BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids TWO AWFUL Experiences in ONE WEEK! ARGHHHH!!!

FIRST:
OK.. so I went out with some neighbors for a ladies night out. The ride in the car was all about their KIDS! (This is despite the fact they told me they go out to get away from husbands, kids and conversation regarding them). I gritted my teeth and got through the ride.

Then we get to our destination and one of the moms asked 'Oh, are you and XXXXX (hubby) EVER going to have KIDS????' After picking my chin up from the floor, I responded that we are happy with things the way they are.

QUESTION: WHY do people put SO MUCH focus on kids and WHY do they feel they have the right to ask when you are having them? (My mom's theory is that some of them have shallow lives and have nothing else to talk about).

SECOND:
I was at home when the phone rang. A neighbor asked if I would be home for 20 mins or so because she needed someone to watch another neighbor's child and would I do it so she could pick up her own child from school. In addition, I don't want to be responsible for someone else's child. What if something happened? Luckily I was on my way out and said so.

QUESTION:
HOW do I get out of this if it happens again? And WHY would someone ask a CF neighbor to watch a child??? ARGH

OK.. thanks for listening... I am ending my RANT NOW! Thanks! <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good God Agent Orange! All this and you've come out still breathing?! Sounds like hel l you've just been through. I'd rather swing through the jungles of South America or swim through shark infested waters then have a week like that.

I don't know how old you are, but at age 36 I've learned to just say NO. My brother and his oh-so-wise wife asked me and my husband to be their daughters' legal guardians in the event of their simultaneous untimely death. I mean, what the H ELL were they thinking????? I love my nieces to pieces, and they adore us (too much so in fact) but...let's not get carried away. I told them NO of course, but did reassure them we would take them if they risked going to the state. I won't let THAT happen, but our family is so big on both sides that the chances of that actually happening are about as good as cockroaches becoming extinct.

Hopefully you've learned a valuable yet painful lesson: Go out with people who've other things to talk about besides kids. Which, unfortunatly means for the most part people without kids. Once in a blue moon you'll run across super cool parents who love to talk about fab things other then their ankle-biters. We've got one couple like that. We don't even ask how the kids are doing. Obviously just fine seeing how they're out actually enjoying themselves!

Fire

Had a similar experience with my HS friend several years ago. We went to see Sting in concert, just the two of us, like "old" days... she was "so thrilled" to be out without the kids in tow, husband, etc. To the point that ALL she talked about was how she WASN'T out with the kids, husband, etc. And then we had to observe how many other women our age had brought their kids to the concert, etc. etc. I was SO glad when the music started - by that time I was SICK of hearing about her kids (and I actually like them).

I suspect some women have been tied down to the house/kid/ husband thing for so long, they forget how to talk about anything else. In extreme instances, I've asked people to change the subject, telling them I'm not interested in their kids or whatever. Tha tdoesn't mean I'll never listen becasue those are important people in their lives. It's just when they can't let it go after a few minutes that I tend to get very blunt.

As for babysitting, I no longer do that and have no problem informing people. Unless it's a serious emergency, don't even think it.

I think some people are like this, talking about kids all the time, because kids take up a majority of their time. Think about what takes up a majority of your time; are you likely to talk about it a lot? I catch myself doing it all the time, always talking about work or my husband, the things that take up all my time, even here.

If you've taken psychology classes you may know about "training" and ideas like positive reinforcement, pavlov's dogs, et cetera. These women who do this may not be consciously be thinking about what they say making others uncomfortable. Rather, they have received positive reinforcement from other people for chattering endlessly about kids. So as pavlov's dogs thought "dinnertime" when they heard the bell, some people think "blab endlessly about family" when they find anyone who will listen.

Not exactly their fault, and it is a thing that a few etiquette lesstons might fix. It is ALWAYS more polite to listen to what your guest is interested in...to allow them to talk about themselves...than to blab endlessly about onesself and one's interests. This means our childed friends should let us lead the discussion while we are in their car, and we should let our childed friends lead when they are in our car.

A good way to find a parent who likes to talk about "other fab things" is to ask them about it. Let's say Cathy is a mom who talks about her kids all the time. If you feel comfortable approaching her about it, you could say, "Cathy, what do you enjoy all for yourself? You as a woman, not you as a mother." I imagine some women would appreciate this kind of attention. A lot of mothers seem pretty used to being ignored and having all attention lavished on their kids, which may be why they talk about kids all the time (maybe they assume no one would be interested about her, only her kids).

I think there are several ways to deal with someone asking you to babysit.

1.) Be honest with them, but give only necessary information: Sorry, but I am not available right now. That's all you need to say. No need to elaborate and say you hate kids, you feel insulted by the question, et cetera. (Not that you hate kids or anything.) You could also say something like your house is not childproofed and you don't think said child would be safe, and you can't leave the house because you're in the middle of something; or you could say the child's parents don't know you so you doubt all parties involved would be okay with the situation.

2.) Know of a good neighborhood babysitter or two and refer all interested parties to them.

3.) For those who don't mind kids: say you'll do it, but your babysitting fees will cost them an arm and a leg! <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" />

I actually love to baby sit renting a kid is fun and then your can spoil it and give it back. I wish more people would ask me

Years ago, I didn't mind but now, I'm at the age that I enjoy children (some children) for about 20 or 30 minutes and then want them to go away. If you enjoy babysitting, good for you. The idea of spoiling them and then sending them home does have a certain attraction. You can be the nice lady next door/down the street/wherever and have a good time with them but not be stuck with the daily grind. It's a good bet the mothers appreciate the break as well.

Thanks for all the great feedback ladies!
The funny thing is I don't hate kids... I helped with my nieces when they were young. BUT I don't feel comfortable baby sitting neighbors' kids or having a neighbor who IS babysitting asking me to 'stand in' for her. I don't think that is fair to the person who entrusted their child to my neighbor. I don't really want the responsibility of watching someone else's child for fear something might happen to them. I am glad that there are a number of you who like to babysit but I don't care for it.

Also, if you do it once, then all of a sudden you have people asking you to do it on a regular basis. That is the tendency I have noticed! There are SO many kids in my neighborhood, I'd never have a moments peace! :-)

You are trapped in a "village" and are under the jurisdiction of the mommy patrol. You really need to move. I live in fear that my street will gain more urchins every summer. I have been researching places that are not very friendly to fambilies, but they seem to inhabit every nook and cranny I can find. Biker Bars, Slacker coffee houses, japanese gardens, sushi bars, even the most expensive restaurants! You need to live in the inner city of a large urban center or out in the boonies with enough land to keep them at bay. The upper northwest might be a little safer.

I swear, the next time someone brings a toddler into my coffee shop I am going to stare at them until they leave.