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over analysis, help ?????? #288366 01/19/07 03:16 AM
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cunfusedtn Offline OP
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I blieve I am in the midst of the beginning of a relationship with a female, yet I am a little concerned about the directions things are heading.

We have an emotional and intellectual bond that I have never had before in a relationship. When we are together we both are happy mutually enjoying each others company, yet our honesty may have given rise to the resurgence to an old ghost of my partners.

As it turns out my friend has just broken off a two year relationship and tells me that she does not want to be in a relationship at this time or maybe ever again; though she said if she were ever to be in a relationship that I am the type of person with which she would like to be.

Since her telling me her feelings, we have been out a few more times and have had a good time; yet now I believe I am hitting a road block.

It will be two weeks this weekend since we have last seen each other or gone on a date. While she did have plans for the previous weekend, she implied that she would be available this week everyday but Wednesday. Monday she told me to call Thursday and tonight she said she was to busy with something she had to do for work. So I suggested something tomorrow or this weekend and she said she would love to but starting tomorrow after her work(Friday)she had a job (for the next week - until next Saturday) house and child sitting. In other words she said she would not be able to go out for another week.

Am I over analyzing this situation? I have no reason not to believe her yet I feel as if I am somewhat being put off and led astray. As I do trust her and believing that trust ids a core facet to any relationship, am i wrong to worry about what has happened?

I do not want to loose this friendship or relationship but, at the same time, I do not want to go down a path that leads to sadness and nothingness.

I am totally mixed up as to what I should do. I want this to work, because what we have experienced is really rare, and worthy of cultivation.

Please help, I need advice and direction????? I may be over analyzing...





Re: over analysis, help ?????? [Re: cunfusedtn] #289045 01/23/07 06:21 PM
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Pam_Relationships Offline
Amoeba
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May I suggest you not ask her out. Call her as a friend to say "Hi!", but don't ask her out. If she keeps putting you off it may be because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

If she doesn't suggest going out to you, I think it's time to lengthen the time between your calls. Maybe even go out with other people now and then.

You can stay friends if you are able. But if it causes too much pain, you may decide to end the relationship. It seems it may be heading in that direction already.

I wish you the best, but give her room and yourself some also.

Re: over analysis, help ?????? [Re: Pam_Relationships] #289142 01/24/07 02:46 AM
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cunfusedtn Offline OP
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Thank you, I appreciate your advice.

I may be over analyzing. She has suggested us going out several times in the recent past but then when I call she has put me off. I guess I should do as you suggest and just chat with her as a friend.

As I have no reason not to believe that she is very honest, she may truly have been as busy as she says over these past weeks. Maybe it would be best if I asked her if she likes me and why or why not or if she has purposefully been putting me off?

For myself, nothing is more painful than uncertainness, and nothing would be worse than realizing she does not like me as a friend through the manner of her being passive.

As I said, and perhaps naively believe, she is honest and mature and I have no reason not to trust her; my uncertainty may be nothing more than the lack of confidence and trust I place in myself in this relationship situation. (Perhaps this is because this is my first intimate affair.) I may be making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I want to do everything in my means to give this relationship/friendship the possibility to succeed and grow.

Please help by keeping the advice and comment coming.

Many thanks....

Last edited by cunfusedtn; 01/24/07 02:50 AM.

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