BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Childfree are Greedy???

Here's a new one... my dad visited on the weekend, and while we were sitting around talking, he mentioned that he had read an article which said that France is worried because their population is declining. (Personally, I'm not sure if a population decline is a bad thing)... Anyways, he then went on to state that GREED is the cause of people deciding not to have children (people want more and more, and don't want to share). I didn't want to get into a huge discussion with him on that subject and it caught me a little off guard too, so I just let it slide.

Since I'd never heard that one before I thought I'd just mention it here so that we can prepare rebuttals for future use. Obviously I totally disagree with this statement (there are 100's of reasons for not having children and to lay the blame on Greed is kind of limiting). I also thought that it was somewhat insensitive of him to make a remark like that in my house, where we obviously don't intend on having children. I don't think he was aiming his comment at me, but it was still kind of strange to hear him make that kind of a statement.
Anyways... thanks for letting me vent a little.

I think perhaps the word he might have used is 'selfish' rather than 'greedy'. But that is not to say that I agree with him either, not one bit....

I have heard it said that people who choose to not have kids are of the "I want it all, and I want it now, and I want to keep it too" variety....

I will be the first to admit I have two grown-up daughters, but with the way things are in the world at the moment, it could be argued that having children is selfish....
An extra mouth to feed, Global warming, a strain on all resources, the anguish, difficulty and strain of bringing up a human being to maturity (thankless task) and - I have to say it - the danger of split or one-parent families providing an unstable upbringing....

Couple that with the (somewhat extreme but nevertheless very real) fact that in giving birth to another Being, you sentence them to old age, sickness and dying....

Being Childfree is no bad thing!

I am 48 and don't have any kids, but the reason I didn't have kids wasn't because of greed or because "I want it all".

I didn't have children for the following reasons:

1 - I didn't want to be like my mother
2 - I didn't want to prematurely die and leave them alone in this world.
3 - I didn't want them getting sick (in a severe way) and I couldn't do anything for them and they would die in my arms.
4 - I didn't want them growing up and turning into "bad adults"

And the last reason was.... the world is already way too populated and over crowded! Why add to it!

OK.... maybe some of you reading this might say.... "hmmmmm sounds like she is selfish".....

Maybe yes, maybe no! Lots of you had the strength and the want to have kids, I never had the strength or the want to have them. They never phased me at all. Everytime I would see a baby I had no desire to go "goo goo gaa gaa" over it!

I guess that's how God made me!

With kind regards,
Pam

I think almost every decision we make is based on selfish intentions. That doesnt make people bad but if we are very honest with ourselves we tend to think of our needs first. Its the human condition. I am not sure if it is something to be ashamed of. I havent completely decided yet about having kids or not but if I do have them I wont do it because I want to prove how inselfish I am, I would do it because I wanted the pleasure of being around a child and the experience of raising it and loving it. I would do it for my own reasons and my own desires, so that is selfish. I think that when people decide to become parents, not in the case of an accidental pregnancy, most do so becuase it is what they want, so that could be construed as a selfish decision. If I decided not to have kids it would be because I didnt really feel the pull to have them and was happy wiht my life without them. I dont see how that is anymore selfish then the decision to have kids. I guess I dont see what is so bad about being selfish.

Jmb
In reality what will you accomplish by discussing this with your dad? If he is like my father he will never choose to see your point unless he wants to and mine never did he is too much into mind games.

The reasons someone chooses not to have children are as individual and personal as the reason someone chooses to have a child, whether to have one child or two or three children, etc. The only person who knows what is right for the individual is the individual alone. No one should ever have to explain their personal choices to anyone, especially their family, friends or co-workers. These are the people who you need to support you the most, whether they agree or disagree with your choice.

Choose your battles. You do not owe anyone repeat explanations, especially including your father about why you are choosing not to have children. Once you have gone down that road and let them know your decision to be CF they need to respect your choice.

Just my humble opinion.

Great responses here. I am curious though: jmb; was Alexandra in your house at the time your dad made his statement? Just wondering since she said: [quote]I think perhaps the word he might have used is 'selfish' rather than 'greedy'.

So what if you are selfish? Selfish people are not necesarily good parent material. As tubby3pug noted, human beings make decisions based on self-interest and if your interest doesn't include children, you wouldn't be as good a parent as you might want or feel you should be. Bad situation.

It was rude of your father to make that kind of remark, though.

Fire<<<<<<<still wondering if Alexandra was in your house or just making assumptions as to precisely what verbage was used.... <img src="/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I don't know Alexandra, so no, she wasn't at my house. It was just me, my dad & my hubby. Selfish and greedy are similar, but not exactly the same. My dad definitely used the word greedy.

I apologise... I was merely trying to illustrate that even though he used the word 'greedy' maybe - just maybe - his intention was to imply that those who don't want children, are selfish... The two words are different of course, but the implications are also different...I was merely hypothesising whether he himself might have been using the right term....

The Times Newspaper (UK) ran an article on this very subject - and how the British Government are, on one hand, purporting to promote the close family nucleus, whilst in actual fact making it finacially and socially more and more difficult to raise a family....