BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Woman's beauty and men

I remember a conversation. The woman told that she was keeping herself beautiful at every cost. She was worried that if she did not look beautiful always, her husband would go to other women. I was shocked with this statement. Is this a rare instance?

How about some posts on Men: men's attitudes, men's insecurities, men's roles, men's influences....?

I know this is a woman's forum, but why do I get the impression from your posts that you think many issues are either kick-started, generated or engendered by women?

It takes two to tango, you know....
And people generally reflect what they receive....

Ok. Why do men who themselves have stopped looking handsome expect their wives to be beautiful at all ages? Why do men go to prostitutes? Do not they hate buying a body for some hours? Why are they not ashamed of their conduct? Why sex has become a commodity for men? They should hate themselves. But they do not. They boast about all their misdeeds.

....and now.....

we wait. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

why don't you also start some threads on the topic suggested by you? That would be great. I have observed that you normally do not start a thread. why so?

You asked a good question. I don't understand why men expect beauty at all cost, but I recently read two books, "For Women Only" and "For Men Only" that explains a bit about it. If you want to hear more about them, I reviewed them at: URL: http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art47166.asp

However, even though I don't think it's fair, it's a fact of life and it will take a long time to change these attitudes. I'm also very impressed with the Campaign for Real Beauty conducted by Dove. I've been reading material from their international study on this and it seems if we want to change people's attitude (men/husbands included) we need to start with our own attitudes (women/girls/mothers). I believe it is as much a self-esteem issue. I intend to write on the subject, but want to do more research.

However, back to your question about men turning to other women when their wives aren't as beautiful as they want, it does happen unfortunately. But, I personally think that a man who is prone to cheat, will cheat for any reason. In fact, I have known men who have had beautiful wives who have cheated. It's not just because of how a wife looks, sometimes that is just an excuse. I honestly believe there are some men who would cheat and blame it on the size of his wife's feet if he thought that was a good excuse.

So, what I'm saying is yes, it does happen. But it's not all because of a woman's looks. It's the man's moral fiber.

Your concluding sentence is quite powerful.

That in itself is a good question, I suppose....
maybe I am one of Life's observers, maybe....I love discussions, but I just like to sit back and see what stirs...
I haven't always been like this, though...
I used to be very very confrontational, and at times very aggressive. Traits that, although much improved (believe me!) I am still working on to dispel and dissipate...

My following of Buddhism has done much to transform me.

But that's a whole different topic.

Maybe I'll start a thread..... <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I used to be very very confrontational, and at times very aggressive. Traits that, although much improved (believe me!) I am still working on to dispel and dissipate...

please excuse me. But you are still very much so. I apologize if I am hurting you. Following Buddism itself has given you the ego, which you are supposed to obliterate by following it. This too shall pass away.

No so.
The ego existed before the Buddhism.
It is in Buddhism that I am working to make it pass away.
There is no Self. I am working to get my tiny, inefficient little Mind around that.

I am not hurt.

There is no 'Me' to hurt....

Buddhism teaches compassion. Why then your posts many times reveal hidden anger? To be compassionate is the first step. Have you arrived there?

No. But then again, I never claimed it to be so....I am merely saying I am striving to follow the Eightfold Path. I sometimes go astray, but then again, who doesn't....? I do however, practise Compassion. But I am not alone in this, either...

Being Buddhist does not make me perfect, you know, and I would never claim to be, either. I'm sure other Buddhists would say the same...Just like followers of any Religion, in fact.

Are you sure you haven't mistaken my frankness for anger? Believe me or not (as you wish - you have my word for it) I very, very rarely get angry. Where have I demonstrated anger?
Is it possible you might have mis-interpreted my intentions?

Just curious...

Do not think that I am taking the discussion in another direction. They are related.

When you write, you sound superior.
When you talk about Buddhism, you sound superior.
I remember my school mistress after reading many of your posts.

Sometimes we are not aware that instead of talking and teaching, we may gain more by learning From somebody else.
To immediately counter any statement is not a good habit. That shows lack of contemplation. Those who contemplate, think and answer.

I have been reading your posts and posts by few others with great interest. My teacher is making me do this. I know that. Why I do not know.

My failures in my life taught me onething- I may not have been right at all the times. I may have been wrong also. Fate did have a role to play, but my mistakes were great contributors.

In my inital years under my teacher, I used to get reminders of my mistakes. My mind used to go back and tell me how I went wrong. Now that phase is gone.

Request- Please be compassionate in your words. Sometimes sad people do not need teaching, but a shoulder to cry upon.

Sometimes those who are talking a lot and showing their knowledge are not informed but hide their complexes.

A human being has many facets. Because you are essentially a good human being, I wrote this. I would not have otherwise.

I respect you for tolearting my bad english. Thanks.

Ahhh, men. Ahhhhh, women. I was just discussing this very subject with some women that I know and we have all passed 50. Is it education? Is it money or is it just self esteem? Not a single one of us is the least bit concerned about our husbands straying to "more beautiful(I suggest this means YOUNGER) women..now do not misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that none of us think we have men who have not/will not/ or do not stray. I am Saying we are not threatened by the notion or the act.

Several of these women have had younger lovers(yawn I say)and have not confessed to the husband(although husbands are notorious confessors). Are we out of the mainstream? Maybe..Maybe we can take care of ourselves in all the ways that matter to us and a man is not necessarily neccessary to that equation...I have been married 39 years next week. I love the man and I like to have him around. But he is NOT the end all and be all to my existance...what do looks have to do with it...well, nothing that I can see.

You know.. I, myself, am one person who understands "to an extent" the necessities of a womans heart from the wonderful time I've had with my Aubrey. I dont fully realize these needs.. But the "beauty" aspect, I do understand.. Really. How can ANY girl feel beautiful when media makes their OWN beauty on a computer out of an already NATURALLY pretty woman. Just look at the Dove commercial.. Its very true..

However, onto my point.

You speak as though EVERY man has a complex that is only satisfied by the collection of notches on one's bed.. Or the numbers posted in a black notepad.. Can you really say this with truth in your heart? Do you know for certain every man's heart? Or do you see the Men with the minds of BOYS?

I've promised my life, my full life, and effort to one girl. I have never strayed from her, nor will I. The way I see it, she will be beautiful to me as long as we both share in the love that we've found and live out. Shes beautiful to me because of the way she makes me feel, so I guess it is kind of selfish in some aspects, because it makes me feel great too, but really.. Her apperance, is beautiful, her heart makes her gorgeous. I dont really know why guys feel like sex and beauty are the only things of worth in a girl, or that "worth" is even adaquate to speak of when talking about a girl. But I can guess its because they havent figured out that her heart accentuates her physical beauty.

ON to the matter I am concerned about. WHY do WOMEN not believe in the true words from MEN that truely love them? I do love Aubrey, with my full heart.. And shes beginning to see that shes truely beautiful, and its not me who makes her beautiful, i was just the catalyst for her to see it within herself, because shes never had anyone telling her this befor.

So, yes, it is common, to you the first poster.. But it is not without help.

And certainly not nessicarily healed by MEN. I do, however, say that we help, some of us.

Lovely post. Congratulations.

I'd rather it be taken to heart not considered "just talk" <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> If you will..

I like to better understand my girlfriend and at the same time help if I can.

You take care ok?

It was taken to heart.

Suppose, for a moment, all human beings were born sans sight. Without our vision, to see a woman's physical appearance, what then would we consider a woman's beauty? The tone of a voice, her particular touch, her individual scent, would these then determine a society's judgement as to who would be considered beautiful? Or, would a woman's actions, as a human being, play a far greater role, in that consideration?

As to men, and the whys of their straying ways...I feel it has more to do with the male ego. A man, who begins to feel less attractive, physically, or feels he is some how less than other men, perhaps one who is aging, or one who has self-doubts, and low self esteem, one who greatly needs to feel important, may stray merely in order to boost a flagging ego. His doing so has nothing to do with the woman who is his life partner. It has to do with something lacking within himself. If this is the case, and he feels his woman is not giving him what he needs, to feel worthy, as a man, he looks elsewhere. But, he will never find self worth in someone else. He must find it within himself.

Adamc gets my respect. But sadly, not all men are like you. On the contrary, there are so few of you these days.

My view of men may be a little cruel. When it comes to love, sex, and relationships, I think men have a hard time controlling themselves. correct me if I'm wrong, but men has a greater insatiable lust than women. women tend to be more reasonable. and so even if their husbands have grown white hair and all that, their sense of reason tells them that they've committed themselves to this marriage, surrendering body and soul and heart.

For men, however, well... they're not the one who gets pregnant, they're not the one who carries babies in their wombs for nine years. they're not the ones who hold virginity as sacred (well, not all women nowadays think like this). but, anyway, a woman's sacrifice is greater than a man's when entering into marriage.

Actually, my thoughts are bordering into a rather uncivil discussion. i'll stop here. i just hope you got what I was saying... or trying to say... lol...

No, we are not the ones who bear children.. We are not the ones who give birth.. No, I MYSELF, am neither of these.. But I am one who has been born, has an appreciation for what a mother goes through, I myself have had a father whos neglect and persicution has taught me to love greater than just the outside and faults. I know the difficulties a mother goes through, because I myself was raised by a single mother. Im not naive, i am not ignorant to a woman's struggle. I have the utmost respect for my mother. Therefor, when my wife bears a child, I will too, carry that with me. When she gives birth, I too will share in the moment and the struggle, I'll feel through her the pain that is being put onto her body and the strain on her soul. Also, I will love my child more than words can express, not forgetting my wife, however <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> "that happened to my eldest brother, so encompased by his child he neglected his wife.. different story.."

But you're wrong.. My virginity was saved for the woman I am with now. Because I am quite sure we're to be married. I had, all along, been afraid to g ive that to me, because my MOTHER had told me, once you give that away, its giving part of your SOUL to some one.. Thats big to me, of course I wouldnt throw it away. Its not just WOMEN or GIRLS that hold virginity close to them. Men and boys also hold these morals.. Some do, just as some girls do. Men may lust more, but women do as well, men endulge in these lusts, as do women. Do women not say "why should the boys have all the fun" ? And decide to have an affair? If you say no, this was my Aunt's reasoning behind leaving my uncle.

Now, Im not trying to prove anything, just show you that men, all men, are not selfish pigs. Those who have been raised well, and non conformed to current standards of males or people for that matter.. have selfless motives and wish to find love and happiness in another that they can put their all into.

Thanks for letting me get my feelings out <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I've needed a reason for a while.

You have presented a great way of experimenting. Congrats.

Like with most things in life, I suppose, it depends on the individual. As Pam Garlick concluded, it's down to the moral fibre of the man. Expanding on that, beauty is never merely skin deep, it encompasses all aspects of your person which is why you may sometimes meet someone who physically breathtaking yet after spending time with them, that beauty diminishes because there is no character,depth to back it up. On the other hand, you may meet someone who has no such physical attributes but the sheer strength of his/her personality makes them more attractive the more you know. In a nutshell, if you are shallow skin-deep beauty is good enough for you. If you ned more than that, you will find the beauty within.

This is for intelligent men. Most of them are driven by animal instincts. This is unfortunately true.

Roni,

True wisdom has been written here. This is why my friends and lovers are always older than I...I admire your self assurance and I continue to work toward truly embracing such a liberating approach.

There is an sexual instict in both humans and animals. If you watch a Peacock, he dances and displays his feathers to entice the hen. This is nature's way of survival of species. MEn and women both have this. Many women are equally attracted to handsome looking men.

cdmohatta
I�m not sure beauty for women and using cosmetic is just for preserve their husband. I guess women in common (this sense is more powerful in them than men) love other attention, some times not just for men I think.



pam
I read this sentence several times. As cdohatta mentioned, �this is so powerful�.



Roni
this�s another side of coin.

women and men are all human, with some differences I think, the women view about father brother and son aren�t as same as for Husband, why?