BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Ever worry about being alone

Hey Skyhaven,

I don't know where in Mass. you are (looking at your profile), but you should come join the childfree Meetup I organize if you're in Northeastern or North Central Mass!

I'm elise DOT m2 AT gmail DOT com if you'd like to chat more

Elise

I guess you somewhat prove the point. I read in another post that you raised your own 4 children and your grandson and yet you are afraid of being lonely. So having children does not guarantee that one will not be afraid of being lonely or alone which is pretty much the same fear, if you think about it.

bonsai: even though i have adult kids is it just forpeople with no kids? i live in lawrence mass what part of new hampshire r u from i believe my personal email address is posted in my profil, mail me any time thanks for inviting me

"Ever worry about being alone?"

Gee, I thought that was the point! <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" />

I value peace and quiet way too much to mess it up with a bunch of other people...tsk tsk tsk. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Anyway...some people just feel lonely, no matter who's around. My mom has me (in the same city) and my sister (living with her) and she is still lonely. (This is with us all having a good family relationship with each other.) In contrast, Dad hasn't lived with or visited any of us in a long time, and he never seems to get lonely.

So, even if you had kids, and even if it turned out well, you still might be lonely!

I think that one of the best cures for loneliness is a best friend or a sibling you are very close to.

One of the best cures for loneliness, for me personally, is feeling that I am a part of something bigger than just my little life. Volunteer work gives me that feeling; so do events like the yearly International Festival in my city, and the yearly state fair (Indiana, if anyone's interested). I especially get that feeling with city-wide events...for instance, Indianapolis has the yearly Circle of Lights event, and being there for that really gave me a feeling of kinship with everyone...I feel a similar way during local parades and other events. I don't even need to talk to anyone...just knowing I am a part of something bigger really keeps me from feeling alone.

There are many other ways of preventing loneliness, depending on what you like. You could join a club or class based on one of your hobbies; for instance, my best friend's mother volunteered to teach crocheting classes. You may find solace in spirituality. Churches/temples of many different faiths are wonderful places to find support and friendship. (The time I witnessed the ceremony of the Tibetan Buddhist sand mandala was another one of those part-of-something-bigger moments, for me.) And of course, there's the internet, where you can always find someone to share your feelings and words with.

Hope this helps...

i think having children just to make the family more funny and make you feel happiness,it has no relation with loneliness,right?

My favorite aunt, in her late-sixties, has one son - she lives alone and has been a widow for going on 14 years now. For a while her son lived with her (in his 40's - no job, worthless p.o.s.) but eventually moved out. He doesn't visit, rarely calls. She keeps herself busy teaching painting to seniors at the local community center, working on her own art work and staying in touch with family. She's not lonely, which is good, because her kid certainly doesn't seem concerned with making sure his mother is occupied or happy.

Children don't guarantee a full, rich life. Volunteer at some geriatric homes and take note of all the people with children who rarely, or in heartbreakingly several cases never, visit their parents. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen. These poor people thought their kids would always be there for them, after all, look at the sacrifices they made for the kids. Surely they can pull themselves away from their busy life to visit once a week. You'd think so, anyway <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, I can't agree with you there...
I live a 12 hour drive away from my mother and I have no intention of living closer to her. I talk to her on the phone once per week for approx 1 hour. We visit her in person for 1 day every 2 years.
Sorry, but even when I lived only an hour's drive from her, I only visited once every 2 months or so... I have a job and a life of my own. She's not a bad person or anything, but I have NOTHING in common with her. And sorry, if she was not my mother she is not even the kind of person that I would find interesting and want to hang out with, (and she probably would not find be interesting either we are that different). Most of our "talks" consist of her talking AT me... I just say "uh huh" sometimes and wait until she's done. Often she doesn't even finish up with a "and what's new with you"... usually it's just "well I guess that's all I have to say... I'll talk to you next week".
She's got her own life and her own friends.
Sorry but not everyone has a close relationship with their parents and not everyone is willing to give up large parts of their life to spend with their parents. Ultimately each person (old or young) has to be responsible for their own happiness.

I know u have your reasons to feel like u do and i hope no one here makes any judgment as to how u feel, my heart goes out to you and i wish u much happyness in your life, haveing a mother doesnt mean (she was there as a mother) any onecan be a mother, good luck in your life,

Thank you JMB. You could not have proved the point of this discussion any better. There is no guarantee that having children will prevent you from being lonely in old age. It is all about the relationship you have with your children.

I have a very close relationship with my mother, so I will never move terribly far away from her. I am a couple of hours away from her now and I think that is too far, but it works.

I'm in a similar situation to JMB...my parents are good people, I think they did a good job raising me...but we don't have very much in common (especially since I married a Republican <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" /> ). I was really scratching my head for Christmas this year because we're all going to be together and I needed to get gifts for everyone...I had no idea what to get them! Normally, when we're not there in person, we send a gift basket from Zingerman's and everyone is happy. But in person...my mom is a big believer in presents under the tree.

I'd feel worse about not knowing them very well except for the fact that my parents don't seem to find anything strange about us not talking a lot either. My mom has said that she thinks it's weird that some moms and their grown kids talk every day. Might not be everyone's ideal parent-child relationship but it works for us!