BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Coerced pregnancy

I don't know how many of you subscribe to Health magazine...they have an advice columnist named Ali Domar and she answers readers' questions much like Dear Abby. So in the December issue, a woman writes in and says that while she and DH already have a beautiful 3 year old, there is pressure from him and the grandparents for them to have another. She's 39 and had a difficult first pregnancy and isn't so sure she wants to do it again. Ali replies and says that "In a recent survey, 29 percent of women questioned got pregnant because they felt coerced." Wow! I'd love to see that survey--how many women were questioned? What were their ages? Were they talking about a first or subsequent child? Maybe I can write in and see if they'll tell me where they got that figure.

Has anyone else heard this statistic?

BTW, Ali tells the lady to get some counseling, talk it over with DH...but in the end, the only reason to have a child is if *she wants* a child...which I thought was pretty good advice.

that is excellent advice. if you have a child because your family wants you to, then that's just asking for problems later. and with her age and previous pgcy experience, her family really should open their eyes. poor thing.

i've never heard that statistic though. weird. i do wonder where they got that info.

78% of statistics are made up........ <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alexandra's comment reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn*ed lies, and statistics."

Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

Exactly!

And I guess (in relation to the figures you quote in that survey) the other 71% of women got pregnant because they had sex....! <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am sure lots of people have kids for less than ideal reasons and becuase of pressure, but i agree with chipmunk. Statistics in articles and even in newspapers are rarely accurate. In college I worked briefly for a company that did over the phone surveys and mail away surveys on issues like that. Most people neglected to respond unless it was an issue that really spoke to them. So if the question is did you feel coerced into pregnancy, and you did you might be likely to respond to the survey. The same problem has been pointed out about a lot of other surveys having to do with pregnancy and kids even the famous Ann Lander survey in which people said htey regretted having kids. Statistics are a very tricky area, and need to be interpreted with caution.

I do just want to add I do think its horrible for a family to put pressure on this one women to have a kid. Its awful to put that pressure on anyone. It goes to show that family is rarely happy though. People in my family pressure me to hve kids but criticize my husbands cousin for having three, they say she is to young, she is 28. I think people should just keep quiet.

I agree that you can't always believe statistics. But, the person in the article is Alice Domar. I don't know if you know who that is, but she is a very reputible source. Look her up. She works with women using mind and body techniques for healing. She also works with women with infertility. She has done a lot of studys with women and pregnancy, infertility, etc.... She probably knows what she is talking about. I find that stat very interesting and it really doesn't surprise me that much at all. Family has a lot of influence on people.

I am not familiar with Alice Domar, but statistics can be improperly administered in such a way that their 'results' are often, at the very least questionable and obscured. I too approach them with extreme caution. If there is a stat I'm particularly interested in I will research it thoroughly, which takes a lot of time.

However, this one doesn't surprise me one bit. It's almost an obvious stat based on my personal experiences with friends and family regarding this same issue. Sort of like "...Statistics show that children are happier when their moms stay at home to raise them"...I mean, c'mon - DUH <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

I do not however like the word 'coerced'. Coersion is for the uneducated, young or weak. These are grown women with minds of their own. You have to be strong and stick to your guns, women cave in way to easily, especially when it comes to having children (?). My God, something so life changing like having a baby is going to be decided by people who will have no responsibility for it? Just does not compute with me, there's no excuse to cave in to such pressure - it's ridiculous. I've never had a problem telling relentless people to get bent. Guess I'm blessed that way.

Fire

Alice Domar was here doing a seminar at a local hospital and fertility clinic about a month ago and it was a BIG DEAL. It was advertised everywhere here. We have a highly reputible fertility clinic here for those people who have the big $$$ and want a kid reaaalllll bad. Anyway, enough of that [censored]. As for the word coersion. Maybe a better word would be co-dependent. I don't know. Those who can't think for themselves so they let others think for them. People like you and I don't need someone to make decisions for us. We can think for ourselves. That is the difference. Nobody is going to talk me into making a life changing decision that I don't want in my life. That is plain stupidity.

This may sound harsh to some people but I swear it is true. Being a CPA, I have come in contact with all kinds of people and seen and heard all kinds of stories. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST TOO STUPID TO LIVE. OH MY GOD! We CPA's have got some head turners.