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My answer is still ... my bunnies don't do anything your kids haven't done (including poo on the floor)! Plus I can leave them alone all day and not get arrested!

One of my biggest concerns with my dearest friend (lives in London, UK - I've posted about her on other threads) is that she has bipolar/depression issues and is much better on meds. Well first, her bf (now husband) didn't like that she was on them, so she went off (I was mortified). Then he realized she was better ON them, so she went back on. Then with the preg. business, she went OFF (even though she lied and told me she was still on them). It's one of the things I really worry about in that I never hear from her anymore except every now and then (like months) I get an email apologizing and saying how busy she is and she'll try harder. I worry that she's overwhelmed and not telling anyone. They have his family and a ton of friends who are willing to help, but even so - the day to day care falls on her.

purple, I hope your husband is more enlightened and values YOUR health more than wanting something that would put you at risk. I will say, with my friend, she has wanted kids for as long as I've known her. But I know she's not getting much help from him in the daily care, and I'm sure he still expects her to take care of HIM too!

Thanks Tbunny... I think that's what is making me feel even worse about things of late... The time comes when we should start producing - and even though he isn't "sensitive" to the undercurrents of what his parents want I am... My meds don't make all my problems go away, I have good days and bad days - but now my "highs" are not out of range and my "Lows" aren't either... I have other "issues" with hubby at the moment - putting them into a letter of sorts as talking is really difficult...

purple, has he been with your through your highs and lows? I think that was the problem with my bff's husband -- he had never seen her mood swings/depression until she went off the meds. Then he realized how much she needed them. I think they have other issues, too, though, and it just makes me worried about how she's handling everything.

And don't forget that it's not just going off the meds that will impact your highs/lows... there are those preg. hormones that will come into play, too.

I don't mean to be the voice of gloom and doom, I just really, truly hope he puts your health first before any picture-perfect daydream about having a kid.

Because the people who would make good parents THINK about the decision, analyze the situation,consider the consequences, think about the practical issues, arrangements, downsides, etc. The people who would make bad parents don't; their bad parenting shows it.

Hi purple -

I have several pets - a dog and two sugar gliders. Sometimes I feel like I might as well have children! I love it though - you still have freedom! I eventually want to move to a farm and have a few horses.

I love animals. They don't talk back to you, they don't hate you, they don't go out until 2 in the morning ...

We went to look at a dog at the shelter today, but she was WAY too big. I have to keep my nephew and my future (niece? I want a niece :-) in mind. It was VERY sad - I felt so bad for all the dogs looking at me like they wanted me to take them home. A few of them looked at me like, "yeah, you're looking at me, but I know you have no intention to adopt me."

Sorry for getting off-topic there ... I love my animals!

Hi Ingilbert,
I totally agree with all of your points on why it might not be a good idea to have children. I have even more I'm thinking about now.

I remember about a month after I met my fiance, we were talking about kids and I told him I hated them. (Please don't think I'm evil!) Then, of course, realizing the situation I asked him if he wanted any. He had, and we had a little talk about it, and I told him basically, "If you want kids, I'm not your girl." I was so happy and relieved when he told me he'd much rather stay in love with me and build a life with me rather than have a bunch of kids. What I'm getting at here is that I talked with him about it and all was well afterwards. Have you tried talking to your husband about this? You could try, if you haven't already, listing off the points above to him and explaining each one. Maybe that'll make him think. It sure made Tim think after we had that discussion, and now he's happy to "give them back" to whoever has them. He also agrees with me a lot when I talk of child free things.

Maybe you could point out to your hubby that since he told you it was okay you didn't want kids, that he isn't adamant enough about having them? Also, you couldn't be more right about the teenagers. I am one (I am 18, my brother is 22). I have seen my peers, my brother, and even myself at all of our worsts in the teen era. My brother is still living at home, which is a good thing in his situation because of all of his problems, but is very stressful on my parents. I am going to college, have a job and my own business, and basically am a relief to them, but that doesn't mean I'm not stressful to them too, you know? I admit I can get teenagish at times because of certain things. The point of this is that you know if you have kids you're going to have to deal with it all. Seeing the way my brother and I have grown up and treated our parents, that's one extra reason not to breed or reproduce.

One last thing, I promise. Sugar gliders? Aww--they're cute. But just remember that animals are MUCH easier to take care of and like you said, they can't talk back and always love you. Horses are a great idea if you have the room and the money. My family has 6 and they're a joy. My fiance and I have two kits (cat kids), Thomas and Bridget, and they are my life. Tim and I call them our "son" and "daughter," but although I love these babies with all my heart, I KNOW I'd never be the same way with kids. Also it wouldn't be fair to Thomas and Bridget if I had kids--they'd get so jealous and mad at me. I don't want to do that to them. I have a sign in my room that says, "We had to get rid of the kid. The cat was allergic."

LOVE that quote!

That's why I like them so much! One thing to point out, which I've mentioned to my husband MANY times. One of my gliders has had a few major medical problems. He almost died twice. The first time was because he was refusing to eat protein and developed a deficiency, the second time he had an accumulation of bad bacteria. Both times he pulled through fine (neither was my fault, the vet was quick to point out - with those little guys they don't show any sign they are sick until it is almost too late.)

These illnesses resulted in emergency trips to the vet, follow-up visits, medication, etc. It was very expensive, but more than that, it was absolutely heart-wrenching for me. The guilt that I experienced was awful. The panic I feel if it seems like there is something wrong with them - unbearable.

I say to my husband - if I'm like this with a sugar glider, how would I be with kids? I know there's a difference between animals and your own child, but I can't help but think I would be under MORE stress with a child.

Oh, I meant to say that you have a real good idea, listing the points I've posted her to my husband and explaining them. I've always been too afraid to talk about the subject much, but I will give it a go the next time the subject comes up. Thanks!

Yep - that's me, too. I am absolutely neurotic over my rabbits, their health, their diet, etc. If I had a kid and acted this way, my kid would hate me and I'd be paying for therapy for years.