BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce NOW he wants me back...!?

Hi everyone. I'm fairly new to this board. I mostly stick to the family boards but I thought I'd drop in and tell you guys my recent story and see if anyone has any advice.
My husband left me back in march when I was 6 months pregnant for an old girlfriend. To make a long story short; it has been a real struggle since. He drained our bank acct and never gave me a penny to help me while I was still pregnant, or since our daughter has been born six months ago. I've pretty much lost everything; my home, my dogs, stability, good credit, and I almost lost my car to the repo men a month ago. He even tried to take my daughter from me. (The daughter he abandoned, as I see it) So anyway; our divorce stuff has been going on since the middle of April and still has yet to be final. A couple weeks ago he started being really nice to me. Over the last couple weeks it's progressed rapidly to walks in the park with our daughter, ect. (Still no financial support for her by the way) last wednesday he told me that he still loves me, and wants to be there for me and our daughter like a father should. He's still with his girlfriend, actually living with her in her parents house, whenever we ARE together and he gets a phone call from someone, he tells them he's with someone else. I know he's sneaking around to see me, which I find redicules and silly. I mean, we ARE still married for god's sakes, technically speaking; the other girl is still considered the "other woman" or concubine as I so lovingly call her. But anyway, I'm not saying I want anything to do with him. Quite frankly, I don't. I have too much resentment towards him built up over the last nine months. I could never trust him. But, there is that part of me that still loves him too and wishes that everything he is saying is true and does want to be a good husband and father..... Thanks for letting me get this out. I am afraid to talk to my friends and family about it because I know what they will say.... Thanks in advance!

Walk away, and continue with the Divorce.

The fact that he's being sneaky and dishonest (lying to others, still not supporting his child) means he has no intention of being honest and revealing his feelings or intentions, to others involved. This marks him as untrustworthy....How could YOU ever believe a single word he says to you, again?

Basically, he wants to have his cake AND eat it. The 'best'of both worlds.

The emotion you feel for him now, is not 'Love', it's 'Need'. Something within you has a need for a partner, and you're thinking, 'well, better the Devil I know'....

Don't confuse these feelings....For example,if you had, in the meantime, met someone who truly loves you, and is by your side, would you really still be contemplating going back to your ex-husband?

No, of course not.

Kick him to the kerb. Inspite of everything he's done to you, you're a survivor, and have made it thus far. Why hang the mill-stone around your neck again?
Tell him it's not going to happen.You don't want him back, because of everything he's done,and everything he's still doing. Why should you regress and go backwards?
See how his tune changes then.

Once someone reveals himself to you, BELIEVE IT!

Thanks for the response. You are very right. If he is still continuing to not support his daughter; and still living with his girlfriend, AND lying to everyone about where he's at when with me, ect. then why would I even think about letting him come back?!
I think that I do just want someone there...
Thanks!!
Aimee

Those are SUCH good words, he has revealed himself and this little thing he is doing now probably has something to do with getting the upper hand in the divorce or to help his conscience.

I would get an emergency order for child support, make sure you tell them that this man is living in his girlfriends parents home and he must have a little extra money because of that. If you go down and apply for welfare, they will go after him automatically to make him payback what they are giving you, its a quick and easy way to get him to take responsibility.

These little walks in the park, pretending to be Daddy are his way of manipulating you. If the man had an ounce of integrity, he would NEVER have betrayed you the way he has. Its one thing to not get along with your spouse, its another to abandon your child...

Me dear.... Leave him and don't look back. Move on with your life and as far as your little girl, I am sure he will have to pay alimony until she's 18.

Good luck and dont' take him back!

Pam
New York

I am testimony to the old adage that second chances do not work. I just got out or trying to rework my relationship with my ex. Needless to say, we fell back into the same hurtful patterns, the same animosity and the same problems that broke us up in the first place.

What is done is done, just leave the past where it should be.