BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting About to become a blended family...any advice?

I have been dating my fiance for 2 and a half years now, and we have finally decided to get married next summer. I have three boys (ages 10, 7, and 4) from my previous marriage. He, too has a son who is 9. The boys all get along great. My boys love my fiance, and his son loves me. We are very excited about becoming a family, though we both realize there will be challenges along the way. We love each other so much, and we want to focus on all the positive aspects of our new life together as a blended family. Does anyone have any positive advice or suggestions on any issues that may arise? We've also been looking for a good book to read on this subject. Any suggestions?

We were a blended family, now our kids are all gone but one...my biggest advise is to make sure that everyone gets enough time. Make time as individuals and group activities.

Go to parenting class together. That way, any parenting discussions you have won't have to be about your way versus his way; you can discuss issues based on your opinions of what was taught in the class.

Now that we have grandchildren together we have had some of our biggest disagreements about how babies should be treated! One example is we babysit for my now 2-yr old grandaughter. At the time she was about 3 or so months old. At 5 pm she always was fussy. We refered to it as the meltdown hour. My hubby would take care of her while I cooked supper and usually she would sleep while we ate. If she woke up during dinner I would hold her and eat. My husband would tell me that he & his first wife would just leave their baby in their bed and eat dinner and then get them out after they were finished eating. I told him at my house I would get the baby up and hold them and eat at the same time. He inisited that never hurt the baby to lie in bed and cry during dinner. I asked him how he could enjoy supper while the baby cried? He said well, we just did. I told him you are better off getting the baby up then letting them cry in bed! I think the longer they cry the harder it is for them to get calmed down! He also said that their babies (they had 2 children) slept through the night at 1 month. I am like there is no way! Babies need to eat in the middle of the night! But he insisted that they did sleep through the night. I figure that his memory is not so hot and also his wife was the one that got up so of course he didn't remember getting up. I had told him no wonder they slept all night because they were so exhausted from laying in their bed crying! Well, we argued about this for days and finally decided it didn't matter one way or another because we don't have kids together and I told him I am going to pick a crying baby up during dinner as I just can't leave them in their crib crying.

I found the best thing to do was just to ALWAYS treat my stepson and my children the same, no matter what. I've also made sure to give him alot of individual attention. He is 20 now but his father and I have been together since he was 11. We still do things such as just the 2 of us going out to lunch alone and just talking. I take an interest in his friends, and just LISTEN to him when he needs someone to talk to. But I also got on him just like one of my own kids when he did dumb things.

In the beginning I let HIM decide what to call me, I never insisted he call me "Mom". He decided to do that on his own. I have also made a point not to talk bad about his mother, especially in front of him.

I guess I have been lucky, we have such a good relationship that sometimes I forget he isn't my natural child, I've been his "Mom" for so long. I guess that is the way it should be.

I really liked your advice. I do think the bottom line will be to treat all the boys equally and give that indivdual attention. I also think as someone else suggested, a parenting class would be a good idea. That would be a good way for my fiance and I to get a good game plan going before we take the big plunge. Thanks everyone for the great input!