BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids tolerance at MNK

*UPDATE* Just to be clear, the people who are writing to me about this ARE NOT PARENTS. They are child free, just like you and me. So please don't use this to rehash the whole "parents don't belong here" argument. That's not what this is about.

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I don't normally step in, but I wanted to remind everyone of hte purpose of Married No Kids -- to create a place where all of the child free community can feel welcome.

Many people compliment me for my site because it is not "hostile" to parents and families. They get involved in the forum because they want to create bonds with others like them.

Recently I have received some complaints about the tone of the messages here, which has caused a few members to consider leaving the MNK forum.

Of course, each of you has the right to your opinion, but the increasing references to mothers as "moos" and that kind of thing has created an uncomfortable environment for some of our MNK visitors.

I am not trying to censor what you say, but I do ask that you keep in mind the purpose of the Married No Kids site at BellaOnline, which is to create a place where the child free can find support and commraderie -- not a place to excessively bash families, parents, and children.

Please keep that in mind next time you post.

Kim

MNK Editor

I�m not sorry about using offensive words (I believe in freedom of speech), but I agree to restrict those to other sites that accept the way cf people choose to express themselves. I would appreciate also that if someone doesn't like what I say to tell me directly (trolls? lurking parents?). I appreciate this site as well, but I'll then go somewhere else if I have to. But there are already so little cf sites as it is where we can speak our mind in comparison to parenting sites. I don't have kids and I don't go lurking on parenting sites and then say that I'm offended about what they say about us (probably calling cf all kinds of hateful names) and then complain to the website owner to ask members to refrain their vocabulary. They�re entitled to their opinion; let me speak mine on websites that address my concerns as well as those of other cfs.

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Nicely said, freespirit! We have like 5 boards, and they have the rest.

I agree. If you dont like what you see, leave.

I appreciate what Kim said. I have detailed plenty of awful behaviour on the part of parents, and I don't mince words there, but I don't call them derogatory names.

There's a difference, I think, between calling a spade a spade in terms of behaviour (not being at all apologetic or deferential to people just because they've had kids; demanding equal treatment, etc.) and calling them names. It's their behaviour most of us seem to be bothered by, not necessarily the very fact that they've had kids. Even my most anti-kid pals make a distinction between good, attentive parenting and laissez-faire rationalization ("oh, don't expect me to step in when my kid is trashing your garden; he's just a child"..."Yes, and *you* are his parent. Your point, exactly?").

Having come from the rough and tumble of alt.support.childfree and not missing that venue very much whatsoever, I really appreciate MNK. Those who are here who really want to let their semantic hair down and let the fur fly should definitely go check that newsgroup out. I am grateful to a.s.c. for helping me clarify things when I was first beginning to understand my CF leanings, but it just was just a little too wild and wooly for my tastes most of the time.

Public debate has become coarse enough already. If any group of people should be able to try to show us the way out of that negative cycle, it ought to be childfree people. I say, let's step up.

Elise

Kim, I have really mixed feelings about this issue. I guess i always felt that it would be safe to discuss our innermost feelings on being childfree here on this forum. Even though i might not agree with some of the opinions expressed i still believe that people have the right to express them here without judgement. As it's a 'no kids' board, i figured anybody visiting would realise that not all childfree folk are pro-kids, or pro-family. Some people like kids, some people hate them, some people are afraid of them. And varying degrees of everything in between.
Sometimes i go over to the 'moms' board just to have a look. I've never posted anything personal over there because i don't feel i 'belong' there. I'm not a mom, and i'm not going to start attacking their life choices on their board. Yes, some of them think we're child-haters. And some of them think we look down on them for having kids. And this may be true - but we won't be saying it ON THEIR FORUM. Because that's the place they feel safe to be themselves, and discuss their innermost feelings about motherhood. I can't imagine any of us complaining to the 'moms' forum editor that these mothers are being derogatory towards child-free people.
I say let everybody feel free to express themselves with like-minded people on their respective forums. That's what we've been doing here all along, right?
It would be terrible to lose some of the lovely people here because of a few complaints from visitors to the forum. If only these visitors had taken up their issues with the individual posters - surely a private message to the 'offender' should have been the first step? I once had a private message from a mom who was offended by something i said on this forum. I responded, and we sorted it out between us. I admired her maturity in dealing with the issue.

Well, I'm a parent and come here only on occasion. I know I didn't write to the editor and complain. I also thought this was a place for the childfree to voice their opinion and be real.

My feathers are not easily ruffled by other people's opinion so I don't have a problem with what has been said.

Ok maybe someone was offended my the name calling. I can see that. Are you certain it was a parent? It could have been - but who knows? Maybe they just think name-calling isn't cool. And that is their right as well. But only if the complaint truely came from a CF person. Not a parent. I agree that parents shouldn't come here to complain about what's been said.

Anyway I come here to read mostly because I use to be anti-kids myself. I think there are intelligent, interesting people here and some of the comments are truthful and make me laugh. I also want to remind myself of what the CF really think and to be respectful of the CF because if you've been a parent too long you sometimes forget.
Oh well. Too bad we all can't get along.

If somebody's a jerk, I call them a jerk. Doesn't mean I'm saying all people are jerks. Same goes for parents. Just because I call one set of idiots "breeders" or "moo" and "duh" doesn't mean I'm speaking for or of all parents. Anyone who can't figure out the distinction...I wonder if they have the mental capacity to use the internet.

Agreed!