BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Moving on to a new relationship

After you have been abused, have you found it hard to move onto another intimate relationship? Did that relationship last or did it end because of your past?

I asked this question because I shocked myself. During a brief time when my abuser and I broke up, I dated a man who was 10 years older than me. I fell for him hard but I was scared that I was falling for the wrong reason and he wasn't ready to take on a relationship with someone who had a child. We stayed close friends for a long, long time. When I got away from my abuser in 2004, Chuck (my friend) took me to get the restraining order, helped me get money to get the bills caught up because the ex hid money from me and let bills go, watched the kids so I could go to school, and made sure we were fed. About a month after everything died down, Chuck sat me down and confessed to me that he was falling in love with me and loved the kids and wanted to try to start over. Here we are 2 years later and still going strong. I feel that he is my best friend and soul mate (flaky term I know LOL). I can talk to him about anything, literally, and I feel like I can trust him with my life and I have never felt that way before. He helps me deal with what happened to me in the past and has helped me get over it. In fact he is the one that pushed me to take on the job of writing for this section. Is this relationship a fluke? Has anyone else moved on to fall in love and trust someone again?

I haven't been able to date or have another intimate relationship. Although, eventually, I would love to start dating again. I'm just not ready yet.

The past always haunts. One has to drain the past to rebuild. I have been abused psychologically and left to die. but i survived. I am not thinking of any relationship because the past still haunts me after many years. I think that this issue is very individual. Some people can carry on very soon after a disaster, while others can never.

Or some people move on too quickly and either find themselves in another abusive situation or they break up because they can't move on yet. I think the reason why Chuck and I got together was because we had a history together. We dated for 5 months but stayed friends. So I think building that friendship and him seeing the abuse I was going through it what stregthened our relationship. This will be our 3rd Christmas together *smiles*

WHen moving on to a new relationship, when would you tell the person you are seeing about the abuse in your past?

I have recently left a very abusive relationship, one that i nearly lost my life. i am finding it very difficult to move forward. the thought of being with anyone repulses me. it has only been 4 months, and we are still going through the court system, which feels like forever. hopefully, one day, i will be able to move on, right now it doesnt seem possible.

when i left my childrens father for my girlfriend karen, i had so much of a trust issue, even till the day she passed away we fought over my insecurities, he took so much away from me, even though she loved me and i loved her she paid for what he did to me, i'll always have a trust issue and i'll always be jealous,

i'm having a real hard time with that question too. only a very few of my close friends know about what happend to me. it's very hard for me to talk about with them....not even sure how i would bring it up to a potentail relationship.

I am 5 years into a mostly healthy relationship after a string of abusive relationships beginning at 15-yrs-old. I believe I went from one to another the way I did because I never truly dealt with the first abusive relationship. I say mostly healthy about my current relationship because we have slipped into an abusive mode twice. From this, I have come to believe the healing is an on-going forever process. Does anyone else feel this way?