BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Let's turn the tables

I'm a bit annoyed at having to dissect and explain my and other CF's lifestyle of choosing not to have children. So, since we're under perpetual criticism and questioning, why not turn the tables?

Apparently, we've many childed and undecided people who visit/loiter/contribute to this forum. So to these people I ask: Give us 10 reasons why you bore/want/are considering [having] a child? And please, children do not know how to give unconditional love because they haven't been taught yet. That comes later on into adult-hood, if you're lucky.

Looking forward to some responses. And I am not trying to be ugly, just real. I have never seen a list for this like I have for the CF. Of course, I don't visit childed boards either <img src="/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Fire

Good question.

Often, when people ask me why I don't want children, I ask them why they do. The reasons never amount to too much.

I had my fist because I thought that's what all married couples did... surely...?! <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" />


I had my second because this was entirely hormone-led...
And the more I couldn't conceive one, the more desperate I became. Ridiculous as it sounds, I was entirely, mindlessly unable to fight the urge.

The moment - the very instant - I had her, I absolutely, completely, totally knew I never wanted another kid again.

That hasn't changed.

The older I get, the less patience I have with children - mine, or anyone else's.

I look at couples with tiny babies, and I think to myself,
"What the hell did you do that for?? What were you thinking - ?!?"

Believe me, having kids is hard work, a drain on the economy, enormously stressful, and a thankless task.

Great idea for a topic and like jez, I haven't heard a compelling reason for having children from anyone I've ever asked.

Don't you think many do it out of religious convictions?

I know many friends/coworkers have had kids because it's just the next step after school, job, marriage. They don't even give it much consideration, it's just "what you do."

I think this topic is really a little silly. So far only one actual mom has posted and she is hardly gun ho pushing everyone to have kids. I dont see any people on this sight who are pushing people to have kids, just people who are thinking about the issues around kids. Who are these lurking pro baby parents everyone is afraid of? Practically every poster does not have kids. Also the sight is called married, no kids. It does not say married, sterelized. Why cant people think things out and not be sure of things. I am not sure about having kids or not and I dont see why that is wrong Im not pushing others to have kids or myself. I just recognize I am young and may change my mind. It seems to me the people on her who are supposedly vehemently anti kid are the ones always bringing kids up. Discuss someting else, there must be many things you do besides talk about not having kids and think about why you dont have them. Also there are single people on this sight which I think is fine, but I dont see a backlash agains them like I do against undecided people wavering between kids and childfree life. As for why I am undecided I think it is foolish to never say never. I recognize I may change my mind. I dont feel I need a list of reasons to justify a decision I make, whether to have kids or not have kids, and neither should you. Its a personal decision. The answer is simply I dont have kids. if somewone says why? Say its really none of your business. Also did it ever occur to you that maybe people have kdis because they like them. Just because you dont like something does not mean that others dont like it. I dont like organized sports yet I recognize that many people do, I dont question why I just accept they like something I dont.

Hmmm, never really thought about it before!

My first child I had because I really wanted one - of course I was only 19, and away from home for the 1st time in my life, married to a militayr man and stationed in Hawaii ;which may sound ideallic, but having no friends there was quite lonely. I think I was trying to have someone in my life.

My second child I wanted because I wanted a little girl (my first was a boy) also my son has Asperger's and is not the most demonstrative child in the world. I missed the loving and closeness of a baby. I know many CFs don't feel this way, but I have always felt a certain peacefulness when holding babies (at least when they are not screaming!) <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My last child I had because this is my 2nd marriage, but my husband's first and this is his only biological child - although he treats my two children from my previous marriage like his own. But I did want a child of his. And once again I like babies. I miss that stage in their lives - unfortunately it doesn't last, and I'm not going to keep having them just because I miss the infancy period!!! <img src="/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Did I miss an integral part of the OP? Because I've reread it and I don't see anywhere where she's stating, or even implying, that people are trying to push having kids on anyone. Rather she's, as the subject states, turning the tables. As a fence sitter you likely don't understand how we CF are CONSTANTLY questioned about our decision.

There are no 'pro-baby parents' that anyone's afraid of that I'm aware of. But there are plenty of people who think we don't know our own heads or haven't given significant thought to our decision. I think it's interesting to start a thread asking the parents to explain their decisions for having kids.

I actually think this topic was started because of a post I left in a topic about Children being a big responsiblity. Obviously my thoughts were either not put out clearly, or they were taken the wrong way... or both.

I have no problem with people wanting to live childfree lives! And I do not think that people who live childfree lives are partiers, or are irresponsible, or dont want responsibility... That did not come from me. (I had heard some people say that they didn't want kids because of the responsibility.)

What I was talking about in that post was not understanding SOME peoples reasons for not wanting kids. That is not judging them. That is not me thinking bad of them because they don't want kids. That is simply me just wondering why they don't. I did not understand why, because I am someone who does want kids. And generally when you are on the opposite side of a situation, you don't entirely understand. I think my comment of "just not understanding" was taken sarcastically when I was actually serious about not understanding. I haven't met many people who don't want kids. I am not someone to question someone's decisions in a negative way.

Wanting or not wanting children is a personal decision. Some people do, and some people don't. Everyone has their own reasons. I don't think having kids is right or wrong. It just depends on the person. If someone does not want children, who am I to judge that? And if I want children, I should not be judged.

For me, I want kids because I love them. My husband and I want to raise a family together. We want to experience that beautiful bond between Mother and Child, and Father and Child. To be able to give life is an amazing thing. We want to experience a completely different type of love. We want to learn, and teach. And many many more reasons. Now of course, when planning on having children there are some serious matters to consider. Your health, your relationship, finances, whether or not you are emotionally stable, your overall well-being, work and the huge responsibility you are about to take on. It's a life long committment. You can't 100% prepare yourself for all the stress on your body, your relationship (with your partner and the child), your emotions, your sanity, the exhaustion and all of the ups and downs for the rest of your life, but there are steps to take that can help you prepare to be the best parent you can, to stay healthy, and happy, and help you stay financially stable, and to provide the absolute best for your child.

I do believe that you shouldn't just say yes I want kids because I'm lonely, and I need someone to love etc etc and then pop out 3 kids and not be able to provide for them. That is wrong in my opinion. But should someone take the proper steps, and truly consider the pros and cons and everything that comes along with parenthood, then I see nothing wrong with having children.

Just as I see nothing wrong with someone not wanting kids because they are career driven, satisfied enough already, don't really like kids, like to travel, they enjoy their own time - whatever the reason.
I may be wrong, but if this topic actually was started because of my old post on the other topic, I hope this clears it up.