BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Lazy or Low Maintenance?

You don't sound lazy to me. You sound like you know yourself.

Also, this goes a bit off topic as it is about SAHM's, but consider this: At least three of my friends decided to have children because they "didn't like to work." Seriously. It totally blows my mind.

Here's what one of them said to me (she has an Associates Degree in Business and worked about a year as a bank teller): "I had to have kids because Kent (her husband) wouldn't let me just stay home unless I had kids. I just don't like to work."

Another said this: "It's all I really ever wanted to do. I don't know what I would do if I had to work."

The third said this: "I'm not a career woman. I'd rather have Dave (her husband) take care of me. I figured since I just wanted to stay home, I'd have kids to keep me occupied."

Needless to say, after they had kids I didn't have a lot in common with these women. They've become the most uninteresting people of my social circle and we grew apart almost immediately after they announced that they were pregnant.

Now, I'm not saying that having kids doesn't require work. It does...and it should. But staying at home with the kids day-in and day-out isn't the same as going out in the world every day to work. It just isn't. That's why I get sooo sick of the saying, "Every Mother is a Working Mother." Please. I'm not saying their lifestyle is "less valid" than mine...it's just completely different, and yes, I feel I work MUCH harder. And I DO see the ladies in the above examples as LAZY!!!

Sorry for getting off on a tangent...I'm venting.

doG help these ladies if their marriages ever end...no skills, *and* atrophied brains...that should really stand 'em in good stead in the job market.

Elise

Those ladies are in big trouble if they have to go back to work, but at least they have some idea what they want such as the one who said its all I ever wanted to do. I know one mom whou actually increased her hours after she had a kid becuase she hated being around the baby so much, and she wants to have another so she can have a sibling for him. But she says she cant stay around a baby all day. Then why did you have one?

As for the one who really wanted to be a mom, well, OK...guess I can understand (although it wouldn't hurt to have some experience/education just in case the father isn't around some day). As for the other two...having kids because they don't like to work?! So, you're too lazy to get out there and make a living for yourself, so you decide to mooch off the husband AND bring another person into the world for your amusement?

That is one thing that has always bothered me about some women--they can't/don't want to face the big bad world, so they default to the SAHM. It seems like a cop-out, and unfair to men--I bet some of them would like to opt out of the workforce too, but usually they can't play the baby card.

I don't know if what I do for a living is more work or harder than what a SAHM does...I think they work pretty hard, but it is more manual and repetitive. When I finish a project at work, it's on to the next thing. When you finish changing Bobby's diaper, it's only a matter of time before you have to do it all over again!

I am disappointed by how much women who do not work outside the home are seen as 'lazy'. None of us like to be judged for not having kids... why judge others for not having an outside the home job? (whether you have kids or not). I just find it interesting that if you don't have an 'official' job, you are lazy and sponging of your husband.

Well, these aren't the days of working the land and mothers needing to stay home and wash laundry by hand, cook HOME COOKED MEALS, then usher the kids out to help get chores done as soon as they get home from school.

'Moms' today have disposable diapers (lazy-bad for environment), plastic inserts for bottles so they don't have to wash the bottle! (lazy-bad for environment), most don't breast feed, and when they do, they use breast pumps so they can 'stock up' (lazy), they keep them in diapers until they're 7 years old (lazy), they use sippee cups (lazy-bad for environment), they use disposable bibs (lazy-bad for environment), they use jarred baby food (lazy), they use instant/frozen/canned food instead of cooking truly homemade, nutricious meals (lazy)...need I go on?

SAHM's ARE lazy these days. Just look at them: how many fat moms do you see these days? I do personal training on the side and MOST of my clients are STAY AT HOME MOMS. They're fat because they don't do all those things women used to do years ago. 40 plus years ago, SAHM's were something to be admired. It was a tremendous amount of work. Now-a-days, puh-lease, they practically want their husbands to wipe their but ts for Gods' sake, because they 'accomplished' the worlds greatest feat.

Poor men, if I were a man today, I'd get my balls whacked so fast it'd make your head spin!

Fire

What I don't think you understand is that a lot of these women will say, "I want to quit my job and become a SAHM because I don't want to work." and then later they whine because being a SAHM is soooooo hard and it is such hard WORK. Well....they didn't want to work. OOPS

Take a few steps into the future.....another baby later (an accident, of course)lets say 2 or 3 years down the line. Hubby is having an affair. What does she do now? She has lost a few years worth of skills in the job market and is completely dependent on her cheating hubby. Now she whines to her friends because she can't leave her hubby because after all she is JUST A SAHM.

This happens ALL THE TIME. I am a CPA and my firm hears this story almost EVERY YEAR.

Yeah that.
I feel that stay at home moms should at least work part time, to keep their working world skills/resumes up to date. Women who stay at home full time are being extremely short sighted and are taking a HUGE risk. And it doesn't have to be a divorce... what if hubby dies or is laid off and has a hard time getting a new job? (these scenarios also happen all the time) They have effectively put all of their eggs in one basket (as the old saying goes).
If the wife/mother has to go looking for a job and has not worked for a long time, or doesn't feel like working... they will be in for a rude awakening.
It is only common sense that EVERYONE should have marketable job skills and should be able/willing to support themselves. Relying on another person for your own financial wellbeing is not a smart thing to do.
I would encourage every woman to make sure that they are able to support themselves and/or their family if/when the going gets rough. Be proactive. Don't wait until it happens to you.
You know what else? Contributing SOME money to the family's bottom line will also help the family be ready for retirement or could buy a few extra luxuries... and it might help improve the self image of some women.

To: Lynn who started this thread - I don't think you are lazy either. You just know what your priorities are, and you know that you aren't interested in putting the effort into your own children. I don't think anyone should have issues with that. It's much better that you figured this out BEFORE you had kids.

jmb: so well put, I couldn't agree more. What a disaster for these women (especially ones with children), if they ever have to go to work in the outside world. It is viscious out there, with vultures just waiting to snag your job if you don't want it or can't perfom to peak, traffic jams, micro-managing bosses, never ending paperwork and...it is not easy making a living these days. And it's only getting harder and harder.

I feel sorry for kids today - litterally sorry for them. To compete in the job market is emotionally straining. They go to college for four years and wind up working at Starbucks and Cracker Barrel upon graduation. I know several who do, because their area of BA is flooded, or the starting pay is so low they just can't do it and make their student loans and support themselves simultaneously.

One of the only markets that is still wide open is the medical field. We've always been behind and not had enough nurses, doctors and medics. You're better off getting your 2 year Associate in nursing, paramedic, or radiology then you are going for a four-year. The pay is outstanding as well as the benefits and you can start work much quicker.

Oops...got off topic here...sooooorrrry

Fire

Hi Joz,

I am in Michigan too. Just curious as to where in MI (general area) you bought your house? Feel free to send me a private message if you feel comfortable answering my question. Thanks!

Lynn