BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Is it kids or how crazy parenthood has become?

Part of my reason for not having kids is that I can't imagine the neurotic mess I would be just putting them on the school bus. I get weird when I'm with my nieces and they are out of my sight for a split second. The oldest is 12 and thinks I'm certifiably insane.

Jan: You're absolutly right - NEVER let your kid out of sight for a second, there are some sick b astards out there just waiting and hoping you will. As a medic/ff for 8 years I have worked too many child rape/molestation/physical abuse (true physical abuse) calls.

Barb: You're also absolutly right, but that doesn't negate the fact that is exists and you MUST keep constant vigilance. It is irrelevent whether or not it has/n't been reported as well in the past, the fact is that it exists. I also concur with you about the media - they've wreaked havoc on the human race.

Bunny: My nieces are more scared of what I'll do to them if they stray then they are of being abducted!

Fire

Statistically, kids have a lot more to worry about regarding being sexually abused by Uncle Charlie or Coach Smith than they do about being snatched by a stranger. Worrying about the stranger is probably more comforting than worrying about Uncle Charlie or Coach Smith, though, so "the stranger" gets a lot more press.

The 24-hour news cycle constantly looking for ratings-rich "content" and the "if it bleeds, it leads" mentality of infotainment news is to blame. Violent crime is actually *down* is most parts of the USA over what it was a few decades back.

And here's the CF angle on it: the less-PC among us have posited that the availability of birth control and abortion has a lot to do with it; fewer unwanted pregnancies = fewer unwanted children = fewer poorly raised, under-priveledged childhoods = fewer potential future criminals.

Works for me.

Elise

bonsai: Kids have always been more likely to be abused by Uncle Chester, any other family member or a close freind of the family. Nothing new there. Still doesn't negate the fact that you MUST keep a watch on your kid, including with a 'trusted' family member or freind. If anything, makes it that much more necessary.

I believe in statistics wholeheartedly, and I believe, based on actual current personal experience, that violent crimes are down slightly. Sometimes however, it's hard to keep that in mind when I'm en route to a call regarding child abuse, murder, a shooting, a stabbing or an armed robbery victim. Crimes are rampant and unless you're directly involved in the everyday life of Public Safety, you'll never know most of it. Even with the media.

Fire

Well, you know that, and I know that, but it doesn't seem the majority of the general populace knows it...and the 11 o'clock local news, competing with CNN, is certainly never going to report it; it's so much less sensationalistic than the lurking boogeyman in the brush.



Well, alrighty, then!

Actually, I would be the first to agree that (at least with TV news), more is less...we had better knowledge of what went on, it seems, back when there was as lot less TV news on and people depended more on radio and print in addition to TV.

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(Woohoo, always glad to meet others who see 24/7 news as overwhelming and probably bad for the human race.)

The problem is that you can't literally watch a child all the time (and I think we're a bit off-topic of pug's original post but here goes). It is far more effective to educate the youth as to the proper way to deal with danger, how to use their sixth sense, to obey strictly your rules, and to make them a more aware individual. That way, if it IS Uncle Chester, they are still an alert, educated individual who can't be fooled.

Also, I wanted to talk about pug's entertainment comment but got too busy yesterday. Pug wrote:



In your example, I'm not sure the mom who plans playdates weeks in advance is not actually doing herself a favor so that she can schedule a life around her child, rather than what you perceive to be over-mothering.

It wasn't until I got older that I realized that many times my Mom sent me to some camp or music lessons, she may well have been seeking time for herself as well as giving me opportunities she never had. That knife cuts both ways...hehe

Overall I agree with you though. My mom would drop me at the library for the entire day and to this day I can never be bored as long as there is reading material of any kind nearby. Teach a child how to seek out entertainment on their own, and you are doing them a favor for their future.

One last comment, about vicariousness. I think many parents try to live vicariously through their children, and that many activities they schedule are ones they themselves wished they had done (or done well). It would be refreshing for a parent to find out what the child wants and to encourage them wherever that passion lies. Even if the passion is a sedentary video game, I'd get them a little computer building kit, computer mags....make it a broad interest and not just a limited viewpoint of what a hobby involves.

The mom I was mentioning who schedule the play dates has no life at all outside of the child. She often tells me that she cant even have a cup of coffee with a friend because of the kid. She wont go to movies or out with friends ever, even though she has a reliable baby sitter. Then she tell me that "she has a life" as if I dont. She also stays with the kid at all her after school activities.
I completely agree with Gecko about "it bleads it leads" mentality in news. Every single night on the news I hear the phrase "internet sex predator" half the time it isnt even followed by a story about an actual sex predator, just a story about the threat of sex predators. Also in response to fire and ice of course if you work in crime and law enforcement you will see many horrible and dangerous things and lots of abuse and crime. But it is your job to deal with these things, just because you see it every day does not mean the actual crime rates have increased, they may have or they may not have. I work with children with severe physical and cognitive disabilites. I see these kids everyday but I know that most kids are normal and healthy. Also even if the risk of danger is there is it really right to lock are kids up and keep them from going outside and playing with their friends or experiencing life. Is it right to raise them in fear? I just wonder if its worth it. It all reminds me of the myth of the apple in the razor blade on halloween. That story is a complete urban legend as are all the poison candy stories, yet this year none of my coworkers took thier kids trick or treating. The only time a child was poisoned by halloween candy was during an incident when parents poisoned the child by sprinkling drugs on the candy to make it look like a stranger had poisoned hte child. All of this makes me not want a child, not because Im necessarily afraid something will happen to the child, but because I dont want to raise a child in such a fear crazed world.

Also I did not mean to criticise what you are saying Fire and Ice I know it must be very difficult to see suffering kids. i have students who have been the victims of severe neglect and it is awful. I just think that sometimes when we let our fear overtake our though we might sometimes make foolish decisions.

She obviously thinks that living her own child's life vicariously IS having a life. lol

Actually, it's psychologically damaging to be that involved and not obey the natural rearing laws that demand the mother begin distancing at the proper age.

Not that I doubt her love for the child, but some forms of what we believe to be love are in fact selfish acts and not love at all. Alexandra could help me here with the Buddhist analysis but that is to what I refer. Love is not ownership nor overinvolvement.

It is also possible she's trying to live up to some ideal she somehow got ingrained in her head, or even believes her husband wants her to be that way. I truly feel bad for both individuals in that relationship.

I agree with the fear based living. It's an old saying, but we attract that which we project.

Gecko totally agree with you about the living vicariously through her kid. I dont mind that being her life, I mean its none of my business, but she often asks me and a coworker what we are doing for the weekend. When we say movies, coffee, whatever. She says "I used to do those things before i had a life." Which seems pretty rude. I also totally agree with you about the 24 hour news being unhealthy. So much news is just fluff and fear mongering anyway its not even real news. I watch the new york 1 minute where they sum up all the news in a minutes and its all I feel I need.