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#278472 10/30/06 08:39 PM
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[color:"purple"] Hi, im new to this board. I found it because i just recently miscarried my first child about 3 1/2 weeks ago. i was between 8 and 9 weeks along.

The story is basically this:

Towards the latter part of August, me and my boyfriend at the time decided we wanted to try for a baby. We had all these plans and everything. I found out on my birthday in mid September that i was pregnant. i told my mother and my family, while he kept it from his. Around the beginning of October, i lost my job. The next day, he told me to get an abortion. He didnt ask or suggest, he literally told me to get an abortion because he wasn't going to be there for the baby. That hurt beyond belief. So then i set up a clinic visit and they told me yes, i was pregnant, and when they asked me what i wanted to do, i told them i didnt know. The idea of having an abortion wasn't something i liked. So they set me up for another appointment to do a sonogram and such, and that appointment was for the 9th of October. Between the day i had my first appointment (the 4th) and the day i had my next appointment (the 9th), my boyfriend told me he was leaving me after the abortion. That tore me to pieces even more. Well, the 9th came around, and i told them how i'd been bleeding since my last appointment. They did the sonogram, found nothing. My pregnancy test came back negative, and describing the pain and such to them made them conclude that i miscarried. That was devastating. i knew the baby deserved a chance and i wasn't about to let his father ruin that for him. So then i told my boyfriend about the miscarriage, then that evening we got into a huge argument because friends were calling me telling me he'd been flirting with his ex during their band practice. So after our argument, which was quite a big one, things seemed to be normal. His parents found out about everything that night. Then the next morning, he just... broke up with me.

It's been very, very hard to deal with this. i have sent away the two guys that have tried to come into my life since the whole situation happened. i live alone now because back in mid September, we thought it'd be best for my mother to move out, so she did closer to her work anyway. i haven't found the motivation to go out and socialize, i still haven't found a job,... i cry just about every night... and whats worse is my now ex boyfriend seems to have moved on so easily... first he liked his ex, now he likes some other girl... and i just feel so... horrible that i seem to have gotten the worse end of this whole thing and i feel like he should be hurting just the same as i have been. And even though hes told my younger sister that he's hurting just like me, he also tells her he doesnt want to tell me that. And really, thats what would help me... or at least i think it would. To just know that im not the only one suffering here...

i just need some help and advice and such from others who have been through miscarriages, or even been through a similar situation such as mine... [/color]

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#278473 10/31/06 05:15 AM
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Hi Jaz,
wow looks like you've had an even tougher few weeks. Am really sorry to hear about all you are going thru... Wow sometimes people can be so selfish!! Your ex sounds like he is dealing with alot of issues. Which really can't be helping you at all!! I think, what would help me, is to try and keep away from him for awhile and not even know who he is with or what he is doing. Maybe you could try to go away for a few days with a nice friend or family member, on a retreat or a holiday. Or go and do somethings you really used to love doing and couldn't do when you were pregnant. You are brave to turn away those 2 guys that tried to come into your life. I suppose the last thing you want to do is get involved with someone else before you have healed from this relationship.

I had the D&C last Thursday. On Friday and Saturday, I would just break down to tears for no reason. I didn't know what was going on. (The doc says it takes time for the hormones to level off in the body, so part of the excuse for being so emotional). I just was totally lost, not know what to do, but I knew for me I had to do something.
There are these little kids who live on our street. They are not very well off and their grandfather just died in Africa. They cannot go back because the tickets are too expensive. We called in to see them, and they were such fun with so much energy. We took them out to a restaurant and then to the cinema, it was their first time to the cinema, and they were so cute, talking non-stop, dancing, jumping round etc. Well it helped me anyway and brought me back to earth a little.
Also the following helped me too. I asked God to let me know what was the sex of my baby. Well I got a feeling she was a little girl. So I spiritually baptised and named her, offered her up to overwhelming Love of God and told her I'd see her next lifetime.

These are just things that have been helping me. Am sure everyone is different on how they heal. And as people have been saying Time will heal. I had a nightmare last night, apparently I woke my husband up last night crying, holding my hands as if holding a baby, saying she was dead. I don't remember doing this, but it shows you also whats going on in our subconcious.

I pray for all you are going through. And hope you can find the support you need. Send me a message or email anytime you want if you need to talk more.

Love & prayers
Thel xx

#278474 11/01/06 04:25 AM
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Yea, i've prayed and talked to God a lot these past few weeks. i never asked Him what the sex of my baby was, i just had this... gut feeling it was a baby boy. i cant describe the feeling, i just had it inside of me during the pregnancy and after the miscarriage. i've spoken to the baby through God too, and that seems to help get me through the tough times as well. The next step, it seems, is just... getting myself back out into the world... finding a job and meeting new people all over again... that seems to be one of my toughest challenges, as well as trying to figure out all of the confusion about my ex and his actions before, during, and after the situation that i still cannot understand or even believe...

#278475 11/01/06 10:28 PM
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hey my name is mary im 13 years old and im kinda new to this i got on here last friday i think it was cuz a week b4 that i foun dout i had a miscarrage i was 11 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend and i had told all our familys and everything friends and all heres my story i went to the hospital at 5:30 friday morning they said it was hard to tell if the baby was ok or not come back if i got worse well that night around 6:30 i sttarted bleeding reallly hard and went back they said for sure the baby was dead they took some of it out and did a D&C to get the rest of it out well we had done bought a bigger house and all the baby stuff so it was really hard on us all the 20th is when they took the baby out still 2day i cry my self to sleep of a night thinking it's all my falt but uckly my boyfriend is still with me if you ever need someone to talk to ill be here ....cya later


Mary
#278476 11/02/06 11:19 AM
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Hi Mary/Jazmosis,
Hope you both are keeping well and getting thru the heartbreak.
Mary, please don't get too upset, and don't blame yourself. Unfortunately, this is just natures way sometimes and there is nothing we can do to stop it. Apparently 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, so it is quite common. We women all have to support each other. It sounds like you also had a very traumatic ending to your pregnancy. What we women have to go thru sometimes... Maybe these challenges will prepare us better for motherhood!!

Jazmosis, hope you are keeping your spirits up. My friend was telling me about her pal in Ireland who is suffering something similar to you.
She had a miscarriage only a few months ago. She is seeing this guy who isn't all the best. She was in so much pain she called him up saying soemthing was wrong and he just told her togo to bed with a hot water bottle!!
She went to the doctors alone and found out she was having a miscarriage. He didnt even go with her and left her to deal with it all herself.
The poor girl is so confused. To tell you the truth, I think her boyfriend got scared of all the responsibility. He wanted to enjoy sex without sharing the consequences, and rather than taking responsibility for his actions, he is ignoring that anything happened.

Am sorry that you have to go thru all this without the father, but it sounds like he is going thru alot of issues and he wouldn't be much help to you anyway. I know you deserve better than this. You sound like such a sweet caring person, and no wonder there is a line of boys waiting to go out with you!! Now it's time to think about yourself, not your ex. Think about what your interested in, a career, an adventure. Your whole life is a head of you. Hope these words help a little.

Am praying for ye both
Love
Thel

#278477 11/05/06 11:31 PM
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hey thanks


Mary
#278478 11/06/06 12:44 AM
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Thanks so much for the help. i just recently started talking to an old ex of mine.. he was my first boyfriend ever and in high school and we were together for almost 2 years... anyway hes been there for me, talking to me, helping me get through the tough points when i break down... it helps though to hear motivation and advice from complete strangers because it helps me realize what others see that i do not... so thanks for the help... and please continue to send advice... all of it helps... and i mean every single bit of it... especially since im still having break downs and such.. not as much as i used to, but they're just as bad as they've always been. Thanks again.. every bit of advice is definitely greatly appreciated.

And to Mary, im very sorry to hear what you're going through. And same to you, if you ever need help send me a message or somethin'.. you're very lucky the father stuck around.. in that aspect im glad for you that he did.

#278479 11/07/06 12:24 AM
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hi it's mary agin umm i need someones help with a question ok here it gose it's been almost a month sence i had a miscarrage i dunno how to ask the whole user list so im gonna ask you please if u can help i was spose to wait 3 months b4 i got pregnant but i think i might be now like 20 minutes ago and he accidently got sperm on the inside do u think i will deffenetly have a miscarrage agin? i can't tell my mom or she will be really upset


Mary

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