BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "You'll be next" and other sentiments.

I've been inundated with baby showers recently and if I hear one more time "You'll be next" I am going to scream! How come nobody ever says that to people at funerals? I wonder how these so-called well wishers would feel if someone told them that at a funeral...or any other place where they were happy they were not "members." Hmmmmm...leaves a lot to be desired.

hi! i know how you feel. i've only been to two baby showers so far(lucky me!) but i have to say that i felt very self concious at each one. luckily nobody told me i would be next but i can only imagine how you felt. i really can't ans. why people are like that.it's like they want you to join some sort"of parent club" and if you dont' want to then there must be something wrong. i feel for you i really do. i have a few friends that i expect will be having kids within the next few years and one of the things i'm really not looking forward to is the baby shower. i think it's more uncomfortable for me as my friends having kids b/c you're just surrounded by a whole bunch of people and there seems no escape! i dont' know how you have chosen to handle it but i'm at the point now if people do ask about kids i just say as little as possible and either change the subj. or walk away. at this point in my life(i'm in my mid-thirties)i just dont' have the energy or the patience for people like that.

hang in there and i really hope that isn't anymore baby showers for you for a long time!

indigo

Yeah, it seems like it's raining babies these days...I expect I'll be getting an invite for another baby shower soon, as a friend of mine is due at the end of February. I don't like contrived forced parties anyway (I didn't have a bachelorette party before I got married) and baby showers, with the "guess how big her waist is" and other silly games, just drive me insane. Plus watching people open breast pumps and the like just isn't a good time. AND, you can't have any alcohol!

So far I've been pretty lucky in that I haven't been bingoed with "you'll be next". The people that are close to me know how I feel so don't bug me about it. When I tell people that I don't know very well, they seem somewhat surprised, but generally don't pursue it. I have a forceful personality and when I say something, it sounds like I really mean it (which I do). Most of the women who've asked me about this don't seem to have the gumption to really push me on it. Maybe I just live in an area of weak-willed women!

I did have a boss, who in a staff meeting at the beginning of the year, said, "And what's on Jocelyn's agenda? Having a baby?" Which was of course totally inappropriate. I don't remember what I said, but I basically shrugged it off. I still see him occasionally and he always asks me about it and I always tell him we're not having any. I suppose a lot of people would just quit seeing him, but aside from being pretty old-school about the baby thing, he is actually a good mentor for me and gave me a lot of great learning opportunities while I worked for him. So I'm willing to overlook this little annoyance.

them: "You'll be next"
me: "no thank you!"

boss: "having a baby?"
me: "no, that's a sexist question, please don't make that kind of comment anymore."

After all, you don't see many bosses asking male employees if they're having a baby!

My reply to "You'll be next." is "God, I hope not!"

If asked to elaborate, I smile, shrug and tell them it's just not my thing.

I also notice that men get far less [email]cr@p[/email] about not wanting to parent children. The downside is many also don't feel that the decision is theirs to make and encourage woman to pull an "oops!"

Excellent response!
I guess "I'm not that stupid" or "Are you nuts??" might be taken the wrong way. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

my response to people who ask me whether my partner and I are going to have kids is along the lines of :

"At my age? Are you kidding? And be seventy when they're 20? No way!"

I used to say
"I'm sticking to breeding chipmunks".....
When aked why, I would reply,
"They stay small and cute, and it's legal to sell them....!"

My response is usually something along the lines of our kids have fur, and I don't get arrested for leaving them home alone in a cage.