BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence What Point Does Verbal Abuse Become Verbal Abuse?

At what point does verbal abuse become verbal abuse? Is there any help for your partner when they have issues with aggression? My husband is not constantly verbally abusive to me. In fact, he's very loving and tries his best to overcome his rage issues.

They have decreased since we have been married (Sept. 28th, 2006) but every once in a while, they will come after a hard stressful day at work. And they come out of nowhere. It can be from him spilling something, someone accidentally hitting him with a cart at the grocery store, road errors caused by others, etc. He even got in a screaming match with a guy in the grocery store parking lot! I was so humiliated!!!

Sometimes when we go out, I pray that things will go smoothly so he does not lose his temper. I love my husband but I do not want to walk on eggshells in public just to avoid his anger being shown. He does attempt to control it but sometimes it just doesn't work.

We have no health insurance (he is contract work and I am presently unemployed--but vigoriously searching), so medication is not the answer at this time.

We are also trying to have children...but I don't know if he can get past the anger issues enough to have patience with our kids. But he is wonderful around children...just not me or strangers.

I am 29 and he is 36...neither of us are getting any younger. What are some ways to help control this rage? I see that he is trying but he struggles and it hurts me to see him that way. HELP!!!

~Mandi

Is he open about talking about his problem? Perhaps some counceling will do the trick. Or anger management

whoo scary,because at some point your children will not be strangers and women usually minimize,so its probaly worse then youve told us Your local mental health is billed by a sliding scale,and there are places to help w medication.If he doesnt go you go.it will cheap,and do you good to talk to someone.Its like walking on broken glass,isnt it?

I can relate to what your going thru my childrens father both physically and verbaly abused me for over 30yrs i still carry those scars today verbal abuse hurts the same as physical only the scars are inside and not visable with verbal abuse my children told me many times i dont know why im with you i know alot of better looking women then you well over the years i lost any self esteem i may of had, the only time it all stoped is when i put him out, hes been out of my life for over 13yrs but i still don't like my self, he took all that away from me

I can relate to what your going thru my childrens father both physically and verbaly abused me for over 30yrs i still carry those scars today verbal abuse hurts the same as physical only the scars are inside and not visable with verbal abuse my children father told me many times i dont know why im with you i know alot of better looking women then you well over the years i lost any self esteem i may of had, the only time it all stoped is when i put him out, hes been out of my life for over 13yrs but i still don't like my self, he took all that away from me

He knows his problem and is open to seeking an answer. Yes, it is a lot worse than it sounds but no physical abuse. He's not the type to do so. He's got so much rage and has been this way since his childhood. His mother suggested exercise or some type of workout, which he is doing every night.

I really think this new strand of rage is spurring from him thinking I am going to leave him. He's constantly watching who I am talking to, what I am doing, and always having nightmares that I'm leaving him. He has all these fears from past failed relationships (2 actually) where women have left him for other men. In fact, his wife of 7 years left him for another man. The girlfriend before her left him on their 7 year anniversary for another man. So, in turn, he thinks I will do the same. It's crazy but I have given him no reason to ever think I'd cheat. I am a loyal loving wife that always wants to help him.

I know most of the responses will be "leave him" but I know he is trying and I will not leave him until he quits trying. This has been a rough road from the beginning but I knew what I was taking on...and I do not give up easily. My self-esteem is not affected. This is not something that is a daily routine. However, it occurs enough to search for a resolution. I am looking for advice that will keep our marriage strong and help us in the future to stay together.

When I said "I do"...I really meant it. It took me 29 years to find my love and I do love him with all my heart. But I love myself as well. There has just got to be a way to co-exist. What do you all think?

ok,so try mental health and see what it cost,your local spouseabuse centers,what can they offer ? our local used to be good for groups for men ,too.you can call and be annoymous if you want.If you like church,some offer counseling for couples.I wouldnt tell you just to leave him,I dont know enuff and nobody else should tell you that either.Its your life.i dont understand how your self esteem is not affected,but I dont have all the degrees in the world,either.

ok,so try mental health and see what it cost,your local spouseabuse centers,what can they offer ? our local used to be good for groups for men ,too.you can call and be annoymous if you want.If you like church,some offer counseling for couples.I wouldnt tell you just to leave him,I dont know enuff and nobody else should tell you that either.Its your life.i dont understand how your self esteem is not affected,but I dont have all the degrees in the world,either.

i know it is hard to let go of someone you love. i recently had to leave a man for the similar reasons, although his verbal abuse escalated to physical and he almost killed me. he was suffering from bipolar disorder, and was not taking his meds, and refused to go to a counselor. if your husband will seek help, go for it, but if you fear for your life, and your childrens...go with your intuition. it is never wrong.

Be strong

and p.s., we all want to think they will change, but people don't change.