wonder ...

Hi Ingilbert...I am 27 and an only child too. However, I do not have as many parents as you and have no step-siblings. So, I too worry alot about this fact. My parents and my husband are truely my best friends ever. I've always been very independent and live 9 hours away from my parents. It is when I moved away that I realized they would not always be here. So, like you said, if my parents and my husband die before me and I have no children, I will be all alone. This is a scary thought too. Especially if you become a sick, elderly person...hopefully not, but no one knows the future. I've given this soooo much thought. And every time, I conclude that it isn't right to have children for those reasons. I would not be a good parent...I am too tired when I get home from work to discipline my CAT, much less a KID!! So, as many of the posts prior to this one state...I guess the best thing is to invest in retirement and hope for the best.

I'm already thinking about this (I'll be 41 next week). My brother, who's 42 and a Miami-area attorney, and I have talked about moving to Asheville NC (with my husband and a couple of our close friends) and buying a big old house with lots of first-floor rooms and baths...live together, hire a nurse if we need it, etc. Perhaps we could get someone to live in on the second floor.

I love the mountains, and North Carolina winters aren't quite as tough as New Hampshire ones!

I read a great article awhile back about a a dozen or so retired professors from a college on the west coast who set up an elder co-housing thing for themselves. The only problem, it seems is inheritance rights...you buy a share in the co-housing scheme, and it works great, but what happens to your investment after your death?

Hubby and I are actually going down to Asheville (and Myrtle Beach) on vacation in a few weeks. I love real estate and I love scheming about it all, so this should be fun...even though it's AT LEAST 25 years off!

Elise

Elise... this isn't quite on topic but my husband and I live in Charlotte, NC - only 2 hours from Asheville, 4 hours from Myrtle Beach. We like it here a lot. The winters are MUCH better than up north. Your plan to move to Asheville sounds like fun. I hope you have a nice vacation in the Carolinas!