BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Newbie intro and question

I'm the youngest of 6 and so far only 2 siblings have kids. My brother (37) and sister (36) will never have kids or get married. Another sister (26) and I (23) both got married at age 22, but she became pregnant shortly after her wedding. She now has a son (3) and wants one more child. My other brother (34) says he's done after just one son (5). And my last sister (25) will probably have kids eventually, she has a boyfriend she will most likely marry. So for now, I don't feel like anyone in my family would view me as immature for not having kids. Does it seem odd that at least 50% of my parents' offspring have no plans for children? (My husband and I cannot have children without in vitro, and I can think of a lot of things I'd rather spend $12,000 on than a baby!)

I know exactly what you mean! For years I felt that way - that my life was not taken seriously because I wasn't having children like everyone around me including all my cousins. I felt as if I was excluded from their "club."

But ya know, after almost nine years of marriage, their kids are in school, they've popped out a few more, and now I get comments from THEM about how envious they are of the vacations I take, or all of the other interests we can pursue since we're not tied down.

Part of it was changing MY attitude as well. I realized after a while that, even though I dislike children, I was feeling sorry for myself, but I had no reason to. I have a great life, and I can do so many things that parents only wish they could do. I'm not saying I'm superior, but that I have lots to be grateful for being childfree. I can talk about house projects, travel, charity functions, volunteer work, and I do NOT have to be ashamed or feel inferior because I choose not to have a kid.

Keep your chin up - if you present yourself to others as a responsible adult, pretty soon you'll notice that they'll treat you as you deserve. And if they don't, they can take a flying leap, right? <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Definitely -- I know it's as much about my attitude and how i project my fears upon everyone else than anything. But it's amazing how many things are triggering my insecurities. I was just at the OB/GYN today, which is always a good place for that...I tend to feel like a social outcast since half the waiting room is pregnant. My gyno is really cool and nice and non-judgmental, but I couldn't resist asking her how many of her patients don't want to have kids. She gently said that i was definitely in the minority, at least among women who are in a stable relationship, but that I'm also deifnitely not alone. Still, I left feeling like the outcast. I think I just have to get used to being different. I grew up in a very conforming, religious family, and even though they're supportive of me it's just tough going to family gatherings where the entire focus of the discourse is on the kids...hardly anyone even asks me what's up with me, how's work, how's life, etc. I play along and am certainly interested in the kids and love them, but after awhile I get bored and irritated and feel invisible.

Sigh...I think I'm just in an adjustment period! Thanks for listening! :-D

Thats great that your gyno was so supportive. I know it sucks to be in the minority and to have an unpopular opinion but remember its your decision no one elses. They would not like to be told they could not have kids, so they shouldnt tell you you should.