BellaOnline Forums Relationships Dating Do I still have a chance? Advice needed.

Hi all, newbie here.

I got a dilemma.

Last year I graduated from high school. During that year, I had a girl in one of my classes who was a year younger than me. (It was a split 11/12 ceramics class...) I was crazy about her the whole year, and I'm sure she liked me too. Now, I'm not usually a shy guy, I have no problems with talking to people I don't know, but every time I saw her I just froze up. Basically, I barely said 2 words to her the whole year. Now I regret it - big time.

I came across her on facebook.com - a profile-type site mainly used by students. I got the option to send her a message. I want to, but... I'm actually afraid.

Should I? Is there any chance in hell something might work out?

Your chances, regardless, are slim but if you do not send her a message or make an effort to contact her your chances are naught. In other words, you have nothing to loose by making an effort to contact her. While she may or may not have an interest in you, you certainly can assure yourself that, at this point in the game, she will not be making an effort to contact you. So my advice would be to take a chance and send her an email telling her how you feel. The worst she can say is nothing or she has no interest, but I would imagine that if she has or had any feeling toward you that you will get a kind response.

You might say something to the extent of:

(Her Name),

"Ran across your profile on facebook the other day. This is ????? from ceramics class. I have to admit that I thought and think that you are a really cool person. While I really regret being so shy around you this past year, I do not want to give up without a least making an effort to get to know you a little better. Anyways, I was hoping we might find a time to catch up and hang out sometime soon. Drop me a line and let me know your thoughts.

Hope all is well,


Your Name

Thanks for your reply, cunfusedtn.

I just messaged her. Your example was very helpful - I wrote something which turned out to be quite similar.

Now all I can do is wait and hope for the best - while expecting reality.

Thanks again.

Well she replied back, I got her MSN address and we've since chatted a few times on MSN. Now I'm again a bit unsure...

On one hand, she seems to be somewhat interested, she kept the conversations up, asked a few questions. On the other hand, I started all the conversations, and pretty much all of her questions have been the "what about you?" kind: I asked her something, she answered, then asked me the same thing...

I want to keep talking to her, but I don't want to seem pushy or obsessive... Should I keep messaging her (running out of ideas on how to start conversations out of the blue) or give it some time?

Don't expect things to happen over night. Relationships take time to develop. If you are too pushy she will write you off. My advice, though I know it is hard to do, is relax and don't contact her until you have something important to say. She obviously likes you somewhat because she messaged you back, but consider that she has no reason for falling for you based upon your prior history. Even after you meet and become closer friends, realize that her affection towards you will still take time. Your job now is to cultivate what little response you have attained into something more real. While I suggest small talk for a little while, don't let yourself get too caught up in the small talk and loose track of your end goal - friendship. Take it slow, contact her when you have something worthwhile to say, and when you contact her keep in mind that the small talk is your opportunity to make your move. In other words have a plan. Perhaps try to meet her at something she likes, a concert, a bar, etc. If she puts you off lay back, take it slow and keep trying. You have made the first move so don't let the momentum die and don't get ahead of yourself.

Thanks again for your advice, I'll try to relax for a bit