BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Newbie saying hello

I'm new to the forum and just wanted to say hello.

A few months ago, while discussing life plans (dum dum dum), my husband (married 5 years; "living in sin" 4 years before that) revealed that he doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of being a parent. I had always wanted a child, so I was little sad, but I really wasn't surprised. Neither of us is exactly young, so the longer we didn't have children, the less likely it became.

And in some weird ways I found myself relieved. For no particular reason -- I simply found myself relieved that there was one fewer worry hanging over our heads. Maybe the fact that I always knew that hubby was on the fence about kids made it easier -- I dunno. But after the initial sadness of the reality, my world didn't fall apart like I would have expected. I like my life (when it's not stressed and crazy, of course), I love my husband, and I love our relationship. And it's quite a relief to find myself feeling not only accepting of his feelings but happy to venture into this childfree life of ours together.

It's really nice to find a community of people who understand our decision. Nice to meet you!

Welcome. Glad that you found us here. It's nice that your husband could be honest with you about his "true" feelings. Sounds like your childfree decision will be a good fit for your relationship!!!!!

Welcome!!!
I am 35 and planning our retirement now.
We have 2 dogs/1 cat and no kids...
I am really looking forward to retiring and I am planning to sock $$ away today for tomorrow...

But, I am also living for today, it is a tough balance to live now and plan for later, but not having to worry about kids helps alot!

I know plenty of childed families that are up to their eyeballs in debt to ensure that the kids get everything they "need" or want, and obviously are NOT putting anything away for retirement! Good thing they had kids to take care of them in their old age!!! <----tongue firmly in cheek!

Cindy

Cookiecody: I have a friend that started a college fund for her 2 year old. Alot of financial experts advise parents (especially older parents) to not put aside money for a child's education, but instead focus on funding their retirement. Their point is that a child can always get loans, scholarships and grants to make it through college, but there are no such safety nets for retirement.

This friend was listening to Suzie Orman sp (?) give this advice to a caller and she started calling her stupid, insenstive and alot of negative names for advocating that parents save for retirement instead of college for their young ones.

This friend, who is 47 with a 2 year old has virtually nothing saved for retirement. I just shook my head and thought, "you won't be retiring any time soon, if ever."

Wow... Suze Orman is pretty hard-boiled. I bet she ripped that ignorant caller a new one!

There are "catch up" provisions in lots of 401(k) plans, etc., for people in their 50s who didn't get with the program soon enough, but yeah --- not a great idea to wait until 47! (Also, sounds like your friend won't be in any better shape to save in her 50s than she is now)...

Commoncents:

Maybe your friend is counting on her child to take care of her in her older years! Hope he's up to the task!

Cindy

Bonsai: I don't think her situation will change much in her 50's so that she'll be able to contribute to her 401K. In fact, as her child gets older and the expenses become larger, I don't think she will be in a position to save much at all.

Cookiecody: She is definitely banking on her child taking care of her and she told me that one of the reasons she wanted a child was because she ran into a couple of women who were up in age and they did not have children and she did not want that to happen to her.

A very belated thank you!