BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I'm REALLY tired of all this *DELETED*

I feel your pain bluemoonbeam... I really do. Unfortunately, I believe that this is what most people who decide not to have children go through. I've experienced it myself - even at CHURCH, no one wanted to get to know us because we did not have kids to play with their kids.

The good news is that this is mostly a phase. People grow out of this phase as their children grow up. (Just like joanj - she is 45 and her daughter is in college) I also have a girlfriend who I had not talked to in approx 10 years, but her kids are teens now, and she has time to be a girlfriend again. So, while it hurts right now, you may find that over time your friends come back... or if they don't... I suggest finding new friends who are past the childrearing stage. People whose children are grown up are often LOOKING for friends and new things to occupy their time.
Unfortunately, most parents of young children do not have the time (or don't make the time) for events which do not include children.

FYI - I would take care of a friend/relative's child for a few hours or for a weekend but ONLY age 5 and up (old enough to take somewhere and do fun stuff with) If they are not potty trained, don't even ask me to look after them for 1/2 an hour.

I can understand if couples with no children get frustrated by this. But you shouldn't blame the children or the parents. Things change, people come and go, and there are just those that are happy to have children and be with them most of the time (excluding those who're hacked with their work that they can't focus on their kids).

I guess from reading all these posts I really am the only one on this board who enjoys babies. I understand your frustration with friends being to focused on thier kids. A friend of mine at work, a mom, said today, unprompted by me, your kids should be an important part of your life, but they cant be your whole life. I like that philosophy. I do think there is some antagonsim from the childfree on this board towards those who are less anti-kid. I really dont understand the comment "Why would any of you choose to babysit, have children in your home, or take custody of them. I feel if some TRULY DOES NOT WANT CHILDREN they would do none of these things." Do you have to dislike children to decide not to have them? Cant you enjoy them but stil decide they are not for you? What if like many poeple you are just neutral about kids, my husband and me a lot of the time allthough I enjoy the little ones. Cant you decide not to have kids becuase you just dont have a strong urge or their are other things you would rather do? I think a lot of people drift into not having kids and to me that is every bit as legitimate a choice as being vhememtly opposed.

I personally do not like having small children in my home. Because it never fails, every single time they will destroy something. Does this mean that I hate children? No. I just don't feel comfortable with them in my home. Older kids I can handle better. The small ones. No way.

Naw, Tubby...you're not entirely alone.

I'm OK with infants (as long as they're other people's and just visiting). It's *toddlers* I can't stand! Whiny, selfish, sticky, smelly, and oh, yes, I forgot --- whiny! Kids from 4 - 7 get marginally more tolerable for me, and it gets easier for me from there. I've taught middle-school and high-school aged students, and I really enjoy it.

I see the antagonism, but I don't mind it...as long as it's more or less about venting. The childed can be myopic at times and it's nice to be able to let one's hair down sometimes.

I don't care if people "drift" into not having kids or if they're vehement about it...as long as they don't fall prey to being pressured into actually becoming parents, I don't care how they got there!!! In my experience, it's the ones who got pressured into parenting, and didn't think it through, who end up being the most insufferable, least CF-friendly parents (i.e., "This isn't as much fun as advertised, but maybe I can get other unsuspecting folks to join me, at least").

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The world would be a far better place if CF was the default and parenting was the "special case" --- a calling, more more or less. If it really is The Toughest Job in The World, as the parents so often say, should *such* a large proportion of us be doing it?

Elise

Well, I'm one of those uncommon types that has a child, but never wanted any more. (He's 19 now.) A good friend of mine, I'll call her M, and I used to get together every other weekend and go clubbing. She has a six yo daughter now, and I have seen M twice since she was born! She said that since she's had a kid, she needs to be at home with her "dolly," which is what she calls her daughter. Would it kill her to go out once a year!?

Ever since my son was a baby, I had a baby sitter and went out quite often. Maybe not every week, but often enough, and that has always been very important to me. Including the times when I used to go out with M!! That doesn't mean I'm better than her, but having a child didn't make me lose the urge to go out in public and socialize the way it does to some people, apparently.

Some parents feel that they should be with their children every second of free time that they have, I've heard them say it. I personally needed lots of breaks. <img src="/images/graemlins/rolling.gif" alt="" />

I really agree with bonsai. Its the expectation that everyone must have kids that drivs me nuts, or at least that everyone who likes kids must have them. I really love my students at my job and due to the severity of their disabilities even though they are teenagers their funcitoning level is that of an infant or very young toddler. My coworkers see the patience I have for my students and constantly question why I dont have kids. I dont understand the attitude of you enjoy kids you must go out and get one. Most of my friends with kids have that attitude too, they see that I like to babysit so they think I must want kids. Babysitting is only a few hours and parenthood is life, there is a world of difference. I just wish that there was more of an attitude that parenthood was a choice not an expecatation or a reflection of your personal worth and kindness.
I think lots of people, even the childfree, see two camps parents/kid lovers and the childfree/no kids. I dont even relaly like the term childfree because it does not apply to me. My life will never be free of kids because of my job as a teacher and the fact taht I enjoy kids in my personal life. I also would not use the lable childless to describe myself. I dont like labels and just say I dont have kids. I guess I see myself occupying a sort of middle ground between parents and the vehemently childfree. I know how hard kids are, and I dont want to be a parent, but I enjoy kids and want them in my life. I also know that with most annoying kids hte blame lays squarely on the parents. I know from teaching that kids that arent given any structure grow wild. I also know that toddlers will be toddlers and cant really controll their annoying behaviors, which is why Id rather spend a few hours with one then a few years.

My best friend has 3 kids and I don't think they ever slowed her down. as long as she was around, we always spent time without the kids. she moved about a lot for a few years, so I missed the all the icky stuff. We've been friends for over 20 years now. I'm definitely thankful for her. I never had to babysit, but she understands me. Kids are not my gig.

My sister has 5. I wish I could be around to help more. But I'd be more willing to keep the older ones company. Babies are like foreign objects to me. No idea what to do with them. Family has always been important on my side. Aunts and Uncles were always an important part of my life growing up, so I'd like to be important to my nieces and nephews. That's about as far as it goes thought. I think growing up I had 2 babysitting jobs and never got called back to either one. Oh well. My mom set it up not me. I used to watch the neighbors dog when they went out of town. That was fun. They don't whine or talk back when you tell them to do something.