BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Verbal abuse that stings

when does verbal abuse go too far? Stupid. dumb, worthlesss, never amount to anything, only good for sex. HOw do I convience my husband that I love him and that I am not a cheater, he is? HOw do I stop the crying and the suicidal thoughts? He wont allow me to take the medication that the doctors have given me for anxiety and depression. I am a walking time bomb. I am not alllowed to have friends.My mother refuses to talk to me due to him. My father lives 2000 miles away. I can be in a crowded room and feel all alone. I am desperate for some one to talk to.I am afraid of him. He says that he will never divorce me and that he wiill kill me if i try to leave again. I have tried to leave 3 times over 5 years but he always brings me back. I just dont kno what to do.

Sweetie....you are better than all of this. You need this medication, if it wasn't for the medicine I take I would not be able to function. Please get some help soon...I will pray for you. Connie

You are being abused on many levels. You need to get out and get out soon! He is denying you medication that you need to be a healthy and functional person. There is help out there. ALl you have to do is look! If you ask your mother to help you get away from him, I am sure she will help. I have resources listed for each state on the website. Worse comes to worse, call the National Domestic Violence HOtline. They have tons of resources. I found out about them through a police officer who saw me crying on a street corner one morning. I thought that I was all alone and couldn't get away but I did. I have been away from him for almost 3 years.

thank you all. i just cant leave i know that he will do as he has said he will if i leave.
i know him. i have seen the very very worst of him. in my next post i will tell you the whole 12 year story. that started in high school. now im about to get off of work and see how i have made him mad without being there.quickly....i tried to call him last night for two hours and twenty minutes... his line was busy, when he finally calls me back he says i was talking to my 5year old daughter...at 1230am???? im not that stupid. Or am I?

You say you can't leave.

Yes, you can.

He's bullying and controlling, and is making you believe you can't, but you can.
Just do it.

I have tried to leave and he brings me back . I left the state and was gone for 3 weeks and then he was just standing there. So I have tried.

I want so badly for my husband to love me the way that he did in the start. I want that fire , that desire. So much so that I think that I refuse to see the truth about who he really is. Why cant we communicate? I have begged him to go to marital therepy. Nope he says " why spend money so some one can tell me what I already know, that it is all your fault" He really said that to me. I almost fell to the floor. I even got really brave in the begining and when he came home at around 2am I slapped him in the face... Biggest mistake of my life. The look in his eyes was enough for me to know that I had just sentenced myself to death.

You MUST leave or he will kill you. There is a national domestic violence hot line...call them. Just pack up while he is gone and get out. You simply must leave. This is a dangerous man!

You really should leave as soon as you can. There are lots of people out there to help you. My first marriage was horrible. My ex would hit me, choke me, drag me around by my hair. I could take the hitting any day over the verbal abuse. He loved to tell me that no one else would ever want me, no one loved me like he did, he would sit me in a chair and yell and scream and cuss at me and our baby would cry and he wouldn't let me get up to get her. Some times I would sit there for hours enduring this treatment. Everyone in my family had given up on me by this time and he would tell me see, there is no one to help...the only way you will get out is by me killing you. I did leave him a couple of times and he would end up sweet talking me back home. A couple of times he had taken our baby and threatened me with not being able to find her (he would go away and I would never see her again). I was not able to go anywhere without him and if I called my family I had to use a pay phone and he would be right there listening to everything. After 2 yrs of this I finally had enough. He finally allowed me to get a job (as he was too lazy to work and stayed home and babysat although most times I came home and the baby was sopping wet, the house was trashed and he was sitting around stoned/drunk) and after being accused of cheating on him (he had left the baby in our bed and drove 15 miles to check up on me and I was still at work...he waited for me to leave and chased me home trying to run me off the road) and we had a knock down drag out and he had a knife and threatened to kill me and I just told him "do it...the anticipation is killing me". Lucky for me he didn't know what to do/say and then says he will kill him self in front of me and make me watch him bleed to death and I told him "fine, just do it in the bath tub because I don't want to be the one to clean up the mess". (I am not saying for you to confront your husband like this...I had just had it with him) Later I found out that all the time he was the one cheating...he had a girlfriend he had gotten pregnant. He ended up in prison eventually and sent me a letter in the mail saying how sorry he was for "putting beer and stuff in front of me" and how when he got out he was going to come and we would be a family again. I wrote him a letter and told him he better stay away because I wasn't the same little scared girl that he married and I would kill him (probably not the best thing to write in a letter going to a prison!) if I ever saw him again. I had so much hate for him and it has been almost 20 yrs now since that day. I know where you have been and I am sorry to say this, but he doesn't love you...you need to get out now and get away from him before he does something terrible to you...

You MUST leave if you are to live.

Talk to your doctor. Talk to your co-worker. Talk to the police. When you get out, get into a safe house immediately (These are places set up to protect you, usually very low profile so they are hard for someone to locate.) and get a restraining order, and enforce it.

When you get out, do not contact him in any way. Tell your place of work for the sake of the safety of your co-workers.

You cannot fix him. It never gets better. But it does get far worse.

Good luck.

DJC