BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Really Disturbed...

with the judgmental posts I have read lately. Specifically that stay at home wives or mothers are all fat and lazy. There are plenty of people who go out to work in an office every day that could be described as such as well.

When I first came to this forum, I was impressed with the support and caring I saw here. It seemed there was genuine friendship and camaraderie. Now I am discouraged with the nasty comments and generally belligerent attitudes towards people who don't fit into a particular mold. Very sad that the tone of these boards has changed so much.

And before people jump on me that they have the right to speak their mind... you are absolutely correct. You do have the right to speak it... it's just that it seems these boards are a lot less friendly now and I would hesitate to post as freely as I had in the past. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Excuse me, but you are the one being rude. No one has used the words ALWAYS, ALL, NEVER...Those are words YOU have chosen to put in people's mouths. It is common sense, and we all know it here at Married No Kids, that these terms are not applicable to ALL PARENTS. I am not going to state this obvious disclaimer every single time I need to say something that pertains to SOME OF THE PARENTS out there, which may be perceived as negative, derogatory, rude, selfish, ugly, insensitive, childish, nasty, belligerent, angry or sad. And even if we do use one or more of those terms on rare occasions, it's probably anger or just an accident. WE KNOW NOT ALL PARENTS ARE DUMB.

And you're right, we DO have a right to state how we feel. And?

So do you, now say what you feel and get on with it. The world is sometimes (note: SOMETIMES) unfair and insensitive. If you feel hesitant to post freely, that is YOUR issue. Take up with it. Get over yourself already.

Conflict and disagreements are what make forums interesting. Just because we have indifferences doesn't mean we hate each other or don't respect others. That is your perception, and it is false.

Everyone expresses themselves differently, some prefer to use the term 'balls', for instance, instead of 'testicles' -what's the crime here? Stop being such a baby.

Fire

Freedom of speech absolves nobody from the responsibility of courtesy and civil politeness. Just because one enjoys the right to self expression, it doesn't mean one has a right to be impolite or uncivil. We all have a great responsibilty of care. Both for ourselves, and those we connect with.


No, PEOPLE are sometimes unfair and insensitive. Call a spade a shovel....


NO, lively active debate is what makes them interesting. Conflict and disagreements is what gave us every damned world war we've had.... If we expect Politicians to stop hurtling our countries into war, maybe we could start by refraining the kind of speech that would start them, here....



I have often said Perception is often deception. But it takes two to tango, Fire...



I have always had - and still have - enormous respect for both you and your opinion, Fire..... Don't be so prickly and antagonistic. You're better than this.

"it's just that it seems these boards are a lot less friendly now and I would hesitate to post as freely as I had in the past."

Orange,

I am so sorry you feel that way. Is there anything I have posted that bothered you? Feel free to private message me with any concerns. I recognize that while I try to be a gentle writer on these forums, sometimes I go off on bizarre and potentially hostile tangents. For this, you have my sincerest apologies.

I wish there was more I could do for you. Here's what I do about hostility: I either say something friendly to help dispel it, or I ignore the person who I feel is being hostile. Very unfortunately, we cannot change others, we can only really change ourselves...I have found it pays to focus on the positive and appreciate the people who DO show cameraderie and friendliness.

Believe me, I have been having problems in the workplace with this very issue. I found the more I pushed for the other person(s) to stop their behavior, the more of a waste of MY time and energy it became. The more that I became tolerant and focused on the positive, the problem subsided.

Given, these are pretty different situations, work and a message board. On the one hand message boards are supposed to be a place for free speech, and one shouldn't have to feel that free speech is threatened by others' rude actions. On the other hand, for many people it is much easier to ignore hostility on the internet as opposed to in "real life" situations.

Let me know if there is anything I can do. Feel free to PM me...I am free to talk anytime.

:hug:

It may not mean much, but I still try to make this a friendly forum... <img src="/images/graemlins/angel.gif" alt="" />

*sigh*...here we go:

Who has been uncivil, and in who's opinion? You're splitting hairs, dissecting and putting this under a microscope. Opinions, suggestions, perceptions and assumptions are all entirely too complicated and could be debated until the end of time with no resolve. And please, don't preach to me the responsibility of caring for others, it's what I do for a living and I'm da mn good at it.

When I said "the world", again, I think common sense should allow any reasonable person to know that I mean all the human beings on the planet Earth. Perhaps next time I'll break out the crayolas.

Lively, active debate: Now THERE'S a spinning description of the very same thing I said. It's evident you don't agree with anything in my post. But that's OK, I'm not mad. It's your right, wrong as though it may be :-D. I was not aware there were people here who made war-worthy statements, hmmm. Perhaps you could enlighten me who these culprits are? And I'm sorry, but which branch of the military did you serve in?


perceive: to gain knowledge of through one of the senses; discover by seeing, hearing etc.; (2) to apprehend with the mind, understand

deceive: to mislead by a false appearance or statement deception

I'm not sure which dictionary you're learning from, but these two words have completely different meanings. I couldn't begin to explain why you've always said one is in the other. And thanks but, I don't know how to tango, although I'd love to learn one day.


OK OK, perhaps I was being a bit antagonistic with this last statement. I take it back <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />. I was only trying to show the ridiculousness in being SO offended by different and benign descriptions such as the one I made, geez, such thin skin.

Fire

WOW.. I am COMPLETELY blown away by the anger I seem to have inspired but it certainly does support my disappointment with the boards. I won't get into` a back and forth word battle, but do feel I need to answer a few points that were brought up.


Didn't realize my observations and concerns were rude... if so, it was not intended that way. I didn't make it 'personal' by attacking a specific poster... just tried to make a comment on how I felt about the boards.

My post did not refer to 'parents' ONLY - my wording stated: 'stay at home wives or mothers'.


No 'and' required... the comment was self explanatory.

Absolutely, it is my issue... that is 'why' I posted on the boards. As for getting over myself, that is an unecessary and inflamatory statement.

I don't agree that conflicts and disagreements make forums interesting. I think exchanging ideas and thoughts in a constructive and supportive manner make them interesting. I also NEVER said anyone on these boards 'hate' or 'don't respect' each other. That is putting words in my mouth.

I agree everyone expresses themselves differently and there should be more tolerance for others' opinions instead of telling them to stop 'being a baby'.

To all the ladies who responded, thank you!

Fire - I have agreed with many of your posts in the past and was not personally attacking you. I will continue to enjoy your posts, but we will have to respectfully agree to disagree with each other on this point.

Alexandra - thanks for your input and comments, they are appreciated.

xantres - I also appreciate your comments and want to reassure you that you never said or did anything to cause concern.

Once more, my post was not meant to cause an uproar... I sincerely apologize if it did. I was only trying to communicate my feelings on how the boards seem to have changed.

I have had problems with what I thought was mean spiritied antagonism on the board. I think the big issue though is that we are all very different and have different opinions on everything. We all dont have/dont want/are unsure about kids but that may be the only similarity between us, we cant assume we will agree on other subjects. Im not saying anyone is assuming we will agree, just expressing my opionion.
Orange Monster: I dont think there is anything wrong with being a stay at home wife/mother if thats what you want. I just think that it is good to have a skill you can support yourself with in emergency situations, death, divorce etc. I would actually love to be a stay at home wife, and if I had kids I would definitely be a stay at home mom. I like my job but am not overly career driven and I dont apologize for it. Its just the main things that interstest me are my hobbies: dogs, kids, books. I certainly dont think that makes me lazy. Also someone who stays at home all day with several kids, as long as they are really taking care of them, may be many things but lazy aint one of them

If a SAH wife expressed her choice as "I want to make a wonderful home for my husband and me, as carefully and beautifully as I can", I respect that...although I'm still concerned for her future well-being in case the marriage goes sour.

If, on the other hand, she says "I don't want a job, and my hubby won't let me stay home without kids, so I guess I'll just have to have kids". There's *nothing* in that statement worth my respect. The marriage sounds like a joke to me...and those poor "by-product" kids. I thought I'd heard all the lamest reasons for becoming a parent, but this one's up near the top ...

Elise

I was a stay at home mom for my 4 children then i got custody of my grandson when he was born hes 22yrs old now and still liveing with me,so im still a stay at home grandma and loving it,i was a single mom and im a single grandma raiseing my kids the best i could can't we all just get along ;o) <img src="/images/graemlins/rolling.gif" alt="" />

Thanks ladies for these great responses! I totally agree with everything you've said!~