BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Having a child is a BIG responsiblity

I actually heard that argument used during the 2004 gay marriage debate as a reason to "protect" traditional marriage. I guess I'm just not convinced it's true. CF's tend to have more disposable income - while they're not spending it on diapers, etc., they are spending it on lots of other stuff and big ticket items. I think co's would just have to shift their focus from carrying tons of baby junk to more upscale items (and whatever would happen to walmart - just imagine). <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" />

Collecting is one thing. Acres-thick layers of neon plastic kid junk is something else (I seem to recall it being called "kinderspullen" on a.s.c.).

You should see my CD collection...1000s, even after culling the lighter-weight stuff, putting that on my MP3 player, and selling 'em. <img src="/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Neon plastic is not on my list. My taste runs to antique porcelain and vintage glassware and things like that. And, no, my house is not child-safe or child-friendly. I don't feel the need for that.

In my early 20's when I was considering having a child with my then fiance (now ex) a friend of mine, who was struggling financially and had 2 kids of her own and a 3rd on the way said to me in response to my statement that we just weren't financially stable yet, "There's never a good time to have kids, you'll never be ready, just do it! It all works out fine!" Well sure it does when the government is paying your food bill and half your rent.

The DH and I call that plastic kiddie stuff kindercrap - not our coinage, but we use it a lot.

I like to tell people my house is childproofed - none of them have gotten in yet!

While the plastic stuff is good for kids to play on, I don't care to have it around. Right now, I'm househunting and several places have children's play areas in the backyard. They're almost always neat and well kept but all I can think of when I see the slides and swings and all is how much it will cost me to get rid of it. And plastic clashes so with my Limoges china.

Our house is "rabbit-proofed" which is similar to child-proofing (including no breakables on the bottom of the xmas tree). However, whenever we have children visit, they never fail to show me how un-child-proofed my house really is! I guess I take for granted that my rabbits can't reach up and grab the glass pieces on the coffee table.

Fearless: That reminds me of when I was going to adopt and I was telling another adoptive mom that I did not think adopting was for me because of the cost of childcare and housing here in California and the fact that I have NO family. She just kept smiling sweetly and saying, "just do it."

Mind you, this woman has her own home, her mother babysits while she is at work and she has loads of family and friends.

There is so much to consider, no matter how the child comes into your life. Financially, emotionally, intellectually, any way you can think of it, there is a huge responsibility. From what I've heard, it never really ends. Even if the kids grow up to be decent adults, there's still the emotional element that probably never goes away. Some people can handle it and some can't. It's better to admit you can't handle it than to make a mess of some small human's life.

I agree Haunted. I think that alot of people like babies and don't consider the large amount of time and money that children require as they get older.

When I told my friend I was not adopting, she stated, "won't you get into your 50's and regret it." I told her better to regret it then regret messing up a child's life.

My plans are advanced degrees, working at jobs that I truly enjoy, world travel and having wonderful hobbies. I would resent a child if I could not live my life the way that I choose now at this point in my life.

There's "can't handle it" and then there's "don't want to". I know I say this often (probably too often), but not wanting kids is more than enough reason. No need to dwell too long on whether or not one can handle it if one doesn't feel a strong, sustained urge (not a "pang" or even a series of "pangs").

Every once in awhile I'll have a transient "baby pang" around a friend's kid. But I also have transient "horse pangs" around my horsey pals, and "Porche pangs" around my wealthier friends with nice cars, which are at least as strong! The point is that I'm well aware of what I would have to do to have a horse or a Porsche (give up a huge amount of my free time in the former case --- I've worked as a horse groom in the past and I know what it takes --- or, in the latter case, get a higher-stress, higher-paying, non-music job so I could afford those sports car payments. Those are not trade-offs I wish to make.

The problem is that most folks don't acknowledge that there even *are* tradeoffs to having kids, even though they're there for everything else. Society only wants us to see the upside. I've always said that if the product was so wonderful, it wouldn't need such unerrantly thorough PR.

Another cool bumper sticker: "It's no longer fruitful to multiply" (not really a CF sentiment per se, but rather a suggestion of zero population growth).

Elise