BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships married man

Your article is tremendously interesting. I actually tell my friends about
>your detailed,understandable and rewardable documentation. I am impressed.
>Briefly, I need your advice on my current circumstances.I was in a severe
>abusive marriage which ended in 5 years. I have 2 children age 14 and 17. It
>was difficult to reconcile this marriage, not only abusive but he was also
>cheating. I did not want my children to grew up in in such a devastating
>atmosphere. It has been 13 years I am living alone with my children.
>At work I got involved with a married man who had no children.It simply
>started as friends.He gave
>me the confidence to trust him. I enjoy his friendship, he exercise alot of
>care towards me and my children.He gave me alot of expensive gifts, cards,
>call me on weekends. At the begining his wife was never home on weekends
>always out with a male friends.His wife will tell him to ask me out to
>dinner, movies, coffee, etc. But I always refused since he is a married man.
>Time went by he start telling me he loves me, he misses me, he continue
>calling me from his home even though his wife is around. At this time time I
>got used to his calls, I see him at work very frequently. Then one day after
>6 years of friedship he tole I cannot call you in the night because my wife
>is pregnant. At this time i realised I was in love with him.I missed his
>calls in the night.I was depressed
>in which I was taking anti-depressants for a year.
>Unfortunately, his wife had a miscarriage. We continue see each other at
>work, he calls me from his cell phone and on pay phone. I knew I should
>dissolve this unhealthy relationship, but was difficult.
>I felt trapped. Anytime I ask him about his relationship home, he completely
>ignored me. I knew I had to end it.How? was always my question. Now his wife
>is pregnant again, he told me" I cannot speak to you anymore because my wife
>wants me to have no communication with you". And guess what he does not talk
>to me anymore although we work for the same employer. How can a person be so
>cruel? I keep asking myself.I sometime wish we never work together. IT hurts
>me alot. I do not know how to deal with it. He does not answer his phone, he
>does not come to the office.
I desperately need your advice how to deal with this. I am
>getting anxiety attack especillay in the morning knowing I have to go to
>work where he is.
>Please advise.
>

The best way to deal with what has happened is for you to first accept that this relationship has ended. He has been completely unfair to both you and his wife. To you: he should never have approached you in a way other than strict professionalism. He knew he was married and nothing changes that except for death and divorce. Whatever arrangement he and his wife had with regards to her hanging out with her male friends was between the two of them. She has decided that he cannot have the type of lattitude with regards to being involved with you that he used to have and he has decided to respect her wishes for him to end things with you.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, but if he didn't shut things down with you, he could not be truthful with his wife, and she is his first priority and consideration. It would be far harder on you if he was continuing to lead you on, considering the feelings you've allowed yourself to develop for him.

You may be best helped by talking with a therapist. Also, you may want to consider finding a new job at another company. The change of scenery would probably do you good.

Yes, I certainly agree with the new job. And about seeing a therapist. Above all, you do not want to repeat your mistakes. And it could happen if you are on the rebound from this relationship. It seems like you are lonely and want companionship. Try getting involved with activities that have nothing to do with finding a man, or man/woman relationships. You may find that when you least expect "Mr. Right" to come along, there he'll be. But above all, start with friendship and don't get involved with another married man. I won't say it can't work out, but not often.

Thanks for the advice. I am trying so hard to put everthing in the back burner, but time to time everthing just flashes. Going ot terapist is expensive.Changing job is also difficult. I work for this company 22 years and it takes me five minutes to walk to work.I kept asking myself " Why men do this women?
I was married to my husband through arrange marriage.I never love him or does he gave me any reason to.Very abusive person.Now I fall in love with a married man, this man shows me alot ok kindness, warmth and compassion. I guess this was meant to happen.I am so confused, I am terrified to make any decisions thinking it will make my life worst. I need advice so I can have more confidence in myself.Hope I will receive meore emails.Thanks.

you write: "I kept asking myself " Why men do this women?"

Actually, the true question is "why do women allow men to do this to them?"