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Where is God? #284392 12/11/06 08:23 PM
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lost4 Offline OP
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My faith is being tested. I have always thought my faith was strong. I am not sure I can believe in a God that gives children to parents who abuse children but does not allow those who I know would be good parents to have children.
My story is as follows: I had a son 9 years ago. For the past 5 years, I have tried unsuccessfully to have another child. I have had 4 miscarriages. The first one was at 17 weeks, then at 8, and then another at 8. I have not been pregnant for 3 years and had come to terms with not having another child. I have even felt really happy the last year or so. Which is something I could not say for several years after my miscarriages. Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant and contacted my former RE. I was so suprised as I had only been off the pill 2 months and was changing my pill to seasonal so I would have fewer periods a year. There have been several years I actively tried and could not get pregnant. It never entered my mind that I could even get pregnant anymore. Regardless, my doctor put me on all kinds on medicine to try to help this be a successful pregnancy. Everything has been going well. I went in for my ultrasound Friday to find a blighted ovum. I could not and can not believe this would happen again after having to work so hard to get over losing the other 3 children I will never know.
I am also an educator. I teach children with learning disabilites and various other mild disorders. Today I sat in on a meeting with a mother who allowed her 3 year twin sons to live in a home where they were raped, abused, and neglected at the hands of her brother. They have just been returned to her after 3 years of being wards of the state. Her daughter was also raped and had to live in a Home for children while her mother pursued her life of men, drugs, and admitted illegal activities.
What kind of God allows the innocent to be treated in such a way? I am a Sunday School teacher and regular attendee of my church but I am not sure I can ever go back. Where is this gracious, loving, heavenly father I have spent the last 35 years worshiping???
I know. I know. Consider your blessings. I do that! I have been counting them for 5 years since learning how lucky I am to have a child! I know I am blessed to have my life considering how others in the world have to live. But why this and why now?? I can't understand it and I am angry.

Re: Where is God? #284393 12/12/06 09:10 AM
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Alexandra Offline
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As a Buddhist, I am not the most appropriate person to be answering your question.
Please know,in any case, that you are in my thoughts, and that I am sending you Metta (Unconditional Love and Compassion) for comfort and solace.

If you cannot gain a personal response from your God, seek him then in the Love and Compassion of those around you...

Re: Where is God? #284394 12/12/06 10:25 AM
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"Rosie" Offline
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i also have questioned GOD my 13yr old son was killed, and my first full term baby girl lived for only 3hours after birth, i ask so often why, but then i notice im talking to god more which brings me closer to him, yes i do get angry and dont understand. some time i ask where was GOD,


Rosie L
Re: Where is God? #284395 12/12/06 10:41 PM
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My heart goes out to you and you are in my thoughts...
Like you I have a child, my daughter is 6, 7 in March. We never tried for another child until she was 5...I then found out i was diabetic and baby plans were put on hold for a few months. We started planning again September last year and got pregnant relatively quickly. I found out I was pregnant January 2006 (the day after my birthday) I had a missed miscarriage at 18weeks in April. I had a terrible experience and have not been able to find the will to try again, with the fear of experiencing the same thing again. I thought I was coping well, then recently my 22year old niece tild me she was pregnant, now she's an immature very selfish 22 year old, not ready for motherhood (I hope that she changes over the next few months), I got so angry with her and I suppose envious...then guilty for my negative feelings...I'm her dear aunty, have always been there for her but yet on this occasion can't even look her in the eye, share her excitement or bear to be in the same room as her.

I have got angry at this situation of her immaturity which is nothing compared to the situations of child abuse that you have discussed...I totally agree with you...how can it be justified...how can children be exposed to such a 'life' when there are willing and loving people who long to be loving parents. Like you I am grateful for the gift of motherhood and pray for my daughters health and well being everyday, but sometimes can't help but question why (then I feel guilty for asking why!!!) My baby is burried at a children's cemetery and at my weekend visit my baby had a new friend burried next to him. A boy of 15 who died of a heart attack while playing football...Why??? How can this be answered...or ever justified??? How??? How can abuse be allowed??? How can madmen be allowed to enter school under siege??? How does the God almighty allow such things to happen??? Why??? I'm as confused as you!! But still need to believe...
so God bless...my prayers are with you. x-x-x

Re: Where is God? [Re: lost4] #287897 01/15/07 09:02 PM
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I"ve asked tthe same question myself several times. I myself has went thru 2 miscarriages and another back in 2000. And then my son was molested at age 3 but an 18yo family member. I knew that the holidays would be horrible for me. But sees fit for me to have 3 diff misacaraiges and gives the woman who served 8 months in jaila nd is now aregistered sex offender a daughter.


ty tricia
Re: Where is God? [Re: wannabemexicana] #311122 05/03/07 09:55 PM
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Not easy... to live for God and dont understand what he does or why he does it! Always keep in mind God's thoughts are way higher than ours.... And like you said that is how our faith is tested, the strognest you are in the lord the bigest the test you will have! Always remember a believer's life is not easy but worthit!
my name is joana i am 20 yrs orl had cancer last year and did 2 month of radiation this year since the cancer was found again and had to do a second surgery. I was born and raised in church had 3 different ministries at the age of 19 before i had to start treatments. The doctor said because of the cancer i cant plan on having kids for 5 years after the cancer is gone, and after those 5 yrs i would have to be really carefull if i wanted to have kids! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? i said! if i wanted to have kids? thats one of my biggest dreams...
All i want to tell u with this sweetie is that i would give anything to be able to have a kid, just one is fine!
And even though is hard i am trying to put my feet back on track and leave my life on God's hands!
I wish you the best, God Bless YOU!

Re: Where is God? [Re: joanak86] #312613 05/11/07 01:50 AM
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I understand the frustration. I also suffered a miscarriage almost a year ago. I was so angry at everything and everyone. I asked the same questions of "How could God let people have children who end up getting abused and they pop kids out one right after the other and some people lose babies or can't have one, and they would be great parents?" The only thought that made me feel better, which a lot of people would probably disagree with is that God has nothing to do with it. He made it to where we can conceive, but things go wrong in nature. I think he allows whatever is going to happen just happen. And for the people who can pop out babies and do abuse them, it's a choice they make and they will suffer the consequences. I had to look at it as God doesn't pick and choose who will have babies. He made it to where women are supposed to be able to conceive and things in nature and our environment take ahold and can make the process difficult. I believe in divine intervention, but I don't put my entire trust in it or try to expect it to happen with me. I feel as if I would set myself up for dissapointment. I love my God and still believe in him, I just feel like he puts us on earth to live our lives and we make all of our own choices and that he doesn't interfere very much with our earthly lives. It really has helped me to look at it that way. I don't believe in him any less, I probably do more and have a better relationship with him. It helps me to get through it to think he didn't turn his back on me, but that things just happen in life. I think this life is an adventure and a test, and as long as we keep faith, even though it is questioned and we are unsure about a lot of things, it will be okay in the end.


Moderated by  Christine - Miscarriage 

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