BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Like kids but dont want them?

I am wondering if there is anyone here who really likes kids but has chosen not to have them. I teach special education students, high school age, with severe physicla and cognitive disabilites. Almost all of them are nonverbal and can communicate only with gestures and eye gaze. They are almost all in wheel chairs and one of them is deaf and blind as well as in a wheel chair and profoundly cogntiively disabled. Many of the sturedents who are mobile have serious behavioral issues: biting, scratching, hitting, etc. I really love my students and I adore working with them and seeing the progress they make, any progress is major so every little sucess excites me. An example of a major sucess is getting a student to look at you for a sustained period.
Its not as if Im not patient, or working with these kids would be impossible, I also have no problem dealing with bodily issues like diapers, or feeding, as I do both at work often with 18-21 year olds. I also enjoy spending time with kids who are normally funcitoning and I particularly like playing with babies. Despite this I have a hard time imagining having my own child. I know I would have to leave my job because I cant see working and also having time for a child, Id have no time for myself. I also worry about having to put the kid before all my own desires. At the same time though I have a hard time with the label childfree because I dont want a life free of kids (even though I know this isnt really the meaning of the term) I also have a hard time with people assuming I dont like kids because I dont necessarily want my own. Even one of my best friends, Im the godmother of his daughter, doesnt understand how I can like kids but be unsure about having them. Sorry this is so long.

Wow. First, anyone who can deal with the bodily functions of another human being has my undying amazement and respect. That is factor #1 for me not wanting to be a parent.

Before we made our final decision (after I turned 40), every time we said "for sure" we didn't want kids, I'd have this need to do volunteer in something that involved kids. This went on over a period of years. I finally realized that not wanting to have my own didn't mean I don't like kids. I certainly don't like the icky things (diapers, puke, etc) but in general, as long as they're not whining and crying, I am okay with them.

I'm like Tbunny, I like them fine as long as they're ambulatory, can communicate verbally and aren't smelly, sticky, whining or crying. There also has to be the option to give them back at a moment's notice. I hate being stuck with them for any length of time. All I do is count down the seconds till I'm free of them.

I have a dear friend who's an art teacher for middle school kids in an inner city district. She adores 'her' kids but absolutely doesn't want any of her own.

Seriously, that's some dedication right there, tub. I could never, not in a million years for any amount of money, do what you're doing.

I guess that is why I think I am wierd. If I can dowhat I do at work all day a kid should be a snap. I still ahve a lot of doubts though. I guess one thing that makes me different from most people who dont want kids is that I like babies and toddlers best

Not patient? Jeez, you are the *picture* of patience if you can work with the students you do.

As I think we discussed before, I'm a HS music teacher at a small private day/boarding school (only 120 students total --- 30 per grade). Mostly normal kids, but also a lot of somewhat squirrely kids who got the @#$% kicked out of them at regular public high schools (a few of them have their tuition --- $25K/year! --- paid by the local public school districts because the district couldn't guarantee the kid's safety after they'd been pummelled by bullies). We have a few kids with Aspberger's (highly-functioning austitic kids), too. The worst that ever happens to these kids at my school is that they're ignored by their classmates; bullying, hazing, violence, etc. are unheard of.

Our school is very arts-friendly, and turns out all kinds of grads, from ivy-league bound to kids who know they want to learn how to build guitars and go apprentice with a luthier straight out of HS. We have 5:1 student to faculty/staff ratio (which is why the kids don't even think about the bullying element). My largest class is 20 kids; most are well under 10. I'm sooooooooo spoiled.

I usually say "I love kids, but I'd never dream of having one installed in my home". It just wouldn't occur to me. I admire *good* parents, but look at them the way one might another species: a dolphin, or a hawk...amazing, and I might even envy them their abilities (briefly), but I can't really relate their lives.

Elise

I usually say "I love kids, but I'd never dream of having one installed in my home".
Elise [
/quote]

I like that. Honestly I cant imagine working with a room full of normally developing high school kids. I dont have much experience with older normally developing kids. I know how to deal with the behaviors (kicking, biting, screaming) of my kids but I dont really know how to deal wiht regular highschool kids. I also think I like my students becuase of their similarity to babies, although they are not babies, its older kids I have a harder time with. I once heard that teachers often dont have kids but Im not sure its true. Maybe its because we get a lot of our maternal instict fufilled at work. I know that between my students and my pets I use up lots of maternal instict. Also I have endless patience with my students but I loose my patience with other staff members if I feel they are disrespectful to my students or treat them in any way that is less then ideal. so really Im not the picture of patience, but thanks for the compliment.

I like my sister kids so much
i think i will have kids when i marriage.because they will
give me so much love.

I like kids too, but I don't want to bear any. I had full-time step-kids for several years (even for a while after their dad moved out) and the reasons that wasn't fine had nothing to do with the fact that they are kids or even their various emotional problems <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just don't want to have kids. I don't mind cleaning up after babies, it's just work that needs to be done, but I don't think they are fascinating or anything either. To me, kids aren't interesting until they start getting a strong personality and opinions. I really think kids deserve parents who like kids at all ages and stages and that is SO not me!

I love hanging out with my cousin's kids and I can't wait until I'm an aunt!

Julie

I enjoy being around well-behaved kids, but not in a care-taker role. The younger ones can be fun to watch and the older ones can be fun to interact with.

I don't even mind people talking about their children, as I like to learn about pretty much everything.

Every once in awhile, someone gets confused that I can both enjoy children and not want to have a child of my own.